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    MelanieRay's Avatar
    MelanieRay Posts: 70, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member

    Apr 1, 2015, 10:32 AM
    Dealing with a bossy child
    My daughter volunteers every weekend at a local stable. She loves the owner, the horses and even the other volunteers. I do too, so for the past 7 months I've been taking her there. She takes riding lessons every week, during the week.

    Unfortunately, there is a girl at the stables that wishes to make my daughter her slave girl. Demanding my daughter find things for her, run to the field to ask the teacher questions, and hurry about it. She has even tied her horse across the walkway so that we cant just ignore her and go about our own business.The girl refuses to see my daughter as a fellow student even when she is there to be one.

    My daughter usually listens and sometimes it makes me so angry. The girl has been there much longer than my daughter and she is afraid she will ruin her relationship with the owner if she refuses. The girl does get very loud and close to violent if things do not go her way. There is a medical reason that she is like this but, its still very hard for me to deal with such obvious disrespect.

    How would you deal with something like this?
    catonsville's Avatar
    catonsville Posts: 894, Reputation: 91
    Senior Member

    Apr 1, 2015, 10:38 AM
    I don't see any way for you to solve this problem, other than to have a chat with the owner. Of course, if the problem kid is a relative of the owner then that makes it much harder to deal with. If this is not the case, then go forward with a chat. Either the owner will take care of the problem or you may need to leave.
    MelanieRay's Avatar
    MelanieRay Posts: 70, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member

    Apr 1, 2015, 10:54 AM
    Not a relative, her family is just a major sponsor for the stables. The owner doesnr seem to mind the fits of anger but, we've only seen the ones the owner has caused. They are usually a stand off where the owner is right but, what is right and wrong is a matter of opinion and I'm not sure mine counts.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855

    Apr 1, 2015, 12:56 PM
    How old is your daughter, and how old is this brat? What does your daughter say about this behavior? I doubt as a parent I would let my child be abused, or bullied, especially in front of me. I would try a discreet word with the owner, but would not rule out a better option than his stable if he is THAT helpless.

    I wouldn't rule out a word with the brats parents either. Probably start with them, calmly and DISCREETLY of course.
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,800, Reputation: 2674

    Apr 1, 2015, 01:32 PM
    I wouldn't lower myself to tackle with anything regarding this problem and either should you. There probably is other riding stables around, find another one with better patrons. You are not paying for this kind of treatment.
    MelanieRay's Avatar
    MelanieRay Posts: 70, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member

    Apr 1, 2015, 01:48 PM
    My daughter is 15, the other is 17-18 I think. I have never seen her parents. The stable is for disabled kids and equine therapy. It needs the sponsers and grants to continue to help. It needs the volunteers too. The girl has been there for many many years and is much improved. My daughter excuses her that it is part of her syndrome, that she cant help it. As a parent, its just really hard to watch. Other adult volenteers say to ignore or avoid her but, that's just hard to do when she is blocking the path or in her face.

    I will try a word with the owner, I'm just afraid that anything I say will effect my daughters relationship with the owner or ill end up sounding like an ignorant witch. She is doing something great for the community and my daughter wants to be a part of it. When I look at the big big picture, I want that too.
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
    Marriage Expert

    Apr 1, 2015, 02:39 PM
    You might ask the owner how to handle the situation in a way that helps the young lady continue to progress with her improvement. Or your daughter might be the better person to ask. If I am correct in understanding the situation, your daughter is a volunteer which means that she is working there as well as taking a class. It would be appropriate for her to ask her 'boss' how the situation should be dealt with. It may be happening when your daughter is there as a classmate, but it also affects her volunteer work if she begins dreading going there because of this one person.

    I am guessing that as far as you know the owner doesn't realize what the young lady has been doing. If the owner isn't aware, she needs to know. Approaching her with the attitude of wanting to help might be better than as a mother protecting her child.

    I get the feeling that everyone else has been there long enough they aren't saying anything anymore so the owner may not know that she is backsliding at least where your daughter is concerned. However, others may be put off and leave without giving a reason. The stable could end up losing a lot of smaller sponsors and clients who might end up telling people to stay away all because of one person's behavior. Bad word of mouth is very hard to overcome no matter how much the parents are putting into the program.

    I applaud your daughter volunteering and trying to be understanding. One other thought is that by being too understanding she isn't helping the young lady. Talk with the owner about what is best for everyone concerned which might even include your daughter taking lessons at a different time. Do you think that would be an option?
    MelanieRay's Avatar
    MelanieRay Posts: 70, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member

    Apr 1, 2015, 04:20 PM
    I will talk to the owner about how we can handle the situation from a helpful angle. She may not know what is going on when she is busy elsewhere. Ive always been to scared to tattle, maybe everyone else is too. The girl and the stables owner have been together so long that she does treat the girl like a daughter. At least calling her out on bad behavior.

    We do take classes on a different day than she volenteers. There is no permanent set day or time. She is flopped around to different days so she gets the last spot. We do pay for her class but the owner always "looses track of time" and they ride until the horse or my daughter gets to tired. Sometime she will get a class before or after one of the other volenteers or riders she has met there and they both ride together for both of the hours. She is a wonderful woman, I don't want to upset her.

    Thank you so much for the wonderful advice
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert

    Apr 1, 2015, 05:32 PM
    Cats advice is awesome, much better than what I was going to suggest.

    I hope you're able to talk to the owner about this. One little bit of advice. When you do talk to the owner, don't talk like a momma bear protecting her cub. Go with a business point of view, that this child isn't good for business because of her actions, and also as an employee/volunteer, it's not good for moral and keeping volunteers on.

    She relies on the volunteers, and the income she's getting from not only your daughter, but others as well. If this problem child is creating problems for your daughter, chances are she's doing it to others. Some people will simply find another place to ride. She needs to nip this in the butt if she wants her business to thrive.

    Good luck.

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