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    orange's Avatar
    orange Posts: 1,364, Reputation: 197
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    #1

    Jul 13, 2006, 10:40 PM
    Late night phone calls
    I have always been somewhat of a night owl, and especially so now that I have a young baby to care for. Most nights I am up until 2 am and sometimes later. However, I don't like getting phone calls after a certain time, say, 10 pm or so. Tonight a friend of mine called after 11, just to talk about nothing, and I was annoyed. I have told this friend in the past that I don't like calls after 10 pm. She says that's weird because I stay up until 2 am. Is it weird? She made me feel kind of bad, like I'm an unfriendly person or something. But the thing is, I just don't like having late calls. Usually I am relaxing, having "alone time", or visiting with my husband (I don't see him at all during the day, as he's at the hospital for 12 hours typically). Plus the kids are in bed so it's my time to veg. As much as I like my friends I don't want to hear from them that late unless it's important. Any thoughts?
    magprob's Avatar
    magprob Posts: 1,877, Reputation: 299
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    #2

    Jul 13, 2006, 10:49 PM
    I personally think it is rude to call anyone after 8:00PM... unless of course it is your neighbor and their house is on fire! They might want to know that at any hour.
    Cassie's Avatar
    Cassie Posts: 150, Reputation: 46
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    #3

    Jul 14, 2006, 01:11 AM
    I was taught you did not call anyone before 8AM or after 9PM. Bad manners to call any other time. If you notice those wonderful telemarketers only call between 8AM and 9PM. You have every right to be annoyed, you should not feel a bit bad, she on the other hand should feel bad. Soooo from now on if it is her, let the machine get it and enjoy your down time and you husband. That is your right. :p
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
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    #4

    Jul 14, 2006, 01:34 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by orange
    I have always been somewhat of a night owl, and especially so now that I have a young baby to care for. Most nights I am up until 2 am and sometimes later. However, I don't like getting phone calls after a certain time, say, 10 pm or so. Tonight a friend of mine called after 11, just to talk about nothing, and I was annoyed. I have told this friend in the past that I don't like calls after 10 pm. She says that's weird because I stay up until 2 am. Is it weird? She made me feel kind of bad, like I'm an unfriendly person or something. But the thing is, I just don't like having late calls. Usually I am relaxing, having "alone time", or visiting with my husband (I don't see him at all during the day, as he's at the hospital for 12 hours typically). Plus the kids are in bed so it's my time to veg. As much as I like my friends I don't want to hear from them that late unless it's important. Any thoughts?
    You are definitley not weird and neither rude!
    Its your house, your rules orange. Friends / family should respect that.
    If this persists, I would leave your land line off the hock! That way no calls can come in.
    Im sure you have a mobile and if anyone needs you urgently they can call you on the mob, and if someone calls that you don't want to speak to you can see it on the screen and just don't answer.
    You deserve your "alone time" especially at that hour now that you got a child. :) xx
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
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    #5

    Jul 14, 2006, 02:15 AM
    Hello! Just because your up does not give her a right to call at anytime. Being disturbed by the phone. Children are sleeping and others at that time. You are correct and there is nothing weird about it. We all need our own time. I am like you I am a night owl, but I like to be left alone.

    Joe
    Nez's Avatar
    Nez Posts: 557, Reputation: 51
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    #6

    Jul 14, 2006, 06:50 AM
    With both me,and Sally working in the care field,and having a six year old son,we pull out the phone-jacks after 10:00pm,so as not to be disturbed by "nothing calls".We re-plug the phone-jacks at 6:00am.Often we may have reports to write,then we like to unwind.If it's an important call,or an emergency,we both have pagers.Even our mobile (cell) phones are switched off till morning.All our friends and family know when not to intrude :D I agree that it's bad manners to call someone after 9:00pm,just to have a chat about nothing in particular.
    valinors_sorrow's Avatar
    valinors_sorrow Posts: 2,927, Reputation: 653
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    #7

    Jul 14, 2006, 07:01 AM
    I just let the phone ring anytime I don't want to be interrupted - day or night. I know it has astonished a few friends who have seen me do it but I think it is an invitation to talk, not a command. I get "peopled out" very easily as a condition of my work, so this is one of many tricks I have learned to make for me-time or to just slooooow it down about how fast its coming at me. It is the same as unplugging it (which is a good thing too) but then I don't have anyone to be concerned about waking at night either. On the rare occasion I get a call in the middle of the night, that I want to hear and answer (but it better be good! Grrrr). And if that makes me weird, then I am but at least I am in good company -- most of my friends are too! :p
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,970, Reputation: 6056
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    #8

    Jul 14, 2006, 08:38 AM
    This is what answering machines are for. We almost never pick up the phone unless we recognize the callerID. Even then, we'll sometimes let it go to the answering machine.

    Calls after 9PM had better be an emergency.
    RickJ's Avatar
    RickJ Posts: 7,762, Reputation: 864
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    #9

    Jul 14, 2006, 08:51 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by orange
    I have always been somewhat of a night owl, and especially so now that I have a young baby to care for. Most nights I am up until 2 am and sometimes later. However, I don't like getting phone calls after a certain time, say, 10 pm or so. Tonight a friend of mine called after 11, just to talk about nothing, and I was annoyed. I have told this friend in the past that I don't like calls after 10 pm. She says that's weird because I stay up until 2 am. Is it weird? She made me feel kind of bad, like I'm an unfriendly person or something. But the thing is, I just don't like having late calls. Usually I am relaxing, having "alone time", or visiting with my husband (I don't see him at all during the day, as he's at the hospital for 12 hours typically). Plus the kids are in bed so it's my time to veg. As much as I like my friends I don't want to hear from them that late unless it's important. Any thoughts?
    Your friend is being
    1. absolutely rude to disregard your request, and
    2. inconsiderate to call so late knowing that most of the family is sleeping.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,271, Reputation: 5643
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    #10

    Jul 14, 2006, 08:53 AM
    I totally agree with every answre you have gotten so far. I especially like what ScottGem said about using the caller ID, we do that too. In my house if you call after 9 p.m. it better be a life or death emergency.
    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,667, Reputation: 698
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    #11

    Jul 14, 2006, 09:30 AM
    This does not save me any money, but I don't answer my phone or my doorbell after 8 PM. All my friends and family know this, so they know what window to come to when they need to come by, and know what to say on my answering machine so that I'll call them back.

    I also have a sign near my doorbell (in two languages) that they are wasting their time.

    I also have a mobile phone and only my immediate family and very special people have access to me when it's on - this is after 8 PM..

    I have a weird 6th sense, when the phone rings, I know if it's someone I want to talk to or not, so even during the day, I don't answer if I don't feel like it.

    When at home, I like my privacy - and you certainly have a right to yours, especially after a certain time.

    Your home is your castle, defend it all you want, dear!


    ... Only if you let them...
    orange's Avatar
    orange Posts: 1,364, Reputation: 197
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    #12

    Jul 14, 2006, 12:31 PM
    Thanks so much for all the answers! I want to you all comments, but I have given out too much reputation in the last 24 hours... again! LOL. I am really glad though that everyone seems to be unanimous on this point... because I really hate getting the calls. I'm also glad to know that most of you are also "weird" like me! ;)

    Regarding unplugging the phone, I can't do that, as the hospital may phone my husband at any time, even when he's not on call. So we need to keep the line on. However we have considered getting a special phone or line just for the hospital. The other thing is, I used to unplug the phone, and this friend who I mentioned would then COME OVER and ring the doorbell or knock at the back door and scare me half to death!! (not to mention waking people up) She lives very close to us, just a few doors down actually. I very much like the idea of a note by the doorbell, Chery. I have been tempted to buy a large "Do Not Disturb" sign too. Actually I think my friend is a little low on the social etiquette scale...
    valinors_sorrow's Avatar
    valinors_sorrow Posts: 2,927, Reputation: 653
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    #13

    Jul 14, 2006, 12:39 PM
    Sometimes Chava, the most loving thing we can do is risk pissing someone off teaching them what I call "care & feeding" instructions about ourselves. This is almost a rite of passage. It may seem like its treating them in a childish manner but sometimes it's what it takes to make it work. If they comply, good. If they don't, then its probably time to part ways so they can fall in with friends who will tolerate that. I have lost more than a few "friends" that way but it seems it made room for more compatible ones in the long run.

    I'm in with Chery about this one: To a large degree, we get what we are willing to tolerate... even from other adults. Loving language about it might be like this: "This ________(fill in what they are doing) won't work for me, and so I need you to _______(fill in what would). Is that possible?" If it is, hold them to it, saying that you will be holdig them to it if you think it needs reinforcement. If not, then consider saying "Well then, I think I need to pass on this friendship since this is really important to me." and then wish them well as you say goodbye. Real friend negotiate and are interested in you getting what you need too. Hostage takers aren't.
    orange's Avatar
    orange Posts: 1,364, Reputation: 197
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    #14

    Jul 14, 2006, 01:27 PM
    Those are great points, Val, thanks! I think the biggest issue for me is, 2 years ago I didn't have all the responsibilities I have now (there were no children in the house, for example), and so since there was just me to consider and no one else, I tolerated a lot from friends when I really should have been sticking up for myself. However now my life has changed dramatically and I simply do not have the flexibility I used to have, yet I still have these "friends" bothering me. I agree I need to make decisions about whether these friends are worth keeping or not, especially if they don't respect my boundaries.
    Jay_Jay's Avatar
    Jay_Jay Posts: 74, Reputation: 15
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    #15

    Jul 14, 2006, 02:20 PM
    I think it is rude for your friend to be calling your house on phone and in person at all times of day and night ! I agree as posted above that you may need to just be a little straight and say " hey please don't call or come around after etc hours ". A good friend should not take offence to this, It may also be a good idear as you said Orange to get a second line just for your husband and the hospital etc.
    Cassie's Avatar
    Cassie Posts: 150, Reputation: 46
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    #16

    Jul 14, 2006, 02:30 PM
    Why don't you just say, I don't find it at all weird or strange that I don't like to answer the phone after 9. End of subject, you can let the machine answer it and you can still be friends. You really owe her no explanation nor do you need to justify your reasoning, if you do not want to.
    Just a thought.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,292, Reputation: 7691
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    #17

    Jul 14, 2006, 03:36 PM
    I personally just turn my phones off between 8 and 9 pm, voice mail will tell me the next morning if something was happening, and I will be rested and better to deal with any level of emergancy.
    aqua@home's Avatar
    aqua@home Posts: 565, Reputation: 107
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    #18

    Jul 14, 2006, 05:35 PM
    I don't know if there is a right or wrong time to call someone you are friends with, unless it has been said between the two of you. In your case it has and I think it's inconsiderate of her to continue to go against your wishes. In this case, it's a phone call, but it could be anything else and the same should apply. Respect a person's wishes.

    I call my aunt (and good friend) until 1am, but I know she's up AND I know she doesn't mind. I don't think the request matters as much as respecting it.

    I am sure if your friend was having an emergency or really needed to talk to you that would be different.
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
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    #19

    Jul 27, 2006, 03:14 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by kriskstar
    well what do you expect, if you stay up so late, someone that knows you that might be up also and just want to see whats up. if its that big of an issue just turn your ringer off. you know people its really all that simple turn off the ringer, not everyone knows what your doing, and as far as all this stuff about no calls before 8 am or after 9 pm. this isnt the 1950s.
    Kriskstar its got nothing doing to do with it being 1950's dear, its all to do with respect!
    Respecting each other.
    Especially with kids asleep.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,271, Reputation: 5643
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    #20

    Jul 27, 2006, 05:29 AM
    I totally disagree with you kriskstar! This is not the 1950s, but this woman has children including a new baby. This is all about respect!! All of us want some quiet time.

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