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    Jtbunny33's Avatar
    Jtbunny33 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Sep 8, 2013, 07:49 PM
    Prolonged grief
    I can't seem to move on since my most beloved friend died unexpectedly. The only love I ever knew was from this being and living without him seems like an insurmountable challenge. It's been almost 2 years. I have a toddler to model happiness for, so I am extremely troubled by this. I do not have the money for a therapist and after decades of getting therapy, they don't really seem to help very much. I believe love unites beings eternally so I know I will be with him when I die, but at 40 that seems way too long. Does anyone have any helpful advice because I feel crippled from continuing life as a productive and happy person. Thank you.
    teacherjenn4's Avatar
    teacherjenn4 Posts: 3,998, Reputation: 468
    Education Expert
     
    #2

    Sep 8, 2013, 07:52 PM
    Look for a grief support group. Many hospitals offer them for free. These groups can be very helpful.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #3

    Sep 8, 2013, 08:06 PM
    Is he the father of the new life, the child?
    Two years is an eternity in some ways, yet I don't think it's that long when you are grieving. I'm all for grieving, and have done it, and still am in ways, as I know others here have and are. I don't see that it has to be detrimental to the growth of your child either. Be sure to take deep breaths throughout the day, because we tend to breath too shallowly when depressed, and that makes it worse. I like to be up before the sun because (for me) the change in the sky helps. Talk to him out loud as you do things he liked to do or see things he might like, and laugh a bit about it. Have a shrine-spot somewhere, on top of a bookcase or outside under a tree, with mementos and perhaps a shrub or some bulbs. Ritual helps some people (not I so much). Wear his slippers. Write a biography about him. Make a list of his sayings and favorite jokes. I suppose in a way all of that is a ritual of some sort.
    OH! And don't buy into that whole 'closure' bit. I have no idea who invented that concept, but I think it's destructive. You are now a different person because of your loss, and you have incorporated what happened into this new you, and his memory is a large part of you. If you had been mugged or in an airplane crash, sure, work on closure. But you aren't closing anything on him.
    Jtbunny33's Avatar
    Jtbunny33 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #4

    Sep 8, 2013, 11:11 PM
    Thank you both for your thoughtful and kindly prompt responses. Growing up and then drawing to me folks who, in the kindest terms possible, lacked empathy, I am always blown away by complete strangers reaching out to assiste int struggles, out of their love and integrity. Although, I am like to view myself in the same way, it never ceases to amaze me and reconsider my view on humanity. All your suggestions were beautiful and helpful and I have already acted on both. Thank you and God bless you whomever your God may be. Love,Nicole (Jtbunn3)
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
    Ultra Member
     
    #5

    Sep 9, 2013, 07:49 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by joypulv View Post
    Is he the father of the new life, the child?
    Two years is an eternity in some ways, yet I don't think it's that long when you are grieving. I'm all for grieving, and have done it, and still am in ways, as I know others here have and are. I don't see that it has to be detrimental to the growth of your child either. Be sure to take deep breaths throughout the day, because we tend to breath too shallowly when depressed, and that makes it worse. I like to be up before the sun because (for me) the change in the sky helps. Talk to him out loud as you do things he liked to do or see things he might like, and laugh a bit about it. Have a shrine-spot somewhere, on top of a bookcase or outside under a tree, with mementos and perhaps a shrub or some bulbs. Ritual helps some people (not I so much). Wear his slippers. Write a biography about him. Make a list of his sayings and favorite jokes. I suppose in a way all of that is a ritual of some sort.
    OH! And don't buy into that whole 'closure' bit. I have no idea who invented that concept, but I think it's destructive. You are now a different person because of your loss, and you have incorporated what happened into this new you, and his memory is a large part of you. If you had been mugged or in an airplane crash, sure, work on closure. But you aren't closing anything on him.
    Wow. Just wow! I was going to comment but there is no need to when someone post something so personal and so meaningful. Wow!
    Jtbunny33's Avatar
    Jtbunny33 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #6

    Sep 9, 2013, 10:15 AM
    Sorry for the misspellings. I do have a graduate degree, but exhaustion from caring for a toddler seems to override editing prowess!
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #7

    Sep 9, 2013, 10:48 AM
    Misspellings? Editing?

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