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    45notdaddy's Avatar
    45notdaddy Posts: 62, Reputation: 15
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    #1

    May 19, 2009, 02:17 PM
    10 yrs later Paternity? Part 2
    I apologize for starting a new thread, however, my previous question was closed on an apparent misunderstanding so I can't update it with new information that I have questions about. Hopefully I'll get a fair shake with this new stuff.

    Let me 'splain.
    [pause]
    No, there is too much. Let me sum up.
    • There has been no contact between myself and the mother for better than 10 years. There was no attempt even though I was on probation in the county in question at the time.
    • I had the understanding that the child in question was not mine due to the statements made by the mother and the questionable time frame.
    • I still live in the metro area in question.
    • She's engaged and the new guy refers to the kids as "his". - I don't have an issue with this, in fact I wish them well.


    OK. Here's the new stuff and my questions.

    I understand that there is no statute of limitations in Florida, but since this matter is over ten years old & no attempt was made to contact me (made further relevant since I was still in the county probation system beyond the point of the child's birth) do I have standing under a laches provision as set forth in Florida law?

    I got a letter from the mother today. (apparently DOR gave her my address, just like I got hers on one unredacted page in my paperwork). In it she apologizes for dragging me into court, the way she treated me etc. She goes on to explain that the child has green eyes and Type 1 diabetes.
    My mother has kinda greenish eyes, but nobody would call them "green". Everyone on my father's side as well as my siblings have blue eyes. Nowhere in my family history is there any Diabetes much less Type 1. On the flip side, my roommate at the time has both green eyes and is an insulin dependent diabetic.

    She goes on to express hope that if I am the father that I'll want to spend time with him because he "really wants to know who his father is." She then goes on to state the she's "not asking for money" and he just wants to know who his father is. She also says that he has a father figure in his life, but again would like to know bio dad.

    Now some questions:
    • Since she states in her letter that she "doesn't want money" and there's been no ruling is this grounds for dismissal?
    • Can anything be made of the letter she sent?
    • How about the fact that both of us got each other's address?
    • Can I ask for mediation pending the DNA results? If so, can her desire not to get financial support weigh in my favor? Likewise, should I suggest that her fiance adopt the child?
    • Based on the above, in the seemingly less likely even that I do turn out to be the father can I get her to cover the DNA test / or can I work something out with the court?
    • Also, do I have a duty to provide information on my old roommate? He was the source of the material for our arrest all those years ago, and may have cheated with the mother in this case. However, I haven't given him a second thought in years and don't bear any ill will.


    One other tidbit. I have an astigmatism and need glasses - have since I was really young. It appears that the child has no such limitations.
    stevetcg's Avatar
    stevetcg Posts: 3,694, Reputation: 353
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    #2

    May 19, 2009, 04:23 PM

    The salient point here is that NONE OF THIS MATTERS until the DNA test is done.

    If she isn't looking for support, what is the point of all of this? This letter is not binding and is likely just to get you to cooperate.

    Have you been ordered by the court to pay for the DNA test?

    You have no duty at the moment but to respond to what the court requests/orders of you.
    45notdaddy's Avatar
    45notdaddy Posts: 62, Reputation: 15
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    #3

    May 19, 2009, 04:34 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by stevetcg View Post
    The salient point here is that NONE OF THIS MATTERS until the DNA test is done.
    I get that, however, pending the results, I need to know if I have anything to work with here.
    Quote Originally Posted by stevetcg View Post

    If she isnt looking for support, what is the point of all of this? This letter is not binding and is likely just to get you to cooperate.
    Search me. If, as she says she just wants him to know bio dad then that could be workable. Especially in a mediation environment which I'd like pending the DNA test. Why wouldn't a hand written letter from the mother specifically mentioning that she doesn't want money be useful?
    Quote Originally Posted by stevetcg View Post
    Have you been ordered by the court to pay for the DNA test?
    Not as of yet, however, if I am the father It seems to be expected.
    Quote Originally Posted by stevetcg View Post
    You have no duty at the moment but to respond to what the court requests/orders of you.
    Works for me.

    I do appreciate the help, and I'm not trying to be difficult. I just keep finding (and receiving) information that seems like it would be helpful in this matter and being unfamiliar with it I need guidance.
    stevetcg's Avatar
    stevetcg Posts: 3,694, Reputation: 353
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    #4

    May 19, 2009, 05:03 PM

    Flip a coin... it will be as accurate as anything besides the DNA, honestly.

    The letter is worth about what a piece of paper costs. Its not binding and rights cannot be signed away, even if it was official. Her right is to collect support if she so chooses.

    Mediation of what? Until paternity is proven, there is nothing to mediate since you have no rights yet.
    nikosmom's Avatar
    nikosmom Posts: 1,611, Reputation: 488
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    #5

    May 19, 2009, 05:22 PM

    The crucial point is waiting on the results of a DNA test. Here (In NC), the court covers the cost of the DNA test in child support cases.

    Most of the other info isn't pertinent to the case... unless the roommate through some twist of fate turns out to be the father. But the judge isn't going to ask about your medical history or your grandparents' eyecolor. Just doesn't matter.

    The fact remains that had some point you had sex with this woman and could've possibly fathered this child.

    So you'll just have to sit tight until the results come back.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,292, Reputation: 7691
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    #6

    May 19, 2009, 06:14 PM
    • There has been no contact between myself and the mother for better than 10 years. There was no attempt even though I was on probation in the county in question at the time.
    **** does not matter, mother can wait till the child is 17 and still file for that last year of support, and you could live next door and see them everyday, those are just not legal issues, have no bearing at all
    • I had the understanding that the child in question was not mine due to the statements made by the mother and the questionable time frame.
    ****** Again has no bearing in court what you thought, it is only what they prove with a DNA test
    • I still live in the metro area in question.
    ***** Great that means you have not moved a lot, but has no bearing on the case what so ever
    • She's engaged and the new guy refers to the kids as "his". - I don't have an issue with this, in fact I wish them well.
    ******* so what, they could call him NEMO that does not change a single thing about the court date

    OK. Here's the new stuff and my questions.

    I understand that there is no statute of limitations in Florida, but since this matter is over ten years old & no attempt was made to contact me (made further relevant since I was still in the county probation system beyond the point of the child's birth) do I have standing under a laches provision as set forth in Florida law?

    I******** Again, so what, as noted if she lived next door to you till the child is 17 she can still file for support and a DNA test

    ********* She could write you a letter saying the child may have been born from bigfoot, it has no legal issue, all that matters is what she files in court and what the DNA test says

    Now some questions:
    • Since she states in her letter that she "doesn't want money" and there's been no ruling is this grounds for dismissal?
    *** NOPE, what she may say in a letter does not matter, if you are the father, there is normally a state obligation to pay support
    If she really did not want it, she could go and ask for the case to be dismissed
    • Can anything be made of the letter she sent?
    ***** yes, don't answer it but only be concerned with court filings
    • How about the fact that both of us got each other's address?
    ***********HUMMM give me your name or phone number and I can find you , in fact I could most likely search your log on IP address and come up with your address, Again does not matter that she knew or knows where you live
    • Can I ask for mediation pending the DNA results? If so, can her desire not to get financial support weigh in my favor? Likewise, should I suggest that her fiance adopt the child?
    *** You can always suggest that her husband adopt, some if not many states will require she be married and often married for one year, but your state may be different, "?? Ask for mediation for what, until there is a DNA test there is no child support or visit rights to mediate
    • Based on the above, in the seemingly less likely even that I do turn out to be the father can I get her to cover the DNA test / or can I work something out with the court?
    ****** you can only work out something if she will work it out, if she will not work it out, then it goes to the judge and the state required payments will be ordered
    • Also, do I have a duty to provide information on my old roommate? He was the source of the material for our arrest all those years ago, and may have cheated with the mother in this case. However, I haven't given him a second thought in years and don't bear any ill will.
    **** I don't know why but you will if the court orders you to


    One other tidbit. I have an astigmatism and need glasses - have since I was really young. It appears that the child has no such limitations.

    *** what are you rambling about, I have an anut who is deaf and their children are not, I have blue eyes my child brown, you need to take class on this sort of things, looks, actions, and other physcial issues have nothing to do with DNA results
    45notdaddy's Avatar
    45notdaddy Posts: 62, Reputation: 15
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    #7

    May 19, 2009, 09:58 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
    [/LIST]*** NOPE, what she may say in a letter does not matter, if you are the father, there is normally a state obligation to pay support
    If she really did not want it, she could go and ask for the case to be dismissed.
    At face value, again from what she says in the letter which is what I have to work with, she claims not to want the money - only to know who the father is. This is what she's claiming. Bearing this in mind is there a good way to have this dropped once the results are in? The only obvious one I can come up with is if her fiancÚ adopts the child. It seems to me that she's using the system to handle this instead of doing it privately.
    Quote Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
    • Can anything be made of the letter she sent?
    ***** yes, don't answer it but only be concerned with court filings
    I hadn't planned to answer, I'd planned to bring copies to court with me. I'd like some more information on what I can do with this beyond fold it up into a crane.
    Quote Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
    • How about the fact that both of us got each other's address?
    ***********HUMMM give me your name or phone number and I can find you , in fact I could most likely search your log on IP address and come up with your address, Again does not matter that she knew or knows where you live
    The point I was going for is that they took great pains to redact her address from the paperwork I received - presumably to prevent pre-hearing communication.
    Quote Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
    • Can I ask for mediation pending the DNA results? If so, can her desire not to get financial support weigh in my favor? Likewise, should I suggest that her fiance adopt the child?
    *** You can always suggest that her husband adopt, some if not many states will require she be married and often married for one year, but your state may be different, "??? ask for mediation for what, until there is a DNA test there is no child support or visit rights to mediate
    Everybody seems to miss the word PENDING in that question. What I'm trying to learn is if after the test the results were to come back with me being bio daddy could I have mediation to work through this? I'd like to establish my desire for this in the hearing phase.
    Quote Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
    • Based on the above, in the seemingly less likely even that I do turn out to be the father can I get her to cover the DNA test / or can I work something out with the court?
    ****** you can only work out something if she will work it out, if she will not work it out, then it goes to the judge and the state required payments will be ordered
    Again given the letter (which you folks seem to hold as akin to toilet paper) she might go for this - hence my desire for mediation.

    I have other comments but I'll pm them.
    stevetcg's Avatar
    stevetcg Posts: 3,694, Reputation: 353
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    #8

    May 20, 2009, 03:35 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by 45notdaddy View Post
    Everybody seems to miss the word PENDING in that question. What I'm trying to learn is if after the test the results were to come back with me being bio daddy could I have mediation to work through this?
    That actually means "can I get mediation WHILE WE WAIT". Sorry man... that's what you wrote... that's what we go by.

    Used in the context that you did, pending essentially means that you are assuming that the results will be one thing so lets start the process while we wait for the official results.

    After the results are in, yes, of course you can request mediation. And I suspect that you will have to, because why would she file paternity if she didn't want something? If she just wanted the child to know his father, it's a whole lot easier to call and say "Hey Joe... remember that night? Kid might be yours... wanna find out?"
    nikosmom's Avatar
    nikosmom Posts: 1,611, Reputation: 488
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    #9

    May 20, 2009, 08:23 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by 45notdaddy View Post
    At face value, again from what she says in the letter which is what I have to work with, she claims not to want the money - only to know who the father is. This is what she's claiming. Bearing this in mind is there a good way to have this dropped once the results are in? The only obvious one I can come up with is if her fiance adopts the child. It seems to me that she's using the system to handle this instead of doing it privately... What I'm trying to learn is if after the test the results were to come back with me being bio daddy could I have mediation to work through this? I'd like to establish my desire for this in the hearing phase... Again given the letter (which you folks seem to hold as akin to toilet paper) she might go for this - hence my desire for mediation.
    Everyone is treating her letter as if it's "toilet paper" because it's worthless. As Steve mentioned, if she didn't really want anything she could've just called and done the DNA test privately if she was only out to quench her curiosity. Going through "the system" automatically obligates you to pay support (if found to be the bio daddy as you put it). But to address your query- the judge will not consider her letter in deciding a judgement against you.

    As already pointed out, it's unlikely that her fiance will be allowed to adopt the child just yet. They will have to be married and maybe even for a certain amount of time.

    The reality is Child Support cases aren't long drawn out complex affairs with numerous court appearances, hearings, mediation, appeals, etc. If you are found to be the father, the judge will get documentation of your earnings (from your employer if you don't provide it) and assess an amount to this child based on if and how many other children you have. CS cases are only drawn out if there's a 'disagreement' of some sort (not showing up for the court date, putting off paternity testing, not complying with providing documentation, etc.) The main thing that takes up time is scheduling; a court date may be scheduled 2-3 months out and then would have to be continued if, let's say you didn't show up (because they want to give you adequate opportunity to be present before slapping a judgement against you).
    45notdaddy's Avatar
    45notdaddy Posts: 62, Reputation: 15
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    #10

    May 20, 2009, 09:33 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by stevetcg View Post
    That actually means "can I get mediation WHILE WE WAIT". Sorry man... thats what you wrote... thats what we go by.

    Used in the context that you did, pending essentially means that you are assuming that the results will be one thing so lets start the process while we wait for the official results.
    My mistake.
    Quote Originally Posted by stevetcg View Post

    After the results are in, yes, of course you can request mediation. And I suspect that you will have to, because why would she file paternity if she didnt want something? If she just wanted the child to know his father, its a whole lot easier to call and say "Hey Joe... remember that night? Kid might be yours... wanna find out?"
    I suspect that while I'm easy to find as far as the government is concerned a private party would have a much harder time of it. (I'm not in the phone book, nor do I own property) I've heard of cases where the mother uses Child Support procedures to flush out possible fathers when they don't want money.

    Since what she seems to want for the child is to know his father is there any way to get her to stop the proceedings against me either prior to or following the DNA test? Would Family law form 19.927 help? Court Programs (scroll down)

    Look, I'm not trying to be the bad guy here. I'm scared. I don't know what to do. I went from not having a kid to potentially facing jail because I'm unemployed in a state with a nearly 10% unemployment rate. Any hope I can find would be a good thing.

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