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    alex0893's Avatar
    alex0893 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jul 23, 2014, 01:44 PM
    Job too stressing for me
    So I recently graduated college having my Associates degree in Mechanical Design Technology - 21 years old. Got a job in the field and working with my aunt (though its probably because of her I got in). Anyway I was hired with a 90 day probation. I am on my 60th day working there, one side note, I having no experience in the work field at all before all this other than school. I work under my aunt and her partner/boss. He/boss is one of the worst person to work under. Every time I make a mistake not only does he criticize on this one mistake, he gets angry and belittles me. I can see that I made the mistake, but do you really have to take out your anger and shove it on me? This is the most stressful I have ever gotten in my live. I am not a person that hold on to the past or can get angry with someone, but with him I feel like I could just kill myself. At this point I am very stressed and depressed at the same time. I used to go to the gym everyday, but now its come to a point where I can't even get the energy to go anymore. I feel tired when I just get home from work. Whenever I hear his voice, my body automatically feels stressed, and blood is rushing down my throughout my body. Every time he wants to talk to me I can just feel how angry he gets, and how much anger he's throwing to me. He also even yells at me when there are others around. He's been in the company for almost 8 years and is around his late 40's, divorced, and single. Every time I even see him, my heart just sinks down to a little corner with no escape.

    Enough about him now to me, I am a person that is kind of like an outsider to everyone, I don't have much friends after high school. Went to a technical school, so everyone in the field was pretty much 20+ older than me. Don't have much hobbies, only people who I hang out with is my family. Throughout high school and college I was probably angry once. So anger isn't something I know much about. I am currently living with my parents and it isn't a problem since I am helping them paying the bills. So money isn't the problem for me.

    Long story short I am most likely depressed/stressed with work. I want to quit and find somewhere else to work, but at the same time I don't want to quit. The reason that I really can't is because of my aunt and how she was the reason I got in. Any advice on this because I would love to hear them from everyone. I know that someone might say to toughen up and deal with it, but it's depressing to do. I feel like I should just move on with my life and quit. There are many times that I question myself with what am I doing with myself, is this really just it, what's the point in my life if I am not happy. I understand feeling happy is good, but I don't feel like I have a goal to keep going on for anymore. Everyday I wake up and it's just too depressing to wake up anymore. I know that this is just my first job, but I feel like this job just isn't for me.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #2

    Jul 23, 2014, 02:01 PM
    What country would this be in... it matters because what's customary will vary by culture and country.
    alex0893's Avatar
    alex0893 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Jul 23, 2014, 02:11 PM
    This is in the US and he does this to everyone.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,987, Reputation: 5430
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    #4

    Jul 23, 2014, 02:12 PM
    Is what you learned in school fitting in with this job, or are you totally at sea--and sinking? How could your boss help you? What could you do differently to become a valuable employee?
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,801, Reputation: 2674
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    #5

    Jul 23, 2014, 02:33 PM
    I am not going to tell you to suck it up, but worse thing you can ever do is get a job with family. So you are feeling really guilty about this and you don't have to. Think of it this way, you worked so hard to get where you are, get your resumes out. You Don't have to take that bull from him.

    Did you, or have you thought of taking a sabbatical? I think now you need one, and get that guy out of your hair, it is not indicative of a proper position, although you still have to get through entry level. You did not have the chance to explore all opportunities.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #6

    Jul 23, 2014, 02:55 PM
    You haven't said anything about the aunt who got you the job. Is she aware of any of this? I would have talked to her first, not in a whiny way but a calm matter of fact way. If you keep it short, I see no reason to not talk to her.
    I had about 35 jobs between 1964 and 2002. I quit all but two - one I was fired from and one I was laid off with others. I really didn't care! And I consider myself pretty thick skinned.
    It's hard to tell how thick your skin is. A lot of new jobs start like army boot camp, with lots of degrading remarks and criticism. You are supposed to be grateful for the learning experience. Your employer figures that you are getting paid for on the job training instead of you paying him! In fact, since the recession there has been a huge increase in 'intern' unpaid jobs, which are shameless ways to get work out of people for NOTHING.
    After you talk to your aunt, I would plan a short talk with the boss. But don't do it unless you are prepared to quit or be fired, as well as the option of working out a compromise. If you want to learn but learn better with simple direction and correction, say you will try extra and work extra, as long as he is willing to keep personal stuff out of it. But mean it. And if he blows up, then walk.
    alex0893's Avatar
    alex0893 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Jul 23, 2014, 02:57 PM
    Thanks for response, I am really thinking about this issue
    smearcase's Avatar
    smearcase Posts: 2,392, Reputation: 316
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    #8

    Jul 23, 2014, 03:16 PM
    It is very difficult to be sure of what is occurring here. Lots of possibilities. What kinds of mistakes are you being chewed out over? Are you making the same mistakes repeatedly? Is the pay decent? One thing seems certain and that is that you have completed two thirds of your probation. An old adage when I first started working was that it took six months to evaluate a job and that one should try and stick it out that long before making a decision.
    "I work under my aunt and her partner/boss." Do you mean that the guy is also your aunt's boss? Does she talk to you about any of this? Has she possibly told him to be tough on you, or is she staying out of it because you two are related and doesn't want to appear biased toward a relative?
    Check out your options but try to avoid quitting. It's a bad way to start out your work life. Your post is long but you talk mostly about emotions you are experiencing. No real description of the work you do or what the real complaints are from your boss. Nothing much for an outsider to base a decision on.
    alex0893's Avatar
    alex0893 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Jul 23, 2014, 03:32 PM
    I do details on conveyors. I don't make the same mistakes when I have been corrected and I know when I am wrong. That is also one of the reason that I don't want to quit.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #10

    Jul 23, 2014, 03:49 PM
    I'm going to be a bit harsh.

    Chances are that any job you have in life, unless you work at home or start a business, you'll have to deal with people you don't like, bosses you don't like. That's life. Work isn't fun, if it were fun it wouldn't be called work.

    You're making mistakes. Are you making mistakes because you're in over your head, your education didn't teach you how to do this job, inadequate training to do this job, or are you just not good at this job?

    You admit that you're not a great employee, you make a lot of mistakes, and your boss yells at you because of them.

    Here's the thing. When someone hires a college graduate for a job that they're qualified for, they expect that person to be able to do the job. They'll still train, because every job is different despite education, but you have to pick it up, you have the education to do so! If you can't, who suffers? Are they just supposed to sit back and hope you get better? How long are they supposed to wait to get the employee they paid to get, one that can do the job?

    You're being paid to do the job. You can't do it, according to your own post! So are they supposed to hug you and say it's okay? They pay you to do this job!

    Let me put it this way. You have a computer, it breaks, you don't know how to fix it so you call someone that says he knows how. You pay him. He takes your computer, tries to fix it, and fails. It's not fixed. But you paid him. Would you just say "he's new, he doesn't know what he's doing, it's okay", or would you be upset? He didn't do the job! You paid him. You're stuck with a broken computer, and you're out the money you paid to fix it.

    That's the situation you're in. They're paying you, but you're not doing your job correctly. So they're paying you for nothing!

    Be happy that your employer is correcting your mistakes, telling you where you went wrong. He's giving you work experience. The anger, that's justified, so suck it up princess, if you screw up, employers aren't nice about it, because they have to pay you regardless!

    If you quit, good luck finding another job. This employer may yell, because you're costing him money, but he's willing to teach you so you learn how to do your job. You'd be a fool to quit.
    alex0893's Avatar
    alex0893 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Jul 23, 2014, 04:17 PM
    I get what your coming from. My education was mainly for drawing models and very little did the education that I was given had me doing details. I was educated to make 3D models and it did not have much with what I am doing now.I didn't have any training with this, I am thinking that they expect too much out of me.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,305, Reputation: 7692
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    #12

    Jul 23, 2014, 09:51 PM
    I will sound even harsher,

    Welcome to real life, and the adult working world. There will be someone, a co-worker a boss, a supervisor, who will make you feel bad.. Bosses ( many) will fuss and complain about mistakes you make.

    No they are not expecting too much, they are expecting you to do your job and earn your pay. This is not a school, you are suppose to know who to use your skills and do the job. They may be required to give minor training for their work, but from a Tech school, they should expect you, to know how do to, what you were trained to do.

    So opinion, suck it up... use this for learning how to work in the real world.. or if you understand you are not educated to do the work, make plans to return to school, to learn requirements to really do a job.

    Work is hard, I had one boss, who about once or twice a week,would come in, curse and yell, that we did not know what we were doing. One day, he grabbed a desk and turned it over.

    So, again, welcome to real life.

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