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    albie2's Avatar
    albie2 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jun 13, 2009, 06:08 AM
    No engagement ring
    I want to propose marriage to my girlfriend, but I cannot afford an engagement ring. Is there etiquette around this and/or how do I arrange a still heartfelt proposal?
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,292, Reputation: 7691
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    #2

    Jun 13, 2009, 11:53 AM

    Just ask her marry you, rings are not required
    0rphan's Avatar
    0rphan Posts: 1,282, Reputation: 240
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    #3

    Jun 13, 2009, 02:42 PM
    Hi, albie2,

    You don't have to have a ring at the time of the proposal, some couples decide to wait and pick out a ring together, whilst others don't bother at all and save their money towards getting married.

    However most girls would be proud to wear an engagement ring, as it is classed as a promise to marriage,but it is not essential and will in no way affect the answer that you hope your proposal of marriage will bring.

    If the person loves you enough to marry eventually, then a ring will not make any difference.

    Should this person just want a ring as a trophy, then they are not for you.

    I wish you luck.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
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    #4

    Jun 17, 2009, 10:44 AM
    Just my opinion, but I'd save up and buy a ring, not even necessarily anything expensive, but a proposal without a ring, is like a boston crème donut without the crème.

    A ring is symbolic, yes, but it is a special event. The engagement ring is as important in an engagement, as the wedding ring is in a wedding ceremony.

    You wouldn't expect her to wait a few months for her birthday gift would you?
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
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    #5

    Jun 20, 2009, 07:14 PM

    I would wait and get her a ring when you can afford it. Not to sound too materialistic, but do you want to announce your engagement to her family and friends with them looking for a ring, and you explaining you'll get her one later? I'd just avoid this awkwardness - perhaps in the meantime you can let he know your intentions, "I am saving so that I can ask you to marry me some day soon - don't loose patience with me, our time will come."
    jakeroberts's Avatar
    jakeroberts Posts: 2, Reputation: 2
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    #6

    Jul 24, 2009, 10:30 AM

    A woman in my office got engaged without a ring. She said he couldn't afford it but promised to get her one once they had the money.

    At the time she said she wanted to get married anyway but it was really awkward telling people they were engaged etc.

    4 years later, she still doesn't have a ring.

    Moral of the story... get the ring first.
    maplestone's Avatar
    maplestone Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Jul 27, 2009, 02:15 PM

    I remember hearing people making a paper ring and other people using other materials but tell her that you are planning to get her a real ring but you wanted to ask her and wanting to really want to marry her. Other wise wait until you have a ring being than you have a very confuse girl wondering if she engage or not.. the ring is a very important symbol... most girl do think about it..
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,473, Reputation: 760
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    #8

    Jul 27, 2009, 02:33 PM
    Couple of suggestions ; 1.) buy a cubic zirconia ring or something similar ; something that resembles a real diamond, or 2.) perhaps you can obtain a diamond from a family heirloom (your mother could probably help you with this ; maybe she has a diamond that belonged to her mother or other ancestor) that you could have re-set ; it would not be terribly expensive as you would not be paying for the diamond, only for the labor to have it put into a ring setting.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #9

    Jul 27, 2009, 02:43 PM

    Who will be paying for the wedding? When do you want to marry? How will you two survive?

    If you can't afford a ring how can you afford to get married and be married.

    No, the ring isn't the most important thing, but to me it's a symbol of commitment and proof that you can afford to spend your lives together.

    Why not wait until you can afford a ring? It doesn't have to be expensive, but a ring should be offered, it's tradition.

    Just my opinion. :)
    ProjectAdvisor's Avatar
    ProjectAdvisor Posts: 9, Reputation: 0
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    #10

    Jul 27, 2009, 03:05 PM
    "I am so sorry that I cannot afford a ring right now, but will you be my bride?" Tell her that when you have saved up enough money the two of you can go and pick out the ring together. That would make her feel good. Do not postpone asking her to marry you.
    Silverfoxkit's Avatar
    Silverfoxkit Posts: 798, Reputation: 264
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    #11

    Jul 27, 2009, 03:18 PM

    As someone else suggested you could try giving her a family heirloom if at all possible such as a grandmothers ring.

    The importance of a ring really varies from woman to woman and I can't really say whether your girl would be at all disappointed without one.

    You don't necessarily have to go out and spend several hundred on a ring. You can often get a nice, simple diamond ring for less then a hundred, if you look at the right times and in the right places. Jewelry stores often have great sales. You can even look online and you may very well find a great bargain ring.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #12

    Jul 27, 2009, 03:20 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Silverfoxkit View Post
    As someone else suggested you could try giving her a family heirloom if at all possible such as a grandmothers ring.

    The importance of a ring really varies from woman to woman and I can't really say whether or not your girl would be at all disappointed without one.

    You don't necessarily have to go out and spend several hundred on a ring. You can often get a nice, simple diamond ring for less then a hundred, if you look at the right times and in the right places. Jewelry stores often have great sales. You can even look online and you may very well find a great bargain ring.
    Exactly.

    I looked on Ebay, there are tons of nice engagement rings, you can bid as high as you're willing to pay.
    ISneezeFunny's Avatar
    ISneezeFunny Posts: 4,175, Reputation: 821
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    #13

    Jul 27, 2009, 03:27 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Altenweg View Post
    Who will be paying for the wedding? When do you want to marry? How will you two survive?

    If you can't afford a ring how can you afford to get married and be married.

    No, the ring isn't the most important thing, but to me it's a symbol of commitment and proof that you can afford to spend your lives together.

    Why not wait until you can afford a ring? It doesn't have to be expensive, but a ring should be offered, it's tradition.

    Just my opinion. :)
    This is a very valid point. I understand couples wait months and sometimes years to get married, but do you actually have a plan to get a ring, and then later, pay for the wedding, a home together, etc.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #14

    Jul 27, 2009, 03:28 PM

    Here are some of the engagement rings on Ebay right now. All at buy it now prices, under $5.

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    No, none of them are real diamond, most of them are silver, but still, they're pretty and a sign that you mean business. :)
    Silverfoxkit's Avatar
    Silverfoxkit Posts: 798, Reputation: 264
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    #15

    Jul 27, 2009, 03:45 PM

    One thing you should never, ever do is rush engagement and marriage. If you are deeply in love with her and she with you then won't it be the same way in a few months when you can get her the ring that you would like to get her?
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #16

    Jul 27, 2009, 03:48 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Silverfoxkit View Post
    One thing you should never, ever do is rush engagement and marriage. If you are deeply in love with her and she with you then won't it be the same way in a few months when you can get her the ring that you would like to get her?
    True, but hey, the ones I found are purty! ;)
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,505, Reputation: 4600
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    #17

    Jul 27, 2009, 05:36 PM

    I don't understand the importance of an engagement ring. I never wear mine - I don't want to have to worry about it so I keep it locked up.

    My husband handed me a wedding ring when he proposed and said, "I want you to wear this on your left hand." I said, "It's a wedding ring," and he said, "Yes, I think you should marry me." I agreed with him.

    On our first anniversary he gave me an engagement ring - which, as I said, I almost never wore/wear.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #18

    Jul 27, 2009, 05:55 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    I don't understand the importance of an engagement ring. I never wear mine - I don't want to have to worry about it so I keep it locked up.

    My husband handed me a wedding ring when he proposed and said, "I want you to wear this on your left hand." I said, "It's a wedding ring," and he said, "Yes, I think you should marry me." I agreed with him.

    On our first anniversary he gave me an engagement ring - which, as I said, I almost never wore/wear.
    My engagement ring is such that it locks into the wedding band. Alone neither one looks good, together it's beautiful. It's sort of like hubby and me. ;)

    I never wanted an engagement ring either, but to my husband it was a sign that he was not only ready to commit to me, but financially stable enough to work together and build a life together.

    We dated for over 3 years before we got engaged, we were engaged for over 18 months before we married. Fourteen years later, we're still together. :)

    It's just a symbol, but to many people it's an important one. To me, if the girl didn't get a ring I always wonder how they'll survive financially.

    It doesn't have to cost a bundle, it doesn't have to be the biggest and best, but something for her to look at and know that you've committed to her and only her.

    I still like the ones I found on eBay. ;)
    BlackVY's Avatar
    BlackVY Posts: 823, Reputation: 154
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    #19

    Jul 27, 2009, 06:03 PM

    Yeah... the eBay ones are nice... but if you don't feel good getting her a non-real diamond ring, get her this eBay ring as a promise that when the time comes, you will get her a real one...

    This way, she will still feel engaged and can look at her finger and think of the coming marriage... To me and my fiancé, the ring is more of a symbol our relationship than an actual ring, but she loves her ring... :)
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,825, Reputation: 2035
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    #20

    Jul 27, 2009, 08:31 PM

    I handed my boyfriend a bubble gum machine ring and told him this was good enough for me...
    But pulling that on her may get your butt kicked to the dust.
    Not something I'd advise... unless maybe she has that kind of sense of humor and doesn't care all that much about bling bling.

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