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    rab5700's Avatar
    rab5700 Posts: 9, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Mar 31, 2008, 10:11 AM
    Rehearsal dinner etiquette
    My stepson will be marring soon. We have serious financial problems and are unable to pay for the rehearsal dinner. The Bride said that this was fine buy my husband is upset. What can we do or is this OK in today's world?
    Becca1025's Avatar
    Becca1025 Posts: 422, Reputation: 45
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    #2

    Apr 1, 2008, 09:27 PM
    We've decided to just barbque for the rehearsal dinner. Keep it simple and cheap. I don't mind serving hotdogs and burgers, having chips and dip, and finger foods. It doesn't need to be so formal, its just the wedding party and parents anyway. If they don't like it tough. Or have people bring a dish. Nothing wrong with that. And have people bring their own booze.
    kp2171's Avatar
    kp2171 Posts: 5,320, Reputation: 1612
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    #3

    Apr 1, 2008, 09:46 PM
    The above post is spot on.

    If you can't afford a big dinner out, try something different.

    I have a big family gathering about 4-6 times a year. This can mean between 20-50 people to feed.

    One of the best meals to feed a crowd is baked pasta. I can feed an army with homemade red sauce and baked rigatoni. Not hard to take off the shelf sauce and change it up a little.

    I've also done beef brisket sandwiches, which costs more, but is still good for crowds as you can keep it hot in a slow cooker.

    Look... you are where you are. In the end, the meal isn't going to make or break the marriage. Try to find something that can feed the group, but not break the bank.

    Don't feel bad about this.
    Picassa's Avatar
    Picassa Posts: 42, Reputation: 6
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    #4

    Apr 7, 2008, 08:48 PM
    Good advice to keep things simple. Traditionally the groom's family decides on the rehearsal dinner, not the bride. What does your stepson say? Is his mother sharing the costs?
    There are a lot of good ideas to feed a crowd. One that we've done with large gatherings is a big bag or two of Costco meatballs (or Ikea Swedish meatballs) and sauce, baked potatoes with toppings and a big green salad. Dessert can be simple. The essence of the rehearsal dinner is to allow the families and attendants an event (different from the reception) at which to get to know one another prior to the ceremony.

    Best wishes to you and good luck!
    rab5700's Avatar
    rab5700 Posts: 9, Reputation: 2
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    #5

    Apr 8, 2008, 06:19 AM
    Thanks for your ideas. Both the kids are great about not wanting us to spend a lot of money on them but the father, my husband, is embarrassed that he is unable to give this to them. There is zero relationship between us and the mother so we do not know what she has in mind but in the past always wanted the dad to anti up for everything. WE are going to offer to do an at home cocktail party instead of a restaurant. That we can do and at least if they refuse we have tried. I'm not sure anything at home will be OK because of the strained relationship between the parents. However we will be gracious and invite her too.
    kp2171's Avatar
    kp2171 Posts: 5,320, Reputation: 1612
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    #6

    Apr 8, 2008, 07:09 AM
    All you can do is give everybody a change to behave and it'll be whatever it is... if my wife's divorced parents could be in the same room for three hours celebrating our marriage without so much as a huff or glare, anything can happen.
    Picassa's Avatar
    Picassa Posts: 42, Reputation: 6
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    #7

    Apr 8, 2008, 09:40 AM
    At times, in the interest of gaining a better understanding of a situation it is necessary to ask further questions in order to give a better answer. As you navigate this site more, you will find others asking clarification questions as well. I did not mean to offend.
    I do beg your pardon. Mea Culpa.

    Best wishes to you, dear.
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
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    #8

    Apr 21, 2008, 09:57 PM
    Either contribute what you can toward the event, offer to do the party in your home, or let them kow that when things are better you would like to make it up to them in another way. Weddings need to be done within the means of the families, and sometimes those means are minimal. If the wedding rehearsal dinner is being planned beyond what you can afford to offer to pay, that's the choice of that bride and groom. Don't feel badly, offer what you comfortably can, and enjoy it. Life's too short and you are primarily family... not the local bank... in this event.
    shellyjo68's Avatar
    shellyjo68 Posts: 100, Reputation: 11
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    #9

    May 7, 2008, 04:18 PM
    Keep it cheap and worry about fun and celabration! Maybe something your step-son liked to do as a child--Picnic at the park or Little Ceasar's $5.00 pizza--if that was his favorite. When I married my husband all I cared about was the rest of my life not the cost of a dinner.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,277, Reputation: 7690
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    #10

    May 7, 2008, 04:45 PM
    The main thing with an entire wedding, don't go 1000's of dollars into debt to do it, Simple weddings can be very nice.

    And if you can't afford something, you can't afford it, do you think that families whose parents are working at min wage have large dinners, no they have siimple affairs, Often some churches ( if being married at a church) has ladies groups that will do the meal for much less. But you do only what you can afford and if it is nothing, then they can make other arrangements

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