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    Barnes66's Avatar
    Barnes66 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Apr 3, 2015, 12:24 PM
    How can I tell someone to stop flirting with me in a work place
    There is this older man at work who is getting too friendly and I want to put a stop to it.I don't work with him everyday since I have a part time casual position and he has permanent position on different floor. I am casual which means I float and work different floors so sometimes I get scheduled to work on is floor.

    We became cool when he offered me a ride last winter because my car woudnt start .So he gave me and this other girl at work a lift then when he dropped me home ,he jump started my car and I was able to get the engine to turn over. I thanked him and he said no problem. Whenever I would see him around work, he would say hi and ask me how is everything and if my car is working fine etc. So I just thought he is just nice and friendly. I didn't think much of it and it didn't bother me.

    I sometimes would run into him outside work and we would have a brief chat then we would go on our separate ways. There was time when he asked for my number when I ran into him in grocery store and I asked him why then he said that he can talk to me whenever he wants. I told him that I am not a phone person and we can talk whenever we see each other at work. He was cool with my response and didn't press the issue


    However, lately I feel like he is flirting with me and not being just friendly. Whenever I work on his floor his face lights up and seem really happy to see me. Then he will ask how I am and when I return the question he would say he is not happy because he doesn't see me often. He will say something like ``oh why are doing this to me? I don't see you around that much, you always brighten my day when I see you`` He would also stand close to me and say`` How come you are not giving me what I want ``not in serious way. I would ask him what is it that he wants then he will say`` you know what I want, don't pretend like you dont``he says these things in playful way. He also said that he was going to go to his supper break but he wishes if I could come as well so we can just talk. Then he told me that he wanted to talk to me when I asked about what he was like ``you will know`` in seductive voice. I never follow up with this and avoided him at the rest of the shift. He says these when no one is around so made sure I was with other co workers around afterwards
    The thing is, he is old enough to be my father and is married. I know he might think these comments are harmless but they make me feel uncomfortable and weird. I want to tell him next time I work with him but I don't want to make things awkward between us and I hate confrontation . I just want him to be professional. How can handle this?
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #2

    Apr 3, 2015, 12:29 PM
    I'd just tell him, that you already have a boyfriend and you are a one man woman, and besides... relationships in the workplace are ALWAYS a bad idea for everyone involved.

    If he doesn't take the hint... you could always talk with your Human resources representative.

    I'd save being rude or aggressive as a last resort.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,915, Reputation: 10852
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    #3

    Apr 3, 2015, 12:47 PM
    There is a way to be straight, and truthful, without being rude or confrontational. When he flirts(?) or invites you, NEVER ask what or why, nip it in the bud with "you are too old, married, and NOT my type".

    A few direct REJECTIONS should work but you need to get over being afraid of dealing with awkward situations, obviously they don't work because you still have to face them, and avoiding confrontation seldom works. Being creative in your rejection of unwanted attention is a great people skill that comes with self confidence.

    By now he knows he has no chance, but you are easy and available for his BS, Miss Passive. If you are too afraid of telling him directly you don't like his flirting, then you better get creative.
    odinn7's Avatar
    odinn7 Posts: 7,691, Reputation: 1547
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    #4

    Apr 3, 2015, 12:56 PM
    The other 2 answers before me were very good and should work for you but I just wanted to point something out in case you haven't realized it. You said you don't want things to be awkward between the two of you but the way I see it, things are already awkward now. You are trying to avoid him and are uncomfortable around him...sounds like it is already awkward for you anyway. Face up to him, play it like you were told by Smoothie and Tal and see where it goes from there. Can't get too much more awkward if you ask me.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #5

    Apr 3, 2015, 01:00 PM
    "How come you are not giving me what I want ``not in serious way. I would ask him what is it that he wants then"

    SAY WHAT? If that's not being coy and stringing him along, I don't know what is.
    Take the advice given above.
    And if he stands too close, move away very elaborately.
    If he says something personal, slam your hand on a table or wall and say just one word, STOP, so that others can hear, and walk away.
    He WILL stop.

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