I'm feeling really unsafe right now.

My older brother (19) and I (15) had just gotten into a pretty heated argument about my relationship with my father.

I had never had a very good relationship with him. He never really knew how to be a father to me. I have severe depression and anxiety and bipolar disorder. When 4 grade came around, it really kicked in and I was in and out of the hospital for my suicide attempts. I was admitted to St. cloud Children's home a few years later.

During that time, my father never called me, never wrote to me, my mother did and my aunt and uncle and my dad's parents. Not him.

I told my therapist that I wanted nothing to do with my father. He said I should try to have a relationship with him and I reluctantly agreed. During my home visits, I'd ask him if he wanted to watch a movie or play cards. He always said one more minute until it was time for me to go back.

One day, we had a family session with my mother and father and my therapist actually yelled at him for being a ty father.

I've told my mother how I feel and she knows and understands. She doesn't love him anymore and he doesn't help support the house. The only reason she stays with him is out of pity I suppose.

My younger brother (10) Isaiah, has a good relationship with my dad. My older brother doesn't but he still tries.

My father has said things to me that have caused me to cry for hours in my room. I am a bigger girl, and have always been pretty self conscious. I had told him that I wanted to be an actress and he said "maybe if you lost weight." My mom was livid and I couldn't stop crying. I hate him. I really do.

My older brother and I's relationship is no better.

When we were younger, I was about 9 or 10. He had touched me and inserted something into my butt.
Child protetive services came and investigated and said he didn't need to be removed. My okder brither has horrible anger issues and has attacked me more than enough. I still feel uncomfortable around him. My mom doesn't believe I do but I do. The ither day I called him out on something and he jokingly said "suck my ." I had gotten so afraid in the moment. It was a joke but I was so scared of him.

We were just talking and he was saying how I still did want to have a relationship with him and I said I didn't. I was very respectful during it. He had said something to the affect of "you're so retarded and stupid." He got so upset about the conversation that he said he was going to go before he killed someone.

He probabaly didn't mean it but I am just so miserable right now and don't know what to do. It's 3:31 am, I'm still freaking crying, my brother is downstairs and everyone else is asleep.

I just need sone help, please.

If you feel unsafe you should tell your mother.

You know unfortunately we don't get to pick what family we are born into. If we could we would pick the perfect father, mother, brother, and sister. But it doesn't work that way. There is no instructional manual that tells parents how to be a good parent. And you don't need to be licensed to be a parent. If that were the case some people would never be allowed to be one.

Your father is probably never going to be father of the year. I know that would be fantastic but you need to be honest with yourself and not expect it to happen. He is probably doing the best that he can. It's possible that he doesn't understand your illness and has difficulty dealing with it. It's also possible that he has some chemical imbalance that he doesn't understand and the behaviors you see are a result of that chemical imbalance.

Bottomline is your father and brother's behaviors are nothing you can control. It is what it is. The only thing you can control are your behaviors, so work on those. And when you become a parent, remember how this felt and be the Mother of the Year for your children.