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    jordii's Avatar
    jordii Posts: 28, Reputation: 3
    New Member

    Mar 16, 2013, 02:47 PM
    Gifts for destination weddings

    I know this topic is quite controversial and I have very strong opinions on it myself but I would like to know what other people think.

    We have been invited to a desination wedding. The wedding couple has arranged for a block of rooms at a reduced rate for guests. For us it will require a long drive and a weekend at the hotel. Some guests are coming from much further.

    We have known the groom for many years but we have never met the bride. This is the second wedding for each of them. They do not have children and often take expensive vacations around the world. Unfortunately that is not the case for many of the guests.

    I am of the opinion that if you truly want people to attend your wedding then you should welcome them by covering their expenses. I have a real problem with people using their guests to create the environment they want for their wedding.

    Then there is the topic of the gift. If I was simply attending the ceremony and reception locally I would have no problem giving a gift but since we are incurring extra expenses I don't understand why people expect a gift in addition to the extra effort they are asking their guests to incur.
    teacherjenn4's Avatar
    teacherjenn4 Posts: 4,005, Reputation: 468
    Education Expert

    Mar 16, 2013, 03:01 PM
    I don't think they expect a gift. If you feel you need to buy one, then purchase a lovely picture frame. It will be inexpensive, yet a perfect gift.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert

    Mar 16, 2013, 03:11 PM
    I agree with all you say about this type of wedding, and would give a token gift with no shame. And it's acceptable to say that you can't go, especially if the 'destination' isn't particularly to your liking.
    Etiquette is that you have a year after the wedding to give a gift, and those guests flying in may elect to give their gift some time afterward.
    And given that it's the second marriage for both, I'll bet they have everything they need in terms of the usual housewares.
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
    Ultra Member

    Mar 16, 2013, 03:31 PM
    I think many of us get all caught up in what's expected. Well, you did all that the first time this friend got married. I'm pretty sure he probably just wants you to be there this time around. He probably didn't care about gifts the first time around, and I'd guess combining two households, they don't need another toaster or place setting of flatware.

    Go if you can comfortably afford and think it will be fun. If you can't afford it or it's not appealing, decline. All the explanation you need to offer is the lie, "We wish we could be there but we can't get away. We can't wait to see pictures and would love to get together for dinner when you return home!" If you do want to go, then go. As for a gift, go for meaning rather than financial value. Or give them an experience, like a meal at a nice restaurant, or a sight seeing or dinner cruise on a local lake or river for a few hours. When it's a creative idea, nobody cares what it cost. Or, just a nice frame or vase - buy something pretty which is hard to figure a price for at TJ Maxx. I seriously doubt you will be faulted for giving a modest but pretty gift.

    My rule for all gift giving and event attendance - go if you like, give what you can and wish. If you choose to go but didn't want to, or choose to give more than you want to, remember it was your choice and determine to enjoy your own generosity. If you're going to be bitter about it, better not to do it.

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