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    ChihuahuaMomma's Avatar
    ChihuahuaMomma Posts: 7,378, Reputation: 608
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    #1

    Jul 29, 2008, 05:43 PM
    Is my behavior justified?
    Ok, so here is the story:

    My sister lives 300 miles from me. She is going to a concert in a town that is 12 miles from me. Am I in the wrong for being irritated that she is just going there and going back home? Is it wrong of me to get mad that she can't stop by and at least have dinner with me before going home? The last time I saw her was 3 months ago, and I went there for three days. Am I being immature?
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #2

    Jul 29, 2008, 05:49 PM
    If she has a busy schedule that she doesn't have time. Like say the concert is Friday night, she gets off work Friday night and gets to the concert just in time. Then she has to be somewhere first thing Saturday morning. Have you offered for her to spend a night or two if that would help her change her mind? Has she given any reason for not stopping by?
    twinkiedooter's Avatar
    twinkiedooter Posts: 12,172, Reputation: 1054
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    #3

    Jul 29, 2008, 05:51 PM
    Did you invite her after you found out about the concert and she declined or did you find out after the concert that she didn't stop or call when she was in the area?
    ChihuahuaMomma's Avatar
    ChihuahuaMomma Posts: 7,378, Reputation: 608
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    #4

    Jul 29, 2008, 05:51 PM
    She's going to be there three days, the concert is one day. Her and her boyfriend are going to be hanging out with HIS friends the other two days. She says that she doesn't have the money to do things with me when she'd be visiting, so she doesn't want to visit. Then she called me selfish. How does that make sense?
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #5

    Jul 29, 2008, 05:53 PM
    Immature, no, Hurt, well you don't need justification for how you feel, and if you feel hurt, then, well, you do.

    Ask her why she can't stop by, maybe there's a good reason. Tell her that you would really like to see her, that you miss her and that it's been 3 months since you two saw each other. Communicate your feelings openly, that's the only way to go.

    Big hugs.

    Alty.
    ChihuahuaMomma's Avatar
    ChihuahuaMomma Posts: 7,378, Reputation: 608
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    #6

    Jul 29, 2008, 05:53 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Altenweg
    Immature, no, Hurt, well you don't need justification for how you feel, and if you feel hurt, then, well, you do.

    Ask her why she can't stop by, maybe there's a good reason. Tell her that you would really like to see her, that you miss her and that it's been 3 months since you two saw eachother. Communicate your feelings openly, that's the only way to go.

    Big hugs.

    Alty.
    I did communicate, and she said that I am being selfish and dramatic. She's not coming, because she says that she doesn't have the money.
    ChihuahuaMomma's Avatar
    ChihuahuaMomma Posts: 7,378, Reputation: 608
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    #7

    Jul 29, 2008, 05:54 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by twinkiedooter
    Did you invite her after you found out about the concert and she declined or did you find out after the concert that she didn't stop or call when she was in the area?
    I don't understand your question. She has not yet gone to the concert.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #8

    Jul 29, 2008, 05:55 PM
    Yeah it doesn't take more than a little gas to stop and say hi.
    Maybe she feels like she doesn't want to inconvenience her boyfriend. I think that is why my one daughter will not visit me and she lives about a mile and a half away.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #9

    Jul 29, 2008, 05:55 PM
    Money for what, it's 12 miles, that's silly. Obviously something else is going on.

    I say accept it, move on and then talk to her later about it.

    How old is she?
    bushg's Avatar
    bushg Posts: 3,433, Reputation: 596
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    #10

    Jul 29, 2008, 05:57 PM
    Chi, My feelings would be hurt. She could visit for a couple of hours at least money or no money.
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,792, Reputation: 2604
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    #11

    Jul 29, 2008, 05:57 PM
    If you and your sis have a good relationship otherwise, don't let it bother you. She is going with her boy friend and they have plans with his friends. I don't see a problem, but if you're hurt, you're hurt, but don't let it run away with you. Don't let it put a dent in the relationship.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #12

    Jul 29, 2008, 05:58 PM
    I feel the same way Bushg, even though I don't have siblings. :)

    If she's young she might just not understand why it's important to you.
    ChihuahuaMomma's Avatar
    ChihuahuaMomma Posts: 7,378, Reputation: 608
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    #13

    Jul 29, 2008, 06:00 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Altenweg
    I feel the same way Bushg, even though I don't have siblings. :)

    If she's young she might just not understand why it's important to you.
    She just turned 21, she is 16 months younger than me...
    ChihuahuaMomma's Avatar
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    #14

    Jul 29, 2008, 06:01 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
    If you and your sis have a good relationship otherwise, don't let it bother you. She is going with her boy friend and they have plans with his friends. I don't see a problem, but if you're hurt, you're hurt, but don't let it run away with you. Don't let it put a dent in the relationship.
    Do you have siblings? If so, how long has it been since you've seen them/him/her?
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,792, Reputation: 2604
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    #15

    Jul 29, 2008, 06:02 PM
    She and her boyfriend have plans with his friends, she sounds young. While I don't understand her reasoning (maybe his friends are footing the bill, maybe they don't have the money, who knows) I would not be upset over it.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #16

    Jul 29, 2008, 06:03 PM
    CM, you are very mature for your age (take it as a compliment because it is). Most people in their early 20's are very immature and self centered, it's all about them and their wants and needs, sounds like your sister is going through a me phase, it will pass, just give it time. :)
    ChihuahuaMomma's Avatar
    ChihuahuaMomma Posts: 7,378, Reputation: 608
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    #17

    Jul 29, 2008, 06:04 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
    She and her boyfriend have plans with his friends, she sounds young. While I don't understand her reasoning (maybe his freinds are footing the bill, maybe they don't have the money, who knows) I would not be upset over it.
    Her boyfriend is paying. What money does she need to drive 12 miles and have lunch with her sister? I would pay her gas and the meal, she knows that. Age has nothing to do with this.

    Also, you didn't answer my other questions...
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #18

    Jul 29, 2008, 06:08 PM
    How about you going to where she is and taking her out to lunch?
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,792, Reputation: 2604
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    #19

    Jul 29, 2008, 06:11 PM
    Yes, I have a brother and a sister. I just saw my sister last week, but before then it was several months. I didn't see my brother, but I talked to him. He has a young son he is raising alone and works full time and just could not get away to see me while I was at my sister's. I didn't think anything of it.
    My sister was near my town last fall. She came to see a play with a group of friends and if she tried really hard she maybe could have gotten away to see me, but I would not have even asked her to. She was there with other people to see a play, not to see me.
    She and I are really close, we live almost 300 miles apart, but we talk to each other every day.
    I'm not saying you should not be hurt, I'm just saying pick your battles wisely. Life is too short to be angry with a loved one over something that is not that big a deal
    ChihuahuaMomma's Avatar
    ChihuahuaMomma Posts: 7,378, Reputation: 608
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    #20

    Jul 29, 2008, 06:11 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Altenweg
    How about you going to where she is and taking her out to lunch?
    I offered, she said that she has plans, and doesn't have the money to go out with me. I don't know what her problem is. I'm just assuming that she doesn't want her sister imposing on her plans. So I dropped it. She knows that I am hurt, and doesn't seem to care.

    Kind of a back story. We are our only family. We disowned our mother (LONG story), and our father passed away, disowned Grandmother as well (same reason as mom). So, this hurts me more than it may someone else...

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