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    Moongirl's Avatar
    Moongirl Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Dec 23, 2007, 10:55 AM
    To Accept or Not Accept a Gift
    It's the Christmas season, so yesterday I spent the day making cookies which were then wrapped in a decorative tin that I gave to a male co-worker as a thank you for help done at work and for the occasional ride home from work.

    I was quite surprised when he handed me a little gift bag in return. We exchanged hugs and a wished each other a Merry Christmas. However, once I entered my home and opened my gift I found a $100 gift card to the local mall.

    I found the gift to be very thoughtful and genuine, but then realized that a man other than my husband had just spent $100 on me. I hid the gift card in my purse (what would my husband think and is it possible this co-worker wants something more than just friendship?).

    The gift card came with a note that expressed his "appreciation for my effort and hard work" and wished my "family a wonderful Christmas filled with peace, joy, health, and happiness".

    Should I worry? Is this an unacceptable gift, and if so how do a graciously return it to him?
    ISneezeFunny's Avatar
    ISneezeFunny Posts: 4,175, Reputation: 821
    Ultra Member

    Dec 23, 2007, 11:08 AM
    From my point of view, this guy doesn't seem interested in more than just a friendship, as the note seems very professional and not suggestive in any way shape or form.

    Does the guy know you're married? The $100 is a bit much, but I would gauge it upon how close you are to this co-worker.

    If you keep the gift, maybe send a thank-you card in saying something along the lines of MY HUSBAND AND I BOTH THANK YOU FOR YOUR GENEROUS GIFT...

    Perhaps you could talk to your husband about it?
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,304, Reputation: 7692

    Dec 23, 2007, 03:30 PM
    100 is a bit much for?? I guess what is his income level, is he married, or single, does he drive a Yugo or a Porse.

    I have worked places where at a management level a 100 dollar gift to a co worker was not out of the ordnary. Ifyou work at walmart that is one thing, if you are exec in the bank, that is another.

    So I will assume you feel 100 is out of line for your income level.
    If you believe it is too much give it back.
    life1973happened's Avatar
    life1973happened Posts: 322, Reputation: 109

    Dec 23, 2007, 03:53 PM
    Dear Friend...

    I think we have to remember gifts, at whatever levels, are gifts from the heart. I don't think there is anything this nice co-worker is trying to say or do that would say otherwise. A couple reasons why; one, he could have done it on the rides to and from work. Dropped hints that he was interested. Chances are he wrote those nice well wishes regarding your family because he knows you are married. Remember when you are driving to work you have nothing but time to talk. Two, with what he wrote and the fact that he gave you an open gift certificate to the mall, makes me think it can be shared by the family, or used towards a family gift.

    No where in his words did he sound out of line. Nor, did he probably have any idea you were making him cookies. Nor, did he expect something in return, based on his words. He sounds like a wonderful, generous co-worker who values your work and working together.

    It's a shame in the day and age we live in, and all the lines being crossed, that when a generous man like this gives a wonderful gift from the heart we question why? And whether we should accept it.

    I would write him a wonderful thank you note and be thankful you work with such a kind young man. Who thought of you and your family at the holidays. I wish there were more men and women in the workplace that were like this (And I don't just mean throwing around money)

    Happy Holidays Everybody...
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
    Uber Member

    Dec 23, 2007, 04:33 PM
    Is this a co-worker or a boss? If it's a boss, you can look at it as a bonus which lots of companies give their employees. However, if it's a co-worker, then there's a potential red flag here. Does he earn substantially more than you (if you're privileged to know such information)? He many be a "big spender" by nature. Is he married with kids? If so then $100 is way too much for him to be spending on you. This is truly a sticky situation as you don't want to insult him but, at the same time, it does seem like an overly extravagant gift. There's no easy answer to your dilemma.
    ISneezeFunny's Avatar
    ISneezeFunny Posts: 4,175, Reputation: 821
    Ultra Member

    Dec 23, 2007, 05:36 PM
    I wouldn't think 100 is TOO much if as fr_chuck said, if it's in an exec office or something of that nature. It all depends on the workplace, his and your position, and how close you two are.

    If he's unmarried, then spending 100 on a co-worker who shares rides with you really isn't that big of a deal. If he earns more than you, again, not too big of a deal.

    If you guys are both cashiers at target or the local grocery store, 100... may be an issue.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,914, Reputation: 5430
    Jobs & Parenting Expert

    Dec 23, 2007, 06:04 PM
    It was very generous of him. He mentioned "family" and must know that, nowadays, $100 doesn't go very far. He may have just inherited a wad from an uncle or has a part-time job elsewhere or is generous to everyone on his list.

    Like someone earlier said, a lovely thank-you from you and your husband is the next step.
    CeilingofStars's Avatar
    CeilingofStars Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Dec 29, 2007, 11:19 PM
    It's also possible that he has a connection with the mall/store/etc. that provides those giftcards, or that he's regifting. Just a thought!
    electrons's Avatar
    electrons Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Dec 25, 2008, 05:19 PM

    I find it a bit bothersome that you hid it in your purse from your husband. Someone gave you a gift & you husband should be the first you should have discussed your discomfort with, so you both could come up with a conclusion, if his feelings about it is what you are worried about. If he is unhappy about it, based on your discomfort with it too, you should just return it with giving him the reason you feel that way. As someone previous said, the income level is also a major factor.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert

    Dec 27, 2008, 09:34 AM
    If he had handed you a toaster, you wouldn't hide that in your purse would you? Why is it uncomfortable that it is a gift card to a mall.

    He probably is quite sincere as others have said, and a gift card is a great gift, that you can spend on whatever you need. I got the impression that the well-wishes were for your family, and this is what I'd do.

    First take it out of your purse and show it to your husband. Take a trip to the mall and buy something you need.

    I wouldn't be reading too much into this. If he had the hots for you, he wouldn't have given you such a neutral gift.
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
    Ultra Member

    Jan 6, 2009, 12:42 AM

    I think it's a little weird for a gift of cash or a gift certificate to be exchanged among coworkers unless it's within the guidelines of an office grab bag or something like that. If he's a supervisor, it's acceptable. Or if he's a colleague for whom you play a support role (you do his typing or something, or you are a secretary and he's a rep who's commission is very dependeent on your efforts), that would be OK.

    I would not hide it from your husband. I would bring it back to the guy and say, "Dave, this was really too generous - I so appreciate it but I don't feel comfortable accepting such a large gift from a coworker".

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