[mr_X]

Hi I'm am 20 yrs old and I am dating a 25 yr old woman I met her at my college she is a beautiful woman and a good person we have been together for 7 months and she is telling me that she wants to be with me forever.When she first said this I was shocked for the simple fact that it was flattering to hear someone say I must say I love this woman verry much and I would do anything for her.but there's a catch... she has a kid I love the child very much but if I married this woman I would have to support this child too right now her parents pay for everything so this is a tough matter but it gets worse so let me tell now.before we met I lived with a lot of my friends they would go out and party all the time and of course I would join them. But one week I got very sick and had to go home to my family my friends still went out and my boy told me he had met this girl and had sex with her. I never saw her because I was sick I then found out that it was the girl I am currently with this was not a problem at first because it was before she met me but the deeper the relationship goes I start to think about it Alot she says it was nothing serious and that she wasn't even atractted to him. She said that she was lonely and he was just lucky this disturbed the f*** out of me why would a woman sleep with a ugly guy just because she was lonely:confused: the thing that messes with my mind the most is that it happened 2 times :( once with an ugly guys I can handle but twice! Nooooooooooooooooo I don't know what to do I forget the situation for weeks and then one day it just pops in my head I think its harder for me because I confronted my friend that slept with her bucause I thought it would help me get over this so I could live my life big mistake the conversation ended with me being held by 5 of my friends trying to stop me from stomping his face in. I'm so lost and I don't know why this bothers me so much because it was before me. I guess being in love makes you crazy and the thought of your love being laughed at be someone who just "got his" disturbs me.
My girl is "religous" so why would this happen it make me question myself. I try to calm down when she lets me know that I saved her life from drinking and sleeping around instead she is now focused on being a good mother. This warms my heart knowing I did this but sometimes I lay in bed and think is this where I need to be or is there something else for me? Please help thank you

[Wildcat21]

Dude - something stinks in Denmark here. Seriously.

I think sometimes you need to listen to your gut. Something gisn't right here. You need to put all the pieces in place. What's going on with this woman? She has all these postives - but there are some massive negitives you know about.

I would hate if I knew the lady I was seeing would just sleep wit hsome guy she wasn't even attracted to. LUCKILY, we hope, all thishappened before you met her?

Also - where did the kid come from and where the hell is the father??

That seems like a lot of sleeping around.

You don't want to ask guys about woman your dating and they slept with. Not a good idea. I would advise not being friends with the guy, because it will only come up in your head.

The good thing is the kid probably totally reduces the wild child in her.

I'd still be very cauciosu wit this on - BUT at about age 25 woman start to lose that wild-child in them.

[Wildcat21]

Also - you're still a very young guy - take your time with this. Don't rush into anything here.

Maybe you need some space now and think this over - those issues won't go away.

And it sounds like you have trust issues with her - not good.

[Wildcat21]

Hey Dude - one other thing.

Again, you're a young guy - you will see this a lot. This gal has a lot of baggae. That's what you're dealing with. Gal like this can be major trouble.

Lots of baggage when you don't have any can be hell.

[turtlegirl]

Baggage is for real. I won't even date anyone who has kids (so far) but that gets tougher as I get older. Here's the thing, though. She made some mistakes before you met her but they have NOTHING to do with you. NOTHING. You've made mistakes too, I imagine; if you can forgive her for hers you're golden. (Really, it's not about you here.)
Good luck!

[lickemlolly]

I really don't agree with the kids and baggage thing but everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I've never done it personally but you have to understand women have needs just like a man does... so what she f**** a man she didn't like.. doesnt matter what he looks like he still has a ... if she wanted it that bad then better to be a guy that she is not attracted to so there are no strings attatched... so what she had a booty call... men do it all the time... and really I wouldn't be worrying about something that happened before you... if she wants to be with you forever then that isn't something you have to worry about now... weddings are damn expensive takes at least a year to plan a decent one and even longer to come up with the finances to handle that kind of expense... so I wouldn't be worrying about that now... but be careful.. someone who has only been with you for 7 months and claims to want to be with you forever but has a history of being lonely might mean she is only with you so she won't be lonely and she is rushing to get married because she doesn't want to be alone... careful with this one buddy...

[mr_X]

Thanks for all the advice but there is one thing I still don't understand this is the thing that bothers me the most with this situation. If a woman thinks a man is ugly and the man plays hard to get why would she still try to sleep with him?? If an ugly girl tries to play hard to get with me I would pause look and laugh so hard at the thought of her walking her a** home! So why is this different for women?

[Wildcat21]

See - looks are some what important with woman. BUT, MAJOR factor - it's HOW he makes her feel! This guys made her laugh that night and said the right things. Woman love guys who give them that feeling. The guy created attraction - and maybe he isn't ugly to her.

The next morning she probably felt like hell.

See, you need to understand that woman and wired completewly differently. They do not think in logic like you're trying to do. You need to learn how woman work - they are in the bizzaro world compared to man - a lot of times I have to think theexact opposite of what my gal is trying to communicate or what I think she is trying to do.
I don't think she had any intentions of sleeping with him, but, unfortunately with woman, when they get drunk they lose a lot of control.

lickemlolly made some great points - the stuff you talk about happened BEFORE you met her. Does your gut OR do you have any reason to believe anything has happened since you met? Has she done anything to make youthink differently since you've met?

She is hitting the age, 25, where the wild girl leaves. Plus the kid is a huge factor.