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    ktmpa's Avatar
    ktmpa Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Dec 27, 2008, 09:22 AM
    13 year old doesn't want to visit father at his house
    My ex and I are having a disagreement about visitation. The parenting plan specifies that the he has the girls 2 nights per week for 3 hours. The issue is my 13 year old despises going to his house and looks for any way to avoid it. When she does have to go she becomes very upset. I have asked her why and she just states she hates his house. To date, he has never been restricted in when he can visit the girls and I have always let him come to our house (which was previously both of ours) and visit the girls anytime and my daughter has been very happy with this arrangement. He now has a new girlfriend and wants to change things around and the girls are very unhappy about this. I indicated I would meet him halfway and work on the girls to go to his house 1 night a week and his weekend and he is still welcome to visit them at home anytime. He feels they should be forced to do what he says however I don't feel forcing them especially at 13 and not considering her feelings at all is in their best interest. I'm not sure how to resolve this and don't know what to do.
    cdad's Avatar
    cdad Posts: 12,701, Reputation: 1438
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    #2

    Dec 28, 2008, 11:09 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by ktmpa View Post
    My ex and I are having a disagreement about visitation. The parenting plan specifies that the he has the girls 2 nights per week for 3 hours. The issue is my 13 year old despises going to his house and looks for any way to avoid it. When she does have to go she becomes very upset. I have asked her why and she just states she hates his house. To date, he has never been restricted in when he can visit the girls and I have always let him come to our house (which was previously both of ours) and visit the girls anytime and my daughter has been very happy with this arrangement. He now has a new girlfriend and wants to change things around and the girls are very unhappy about this. I indicated I would meet him halfway and work on the girls to go to his house 1 night a week and his weekend and he is still welcome to visit them at home anytime. He feels they should be forced to do what he says however I don't feel forcing them especially at 13 and not considering her feelings at all is in their best interest. I'm not sure how to resolve this and don't know what to do.
    Unless there is something that isn't being said it sounds very normal for your 13y/o to not accept things as they are. Im sure in her heart she wants mom AND dad to still be together. We know that's not the case and it needs to be explained to her about the difference between wanting to and having to because it's the right thing to do. If your paper work allows for him to have the children then that's something your going to need to work with ( have to ). Maybe she just needs to get a better handle on things so the both of you can avoid court. No 2 houses are the same but in the eyes of the courts what the agreement is so shall it be. ( have to ). Him visiting at your house is like saying he has supervised visits. And to expect his new girlfriend to join that environment may just add to what's going on already. The 3 of you (yourself, daughter and dad) need to work this out away from earshot of other children. Maybe if need be you could also try mediation. You don't need a court order to see a private mediator and they could help guide you through the issues. Court is expensive and in the end after the courts decide things it doesn't work out for everyone. Good Luck.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,304, Reputation: 7692
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    #3

    Dec 28, 2008, 01:47 PM

    Ok, you can not expect him to come to your home to visit the girls, esp as he gets a new girlfriend and perhaps even gets remarried. He is trying to be a father and visit with his children.

    Basically you have a plan, he can enforce in court, hold you in contempt if you don't provide the girls.

    So you need to talk with them, and not to expect him to be at your house to visit.

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