Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    jmjoseph's Avatar
    jmjoseph Posts: 2,727, Reputation: 1244
    Ultra Member
     
    #1

    May 22, 2009, 12:38 PM
    Whatever happened to manners?
    Maybe I need to vent. Maybe I need someone else's opinion, I don't know. Whatever happened to manners? Being a 40 something year old male from the south, where we USED to be proud of chivalry, I'm appalled at today's youth's lack of common courtesy and basic manners. Yes, there is a small percentage that do have consideration. But it used to be the norm. You don't see guys opening the door anymore for their girl, or holding the door for the little old lady coming in the post office as often. How about the knowledgeable, patient clerk at the hardware store. You tell them thank you and they say " no problem" . I KNOW it's no problem, you're getting paid aren't you? I'm doing my best to make sure that my two young sons have manners, and treat a lady like a lady like it should be done automatically. Abuse against women is commonplace. If we just simply get back to how it was when men were gentlemen, life would be so much better. Children with manners stand out like an endangered species today. Why? Have we gotten so busy to be nice to each other? It's never too late to teach or learn manners. And treat women like you treat your mother. THANK YOU for listening.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,825, Reputation: 2035
    Uber Member
     
    #2

    May 22, 2009, 12:45 PM

    Busy? No I think it is more about selfish. '

    Like I hate it when I go in the store to buy two or three items that cost less than $10. I go to get in line and somebody with a overflowing cart cuts in front of me. Use to be if somebody saw you had two or three items they let you go ahead of them.

    Same in driving people cut you off and then give you the finger and drive on cussing you out.

    Then you say ''good afternoon'' or ''how do you like this weather'' to a cashier and they give you a stupid look like you're an alien growing a third eye right before their very eyes.
    artlady's Avatar
    artlady Posts: 4,208, Reputation: 1477
    Ultra Member
     
    #3

    May 22, 2009, 12:47 PM

    The thing that gets me is that it is so easy to be polite.
    How long does it take to say thank-you or to hold a door or offer a seat on the bus?
    I always ask my higher power when I wake,allow me to do your work today and he gives me ample opportunity.
    I abhor ignorance and I think the only way to go is to show by example.
    Know that you are setting a higher standard for yourself and your children and pity the poor people who go through life never knowing how to give of themselves.
    nikosmom's Avatar
    nikosmom Posts: 1,611, Reputation: 488
    Ultra Member
     
    #4

    May 22, 2009, 12:57 PM

    I agree, I've noticed the same thing about today's young men not holding the doors for women. Seems like the way of the gentleman has fallen by the wayside.

    I've vowed to teach my son how to treat women with respect and hope that he'll become a man that I can be proud of.

    Being from the south as well where we speak to strangers, I miss the simple ways of being kind to one another.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,825, Reputation: 2035
    Uber Member
     
    #5

    May 22, 2009, 01:07 PM

    On the guys defense a little though.
    Nowadays many girls do not want a guy to hold the door and do things they can manage themselves.
    I agree that it is not right that guys just assume it isn't something they should do anymore or just weren't taught.

    One time on Love Connection Chuck Woolery noticed that when a girl didn't like the date she would criticize that the guy opened the door, pulled her seat out etc...
    Or that he never offered.
    If she liked the guy then it either didn't matter that he didn't offer or she would comment on how sweet it was that he did these things.

    I think guys should be raised with the manners and offer.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,813, Reputation: 5427
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #6

    May 22, 2009, 01:09 PM

    I am constantly amazed at the politeness and respect extended by all ages of people in the heavily multicultural community where I work. Chinese grandpa opens the library door for the black mother with a stroller -- white teen boy covered with piercings and tattoos asks the old lady if he can help her carry her books to her car (and no, he doesn't rob her along the way) -- people of all races/cultures are nice to our resident homeless guy -- patrons don't have a hissy fit when we tell them they owe $$ in overdue fines. I rarely see road rage, but notice drivers giving way to others. Maybe I've died and gone to heaven and don't know it yet.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,825, Reputation: 2035
    Uber Member
     
    #7

    May 22, 2009, 01:11 PM

    Maybe we all need to move to your town :)
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,813, Reputation: 5427
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #8

    May 22, 2009, 01:20 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by N0help4u View Post
    Maybe we all need to move to your town :)
    I will never, ever reveal where I work, under pain of torture, no matter what you do to me. My lips are sealed.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,825, Reputation: 2035
    Uber Member
     
    #9

    May 22, 2009, 01:33 PM

    Oh well I have to go back to plan B and find a way to move to one of the places I would like to move to.

    Another thing that drives me crazy is these young mothers that take advantage of older people and then talk about them like a dog.
    Like they get them feeling sorry for them and next thing you know they are buying them a cell phone and paying their monthly bill. Getting them to come pick up 8 loads of laundry and take it home, wash it and bring it back all nice and folded. Take them shopping and then conveniently don't have enough money to pay for the own baby's diapers so of course the old person offers.
    Then they have the nerve to roll their eyes and say '' oh that B!T*H'' when someone says the elderly person is going to stop by to visit them and they don't need them at the minute.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,813, Reputation: 5427
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #10

    May 22, 2009, 01:41 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by N0help4u View Post
    Oh well I have to go back to plan B and find a way to move to one of the places I would like to move to.

    Another thing that drives me crazy is these young mothers that take advantage of older people and then talk about them like a dog.
    Like they get them feeling sorry for them and next thing you know they are buying them a cell phone and paying their monthly bill. Getting them to come pick up 8 loads of laundry and take it home, wash it and bring it back all nice and folded. Take them shopping and then conveniently don't have enough money to pay for the own baby's diapers so of course the old person offers.
    Then they have the nerve to roll their eyes and say '' oh that B!T*H'' when someone says the elderly person is going to stop by to visit them and they don't need them at the minute.
    I thought Pa. was a kinder, gentler place to live. (I used to live in the state to the north.)
    artlady's Avatar
    artlady Posts: 4,208, Reputation: 1477
    Ultra Member
     
    #11

    May 22, 2009, 04:54 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    I am constantly amazed at the politeness and respect extended by all ages of people in the heavily multicultural community where I work. Chinese grandpa opens the library door for the black mother with a stroller -- white teen boy covered with piercings and tattoos asks the old lady if he can help her carry her books to her car (and no, he doesn't rob her along the way) -- people of all races/cultures are nice to our resident homeless guy -- patrons don't have a hissy fit when we tell them they owe $$ in overdue fines. I rarely see road rage, but notice drivers giving way to others. Maybe I've died and gone to heaven and don't know it yet.
    I see much of that as well . When I do see that someone is being less than kind ,I comfort myself by knowing that within the next minute I will see the opposite.
    I also live in a multicultural community and when I first moved here I was happy to see that people look out for people first.
    jmjoseph's Avatar
    jmjoseph Posts: 2,727, Reputation: 1244
    Ultra Member
     
    #12

    May 22, 2009, 04:57 PM
    Did you notice after 9/11 that people were nicer and more tolerant? We let people cut in traffic , let the three item shopper go first , held the door with a somber smile. We've still got it in us. And as far as guys' lack of respect, I'm glad I had boys only. Because if some punk with his waistband down to his knees, bolt in his tongue , weedwacker haircut, skull tattoo on his neck , blows the horn in my driveway for my baby girl to come out , I might just snap. At my house it's PLEASE , THANK YOU ,YES SIR, NO MA'AM and GOD bless us all.
    nikosmom's Avatar
    nikosmom Posts: 1,611, Reputation: 488
    Ultra Member
     
    #13

    May 22, 2009, 11:17 PM

    That's wonderful to hear jmjoseph. My boy isn't talking much (he's 2) but Please and Thank You and Yes Sir/Ma'am will definitely be emphasized in my household as well. He's already trying to say Thank You- although it comes out as "Take-ku" but the intention is there. :)
    jmjoseph's Avatar
    jmjoseph Posts: 2,727, Reputation: 1244
    Ultra Member
     
    #14

    May 23, 2009, 09:12 AM
    N-mom and Artlady too, Thanks, I truly feel that it's in everyone's best interest for our children to be taught that courtesy, kindness , and manners are extremely important. I think the kid with manners will get the job, be considered for the promotion, be on the church council, and the like. I like to consider myself a fun Daddy , not a drill sargent . My wife's usually out of the country on the weekends (flight attendant), and it's just myself and the boys , 4 & 7 doing the guy thing. I get extra time to emphasize it's (manners) importance. Along with treating girls with respect. It's not that hard to be "cool" while you're teaching . Children are like sponges anyway , and definitely learn by example . I genuinely feel that people are good too, but not like it used to be. " Kids these days"... really makes me think what my retirement is going to be like. I don't want to be a crusty, mean, old man. GOD BLESS our little ones.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,813, Reputation: 5427
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #15

    May 23, 2009, 10:03 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by jmjoseph View Post
    Children are like sponges anyway , and definitely learn by example .
    My sons are 33 and 38 and still have a stack of thank-you notes and stamps nearby whenever they open gifts. (I used to tell them they cannot use/spend/play with the gift until the thank-you note has been written. My words apparently sank in.)
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,271, Reputation: 5643
    Expert
     
    #16

    May 23, 2009, 10:20 AM
    I never make my children say yes/no ma'am/sir to me and my husband. Yes, we live in the south. BUT, they do say it to other adults. To me, as a family, it makes me feel as if my children are afraid of me. I don't want that.

    My daughter, 15, had her first boyfriend a year or so ago. He carried her books, opened doors, etc. She said she was flattered, but that it made her feel as though she was weak. She said that she could do these things herself. She is a very liberated and mature young woman for 15, most of her friends don't hold a candle to her.

    But she likes to be treated as an equal. No, she's not a Gloria Steinum (sp) type, just very intellectual and can hold her own.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,813, Reputation: 5427
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #17

    May 23, 2009, 10:27 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by J_9 View Post
    But she likes to be treated as an equal. No, she's not a Gloria Steinum (sp) type, just very intellectual and can hold her own.
    There's a time for a girl to be treated as an equal (math class, e.g.) and a time to be treated like a lady. If she understands the difference and acts accordingly, guys will throw themselves at her feet.
    jmjoseph's Avatar
    jmjoseph Posts: 2,727, Reputation: 1244
    Ultra Member
     
    #18

    May 23, 2009, 10:43 AM
    J-9 and everyone else, I don't think ,or teach my sons to think ,that women are " the weaker sex". My wife comes in from a trip and puts on work clothes ( overalls ) and boots and gets in the garden, or does chores around the house, using power tools or whatever else needed. She's kind of like Ellie Mae Clampett in that sense ( sexy to me, that's one reason why I married her), we take the boys fishing and she not only baits her own hook, she helps me clean the fish too. What I do teach my sons is that girls are to be treated with respect , not hit or teased like little boys. In the ten years I've been married, I've never so much as said a hateful word to my wife . That's something that I want to come natural to my kids when they get married. Today's women are more independent than ever before. I hope they don't take offense when a guy tries to be a gentleman.
    nikosmom's Avatar
    nikosmom Posts: 1,611, Reputation: 488
    Ultra Member
     
    #19

    May 23, 2009, 02:41 PM

    I'm an independent woman; I have to be. I'm a single mom so I pay the bills, mow the lawn, do the laundry, cook the meals, kiss the ouchies, check the oil in the car, toss around the ball with my boy, and still take the time to do my hair and make-up in the mornings. But I still appreciate a true gentleman.

    I don't date much these days but when I do I expect that he should open the door for me and treat me like a lady. It's not that I can't do certain things (because I obviously do them for myself when I'm alone), it's just nice to have a man step up and bring back the old ways of the gentleman.

    About a month ago when leaving church I noticed my tire was going flat so I headed to a gas station. The tire had completely shredded by the time I pulled into the station so I went in the trunk for my jack and spare. Now an older gentleman, around 70 I suppose, offered to help me. I told him thank you and that I was ok- the truth was that I didn't feel comfortable asking him to do it because of his age. Did I want help?- Of course. It was hot and I was wearing my Sunday's best. Plus my baby was in the backseat. Quite a few 'younger' men walked past while I was down on my knees changing the tire. And not one of them had the kindness of the older man to offer any assistance. It made me sad. Of course I knew how to change the tire and I did and made it home safely. But it would've been nice if those that were physically able had offered to see if they could help in any way.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,825, Reputation: 2035
    Uber Member
     
    #20

    May 23, 2009, 02:46 PM

    I am the same as nikosmom.
    I don't expect a guy to open doors or anything but it is nice when they offer and I can tell them 'no but thanks' or 'thank you that is sweet'.

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search

Add your answer here.


Check out some similar questions!

Teaching teen daughter manners [ 5 Answers ]

My 15 year old daughter talks on the phone with a guy she likes as a friend. Now, I know the guy likes her for more, but he hasn't pushed their friendship. Problem: She talks very rude to him and isn't very nice. I've told her a million times she dsn't have to like him for more but at least be...

Preschooler-poor table manners [ 5 Answers ]

I run a small preschool, and I have a new student, he is 3 1/2 years old. He is a very, very slow eater, and he does not eat very much at meals. But while he is eating he rocks back and forth, is constantly moving, opens his mouth to show me what he has chewed, he also talks a lot and plays...

To the people who have poor bus manners? [ 3 Answers ]

I never understand why people on the bus or train never use their brains,much less manners to exit out the back door of the bus? Why are you going to squeeze your smelly body through a crowd of people just to go out the front door? Come on people! Can anyone relate?

South Asian Manners [ 5 Answers ]

Ok, this is in no way meant to be a racist thread, I am genuinly curious about this... I've noticed that the majority of posts coming from this area of the World are devoid of any manners, i.e. they do not say please or thank you. The posts are like "I WANT THIS ANSWER, I WANT IT NOW" ...


View more questions Search