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    wallabee4's Avatar
    wallabee4 Posts: 294, Reputation: 19
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    #1

    Jan 12, 2012, 09:41 AM
    What can be done to protect child in school from bad adult w/o ostracizing child?
    I'm not sure if it's OK that I ask you to read my previous question to get background, but I'll try to put in this link https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/emotional-wellbeing/what-best-way-handle-painful-confusing-loss-young-children-609957-new.html

    OK, now I am hit with an emotional brick. I picked up my young son from school and he is visibly upset. He is also anxious to tell me why, so I am glad of that. It was like a valve let loose that he could finally talk to someone after all day being afraid and not being able to talk. His teacher had invited a guest to speak to the class about using some equipment only their next field trip. The guest turned out to be this granddaughter! Volunteer situation I believe, not an absolutely necessary part of the class instruction. This teacher knew we had an involvement with this woman that had adversely affected my son as it had affected my son's emotions around Halloween and we had shared there was an emotional anger/crying issue but not specifics. This granddaughter's son is not in my son's class. Her son is a special needs kid. My son tells me he cowered in the corner of the class during the demonstration and wouldn't look at the woman. The teacher evidently did nothing. Another child consoled my son.

    I immediately told my son if this happens again he is to be brave enough to go directly to the teacher and ask to call home. That I will come to him as soon as I can get there. (I don't know what else to do. I'm afarid if I ask teacher to allow my son to leave the room he will be effectively punished and ostracized/embarrassed made to miss out on classwork/classmates. He is an A student.

    I have requested a meeting with the teacher and asked the school counselor to also attend that meeting. My concern in this day and age of never taking responsibility, little common sense, and no-tolerance to school violence/threats that it will end up with my son being further ostracized/hurt/punished by these unconscionable adults. My son clearly feels as if he wants to kill this woman. He's told me that numerous times through his tears. His anger talking is all it is. He is not that kind of kid and no I am not kidding myself. He is just so mystified as to how an adult could behave as she does. I am left with a loss of words, as I can't comprehend it either. But I know if that were voiced at school it would be taken as a threat of violence and my little son would be held accountable for feeling that way while the adult goes merrily on never accountable for her own actions. Although I am realizing I could be paranoid, I also know this woman is vindictive enough to do this just to further abuse my family. We did recently see (did not speak to) grandma at a craft show and her hair was a mess she obviously hadn't been chauffeured to her favorite out of town hairdresser lately. I felt very very sad and tried not to react in any way my kids could see. But she waved to us, the kids saw her. I told my kids if they wanted to go say hi they could. Unlike Halloween, where my son wanted to go, both declined this time. We as a family moved through the crowd, didn't talk about it. That evening I tried to raise the subject of how did that make you feel? And the kids sharply told me they didn't want to talk about it. Best allowing that wound to heal over, I think.

    What position should I take with the teacher? Should I bring the evidence of this woman's on-line threats, swearing, and loss of the grandmother? What stance do I take in asking the teacher to do anything to prevent her contact w/ my son? How do I make it so it isn't my son punished instead of this woman? I don't want to take this to court to get a PFA, as any action I'm sure incites this crazy woman's reactions, but is that what I ought to do? Or do I just plan on coming to school with my kid every day and on every field trip?
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,305, Reputation: 7692
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    #2

    Jan 12, 2012, 11:51 AM
    Let me see, a teacher brings a speaker in, who has no direct interaction privately with the child. The speaker is in public in a class room.

    Not sure what they did wrong and why you think it is. Yes your child has a issue, so at best the child asks to leave the room, or even just leaves the room.

    If the child actually went and got down into a corner of the room, I see real issues with the child's ability to deal with problems that will come up in life.

    I see nothing that the school did wrong expect not to talk to your child as to why they were doing this. Or send them out of the class.

    Was child in view of the teacher when they went to the corner. Would the teacher had noticed this? Did another student tell the teacher?
    wallabee4's Avatar
    wallabee4 Posts: 294, Reputation: 19
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    #3

    Jan 12, 2012, 01:32 PM
    The children were asked to participate in using the equipment this woman was demonstrating. My son is the kind of kid who would obey what any adult told him to do with a 'yes ma'am' and stay quiet about his turmoil. That in this instance he didn't tells me he is really struggling and confused and the teacher gave him no care whatsoever even knowing he had issues with this woman--such as take him aside and prepare him before surprising him when she came in? Is that too much to ask of an elementary teacher in a tiny school district who everybody knows everybody and she's been a teacher for 30 years? Basic human decency and consideration? So I actually think he's behaving with more ability to deal with problems than you give him credit for. My fear (and his) is that he will end up getting disciplined for not participating or walking out, which is why he stayed in the room to suffer. Sure, I'll agree my son is having a hard time dealing with this issue, he was too shy to say anything to this teacher, just shrunk away to corner so as not to let his emotions overwhelm him. His first response in telling me is that he'd mistakenly thought that this woman wasn't allowed to be within 50 yards of him (as he'd overheard my husband discuss at one time actually getting a PFA to do that when the on-line threats first arose) and so he was very angry she could violate that (she wasn't of course) but he had no one he could talk to who cared he was upset and take initiative for a shy kid behaving unusually. From what the other child told me, I can't see why teacher didn't see. This is a small classroom of about 20 kids. Close quarters to say the least in this room. And no, my kid isn't a problem kid with odd behavior expected/ignored. Guess I am just expecting too much in the way of teachers caring. S'pose that ship has sailed in today's society, Fr Chuck.
    bigNavySeal's Avatar
    bigNavySeal Posts: 106, Reputation: 19
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    #4

    Jan 18, 2012, 09:44 PM
    Fr Chuck, have you read Wallabee4's previous long question? It seems from your answer as if you haven't, while it's essential to the story.

    Wallabee, did you already have the meeting with the teacher and school counceller? If so, what were the results of this? The relationship of your son to this woman (granddaughter) has been complex, and I understand your sons response.

    I think the first key element to find out is how she was involved with school activities, e.g. field trip activities, and how much she is involved, for you to better determine as to whether there are more chances of her encountering your son (and yourself, as I assume you're involved in school activities yourself as well).

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