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    Australian1's Avatar
    Australian1 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Dec 18, 2019, 04:08 AM
    What is your opinion of my relationship ?
    I have been going out with someone for 3 and half years . We lived together for 5 months but his ex wife committed suicide , little boy 8 now 11 lived with me in the year after losing his mum and I supported them emotionally , financially . They moved out 2 years as christmas . Shortly after he moved out he was really nasty to me everytime I went round he would cause an argument and tell me to f ...off . He then changed and became better , no more abuse but about a year ago when we were out he got nasty for no reason because I wouldn't take his wallet and go and get the drinks so he told me to f ...off . I stood up to him but anyway things were ok again and he was nice but makes plans for him and his boy , doesnt really ask me if I would ever like to do anything . He has lots of friends and I have a good social life with him through them but occasionally he does mean things . Such as this year at the drop of a hat he went to the xmas day in my town at the drop of the hat for his friends and went back to theirs for food but the last two years he wouldnt do it with me , even stood me up last year on it and I had gone and bought food etc . Then again this week he wouldnt go in this bar tipee with me which only comes to town once a year and is lovely with coal fire and christmas lights , said he wasnt paying the prices but he went in there with his friends last year and will be doing again this year .I begged and said I would pay so we went . After this we went to the rugby club to see his friends and he bought me a drink or two but told me to go to the bar with his wallet and get his friend and myself and him a drink . He spent no time with me all night just disappeared to the balcony and was back and forth getting drinks for his mates . I went to the bar to get a drink and he was there and said oh sorry I thought you had one and then disappeared again with a round of drinks for his mates . Prior to this I had to let my dogs out on the way up to the rugby club and he grumbled about having to walk 2 seconds out of the way to let my dogs out . Has complained before that he isnt waiting around for me - did this 2 weeks ago . Brought me a cup of tea in bed but said him and his son were going out . I am off sick from bullying at work and stress of nearly losing my job just needed him to be around but he on more than one occasion has said dont expect that we will sit around waiting for you .I have been rock bottom and very down over my job having been out on a performance register . In summer he said it wasnt working as he wasnt getting enough sex because I was working hard and I have to go back and forth to his house he never comes here . My sister told me recently he has been telling people that he has been trying to get rid of me for ages . He denied this and I connected it to 2 years ago when he moved out and past history so wrote it off but recently over the alst 2 weeks he has started to be mean again . In between this he is nice but always ungrateful and always put other people first . I have done loads for them , grand prix , nashville show for him and his family , surprise trip to see a band on two occasions , picnics and he begrudged a couple of quid extra to take me in a little tipee all lit up for xmas but will no doubt be there with his friends on saturday . If I made him mad before he has not wanted to do anything with me , did it to me one week when I had taken annual leave and then went out for the day with his friend so I took myself away and cut him off but he got in contact again . What is your opinion ?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855
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    #2

    Dec 18, 2019, 05:22 AM
    I think you're stuck on a rollercoaster, but can't get off. Or your own history and self esteem prevents you from doing for yourself, or BOTH. Does this sound like a healthy caring loving supportive relationship to you? You said you lived together for 5 months, but go back and forth between houses now(?), and he never comes to you, so what's going on, please clarify.
    Australian1's Avatar
    Australian1 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Dec 18, 2019, 10:54 AM
    He lives 10 minutes down the road , doesnt like the dogs being there at his all the time due to tight space in the kitchen and when I am at work not as spacious . They moult a lot . I may have moved in with him if this hadnt come between us as I was getting tired at work do long hours up at 6 home at half six . Then down to his with the dogs , up early home , out to his again but dont go every night .

    I have been getting tired of putting the effort in . I cook nice meals , make it cosy but my place got neglected and was looking like a derelict house .

    It doesnt seem loving and supportive no , in summer he said he had loved me and was happy with things after telling me that if he didnt get more sex he would be fiinding it elsewhere with anyone .

    I want a different situation where I am occasionally taking precedence and with work bringing me down hav e been low , I am a very giving person but if I try to get my point across I get told to f ..off as Saturday .

    I have my own house but may be going to lose it so have been quite worried .
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855
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    #4

    Dec 18, 2019, 02:17 PM
    It doesnt seem loving and supportive no , in summer he said he had loved me and was happy with things after telling me that if he didnt get more sex he would be fiinding it elsewhere with anyone .

    I want a different situation where I am occasionally taking precedence and with work bringing me down hav e been low , I am a very giving person but if I try to get my point across I get told to f ..off as Saturday .
    Both situations would be enough for me to rethink riding this roller coaster and making my dignity and self respect a higher priority than pleasing him, as well as keeping my house. He ain't loving ENOUGH, nor supportive ENOUGH for you and that's a huge problem.

    I think you have enough dogs so get rid of the two legged one. Sorry to be so blunt.
    Australian1's Avatar
    Australian1 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Dec 19, 2019, 08:55 AM
    Thank you ..I told him I had had enough and that he wasn't there for me and I needed a bit of support from the friend side of things but I felt that his behaviour had been intentional to purposely get rid over the weekend ly make me finish it ..I am keeping this thought in my head reflecting on his treatment of me on and off because true or nor not I need to think this to keep me strong and come to my senses ..I am pretty sure that putting everyone first to such an extent has been intentional now I reflect . Working full time doing long hours and probs at work diverted me from seeing reality ..thanks so much for your opinion ..all the best x
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855
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    #6

    Dec 19, 2019, 09:10 AM
    You're more than welcome and I hope you know you are hardly alone as a giving person with a less than committed taker in your life. The worst thing as you go through hard tough times is a partner who isn't just as commited and giving as you are. The last thing you need is an emotional dependence on such a person who is mostly taking and not giving back. I just think you are better off alone and committed to yourself rather than with him for happiness. This friends with benefits arrangement is way to one sided to support your dignity or self respect and is not something to blame yourself over it's unhealthiness. Trust me you can rise to this challenge and be better for it after you build a life that you enjoy with friends and family that love appreciate you for who you are, and that is the key to happiness.

    A worthy guy will come along to share that happiness with you. See you have MUCH to look FORWARD too as you leave the past one day at a time. Good Luck!

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