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    sapna kumar's Avatar
    sapna kumar Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    May 10, 2017, 03:41 AM
    My situation is very embarrassing : I have been abused
    Hi,
    I was in a relationship with a 60 year old man. I am 47 years old .
    He is a womanizer . One year we had good relationship but after some time he got attracted towards to some other lady & told me not to stay away from him, but I was only mad after him & could not able to stay away from him. One day I called him, but he did not replied. His women (current) called my husband and told everything about me . Not only she but that man too writing emails to my husband in a very abusive language. He is stating me as characterless woman.

    He wrote one email about our relationship and posted on my offcial common email id. Now All my colleagues came to know about me now.
    I really do not know why he is doing all this .

    I feel my life is end now. I am under depression.bcz my reputation is spoiled now.
    My husband has pardon me for all this illicit behavior because he has some physical inability.

    What should I do . I still missing him . I know I should not . But cant control.
    He has damaged my reputation...
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,915, Reputation: 10852
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    #2

    May 10, 2017, 04:59 AM
    I don't want to depress you even more but fact is you made the choice to be involved with a womanizer who apparently had another female he was involved with who decided to eliminate you as competition. That's not abuse, it's a consequence of your choices and actions.

    She didn't ruin your reputation, she exposed it for all to see with all the details. I don't know what made you think your sex buddy would be faithful, but obviously you were MISTAKEN, and didn't you know you were one of many?

    Not to be judgmental, but you didn't seem to be worried about your reputation for the year the nooky was great, so since your husband forgave you, then forgive yourself ,and either rebuild your reputation by being faithful, or get a more discreet partner to scratch your itch. Maybe your understanding husband will allow this yet again. Ask him.

    Or maybe the best thing is stop worrying about what the gossip clucks are saying and kiss your husbands feet for being so forgiving and understanding, and work to rebuilding your reputation by getting your priorities straight, and better dealing with reality. Certainly you were used and you used this willing fellow for a year but abuse? I don't think so! Disability or not your husband was the abused party in my view, and not a word of regret about his reputation? You got caught cheating so what the heck did you expect?

    See your doctor for that depression. May as well get checked for any diseases while you are there. You should have been at least doing that all along.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #3

    May 10, 2017, 05:08 AM
    I feel for you, but this isn't abuse. It's a sad case of gossip. He abused your feelings for him, but that's not illegal, and you pestered him after he told you to stay away. And, you apparently allowed him access to your 'official common email id' although I'm not sure what you mean by that. You gave him the PASSWORD????

    You don't know why he is doing this? It's because you didn't leave him alone. If you are going to look for a sexual relationship outside of your marriage, you have to do it with your eyes wide open, and not get possessive or jealous.

    Here's what you need to do:
    Tell yourself that you are grateful for your husband's forgiveness (and tell him too, every day, in your actions).
    Tell yourself over and over that your former lover isn't worth missing. Tell yourself that you miss what he WAS, but he will never be that person again. Acknowledge that you miss him, but YES YOU CAN CONTROL your ACTIONS. Being an adult means feeling all sorts of feelings, but not acting on the ones that will hurt you or others.

    Do you see what you are saying here? You alternate between a continuing infatuation with a man who doesn't want you anymore, which is his right, and blaming him for damaging your reputation. Alternating between craving and anger, love and recrimination, all childish.
    You force yourself to get over it by taking responsibility for your actions. You got into this. You can't blame him. You have to grow up.

    As for colleagues, either hold your head high, don't talk about it, and ignore all comments - or start looking for another job.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
    Uber Member
     
    #4

    May 10, 2017, 06:32 AM
    I agree with joypulv and talaniman. You ever hear the saying, you can't have your cake and eat it too? You are married, this really is a monster of your own making so no sense in trying to blame others because they were willing participants. You ruined your own reputation by putting yourself in this position in the first place.

    Tell me if this was YOUR husband doing this behind your back and you found out they were married that YOU wouldn't do the same thing?

    Sorry, time to lick your wounds and learn something from this.

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