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    kjfeathers's Avatar
    kjfeathers Posts: 14, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Oct 31, 2012, 01:53 PM
    Why do my adult children hate me - Generational hate
    There seems to be a lot of generation hate out there, anyone agree?
    I am trying to learn all that I can about the phenomenon I am calling "Generational Hate and dysfunction" [/U][/B]. I am coining this phrase today (10/31/2012) because there are a lot of stories out there just like mine scattered everywhere on the earth of adult children hating their parents or parent.
    There was a time you would think of the Menendez Brothers who hated their parents enough to kill them. Mine is not that bad, in my case, my children have decided after many years of fighting and back-biting... to ignore me, turn me out, lock me out, disconnect and just call me dead.

    What could I have done to deserve such disrespect? I wonder. I am starting to discover my history and look for clues.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,884, Reputation: 5429
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    #2

    Oct 31, 2012, 01:55 PM
    When did you notice it began with your own children?
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    #3

    Oct 31, 2012, 02:00 PM
    Well, my one daughter was 14 and the screaming started and the other around 19-20 but now that they are adults... they are in the early 30's and things that progressed to the point that there is nothing. So, in short... I would say that I noticed it starting and on since they were teenagers but there were periods of happiness. Why do they now say I was the worse person in the world when there were years like between 2003-2009 I was the best thing since sliced bread... I had a restaurant and there were bragging rights.
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    Wondergirl Posts: 37,884, Reputation: 5429
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    #4

    Oct 31, 2012, 02:37 PM
    What do you attribute the disrespect to?
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    kjfeathers Posts: 14, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Oct 31, 2012, 02:43 PM
    Well to be honest it has been in our family for as long as I can remember. The attacks were always against my mother. Now, she was not the best mother now was my father, they were always self-serving and only did something if it benefited them. My mom and I cleared up our differences and could talk everyday and have lengthy conversations about details. My mom however, started this sort of secretive relationship with my children. She would spend time with them and share little things from her bedroom drawers where they could practically take whatever they managed to manipulate from her. She always had this sort of smug understanding of what their issues were but never made a path for me to understand. It was their private conversations she would say. I think when a grandparent decided to have an exclusive with your children... something is wrong. She is not helping things mend, she is only concealing... like "I have one up on you".
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    Wondergirl Posts: 37,884, Reputation: 5429
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    #6

    Oct 31, 2012, 02:46 PM
    So you were caught between two generations.
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    kjfeathers Posts: 14, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Oct 31, 2012, 02:48 PM
    Yes, exactly. That is why I am calling it Generational Hate. Perhaps there is a better word for it than hate. Will let you know when I find it. There are so many hurting people and there are stories too about children growing up and living with the bad thoughts of their heaping helping of misery they have dished up.

    I say let them stew in it. We only have one life and I am almost half way through my ice cream cone. (my proverbial life is compared to an ice cream cone.)
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    Wondergirl Posts: 37,884, Reputation: 5429
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    #8

    Oct 31, 2012, 02:51 PM
    So how have to tried to deal with your children?

    Have you ever sought counseling -- and even invited your children to participate for a few sessions?
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    kjfeathers Posts: 14, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Oct 31, 2012, 02:53 PM
    Oh yes we are way past that for them. I am told I am toxic and dead all connections have been blocked. This is after one of my grandchildren said "Nana, I would like to see you everyday"... that was the last time I saw her. I miss them dearly.
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    Wondergirl Posts: 37,884, Reputation: 5429
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    #10

    Oct 31, 2012, 02:54 PM
    Have your children told you what they want from you, how you can change to meet their needs?
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    #11

    Oct 31, 2012, 02:58 PM
    They want nothing from me. The two of them and other family members are like a mini-cult and I have been excommunicated from the group. No one wants to speak to me and when I try to make connections they insult me and when I throw a reasonable dialog back to them, I get crushed with demeaning remarks like my kids were right to call me toxic and cut me off. They seem to understand why my children have dropped me and all because I try to offer very little in the way of discussion and assistance.
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    Wondergirl Posts: 37,884, Reputation: 5429
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    #12

    Oct 31, 2012, 03:03 PM
    How many children do you have and what are their ages now?
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    #13

    Oct 31, 2012, 03:11 PM
    I have two daughters and the one is 32 and the other is 33.
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    Wondergirl Posts: 37,884, Reputation: 5429
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    #14

    Oct 31, 2012, 03:13 PM
    Both married with how many kids how old?
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    #15

    Oct 31, 2012, 03:20 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    Both married with how many kids how old?
    Only the older one was married. She called me after a term of not talking and begged me to come to her wedding, that I had a duty. She cried and screamed and swore at me, so we went... that was in 2004. She eventually ripped out his heart and separated financially, purchased a new home near her ex... and landed her self a sweet deal right about 4 houses away from a child predator. She thought that culdesac was perfect for the girls to play in and he lives right in the middle of it. She claimed she researched it prior to purchasing the home. She knew I knew exactly how to search but she claims he was not there... but oh yes... he was there before she was. In my opinion $200 grand down the tubes

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