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    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
    Ultra Member

    Jan 21, 2018, 06:05 AM
    Our home
    . We have some unfinished things. Our garden needs redoing and a new bathroom. My husband says he will do it as ge refuses to contract anyone else as he's a plumber electrician handyman. He's very capable. However our home seems to be the last thing on his agenda on the weekends. Which I understand and appreciate he's tired. But he promises me dates etc of when he would small jobs in the house but never gets round to doing them. If I bring it up he gets annoyed with me "nagging" but I'm fed up of waiting now. I get sad seeing things left half done.. Its giving me anxiety and I cry about it
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
    Ultra Member

    Jan 21, 2018, 06:26 AM
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert

    Jan 21, 2018, 06:37 AM
    Testing? You must remember how this site works.

    Anyway, my question is what do you contribute to the finances?
    I live in a half finished renovation. I certainly don't cry with anxiety over it.
    You ''understand and appreciate he's tired,'' BUT.... no, you don't get buts, sorry.
    You either accept it, leave him, or gently talk to him some day when he's rested. Have some lists prepared for each 'job' around the house. 3 columns, first for each step of the work, second for materials needed, and third for timeline. Tape a copy up in each area of the house where the work is needed.

    Bet'cha he'll like that.
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
    Ultra Member

    Jan 21, 2018, 06:47 AM
    I pay the home loan.. We do list but it doesn't work

    I bought the garden fence and bamboo. And I have a couple of thousands saved for garden materials. I also bought the new bathroom which is still in boxes
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855

    Jan 21, 2018, 07:03 AM
    Boy can I sympathize. I know all about those "small" jobs women want us to do... on our days off! It's all about time and MONEY either way. Do your homework about what the job involves, how much it's going to cost, how long it takes, YouTube is helpful when making this list. At least then you will see it from his view, and maybe understand the thinking around this issue, or be more informed about what it really takes to accomplish them.

    You may even find of few you can do yourself, like the garden to start. Ask yourself is this a small easy job? What's needed as far as material? Do you have the MONEY for those materials? Have heart, it takes us guys a while to get that a happy wife is a happy life, how long have you been married, kids? Maybe I was spoiled because my wife tackled most "small" jobs before I got home, her AND her girlfriends.

    I would surely love some feedback to what I have said so far, because I've been married long enough to know it's a PROCESS, frustrating at times and downright COMPLICATED, but resolution to issues, ANY issue requires honest communications. If you stop asking when, he won't have to LIE to put you off. If you know what those small jobs take, why are you waiting for him? I know he's a guy and this is guy work, right?

    Please straighten me out if I'm way off the track. What am I missing, or am I just an old spoiled guy?
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
    Ultra Member

    Jan 21, 2018, 07:14 AM
    The garden is a massive Job.. It's a big garden. Everything needs doing. I had hired a contractor but he screwed us over. We are in court now. But court takes years where we live!
    I wouldn't know where to start. Plastering and Building isn't my line but I'm happy and willing to be productive and help
    You seem like a very understanding man talaniman
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
    Ultra Member

    Jan 21, 2018, 07:26 AM
    We did homework. Lists. Etc. I have been waiting a while now
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855

    Jan 21, 2018, 08:40 AM
    Thanks for the quick response with some very good added info (AND the kind words 8D). I can certainly understand being reluctant to get a contractor after being BURNED, and burned badly it seems. I take it this court stuff involves more than a SMALL CLAIMS, which takes months not years. That would BUM me out too! Vetting contractors, getting estimates, and signed agreements is tedious but necessary, and the agreement how to pay is a lynch pin for good outcomes. I learned that lesson the HARD way, same as you. You have the luxury of crying I bet your husband feels like crying too. I certainly did, and was as STUCK as he feels NOW!

    We also know for sure now that we aren't talking small jobs either. You need a way forward however, A PLAN. You have your own material so paying for the labor so make that list of REPUTABLE licensed and bonded COMPANIES with reliable subcontractors, and get FREE QUOTES for the job. It's called shop and compare something females LOVE to do. Cost nothing but gives you OPTIONS to examine with FACTS. There are no obligations. A down payment and the rest upon completion should suffice. Never be afraid to express your opinions about YOUR money, but be nice about it. "Thanks give me a few days to talk with my husband" usually works. It also allows you to be better INFORMED without nagging and keeping the emotional pressure on a high level. Yes the emotional dust has to settle, or there can be no COOPERATION. That's plenty of time to get plenty of written estimates with warrantied work, and firm prices in place to let him mull over.

    Let me ask how you got this guy? Seems you have a FULL scale renovation going on. I think you are willing to learn so you can ADJUST your tactics. Some of us guys, instead of crying, retreat to a nice safe place for a while to lick our wounds, and recover and sadly(?) that results in nothing getting done. Before you nag, or cry, get busy and get some FACT on paper in writing before you spend big bucks.

    That's the plan I suggest. Easier said than done, and more WORK than I make it sound like for YOU, and has it's own frustrations, and setbacks for sure. Getting a list of GOOD companies is but the first step toward a positive direction which is the purpose of the plan. Who knows, you may watch enough videos to plan your own job to tackle. Even big gardens can be developed in small doable steps.

    Most plans just take patience, willingness, and a bit of PERSERVERENCE to implement and complete. Watch the videos, and make the lists.

    You seem like a very understanding man Talaniman
    Thanks, but you didn't know me as a 20's, 30's, or even 40 year old man. It was a long hard process of living, learning, and plenty of screw ups. Fact is my wife was the UNDERSTANDING one. There, I said it. Now EVERYONE knows my secret!
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert

    Jan 21, 2018, 10:59 AM
    I was the home wrecker. Home renovator, I mean.
    My hubby hated every minute of the destruction. I never finished 90% of it.

    After 13 years of it, he left.
    So I went from one house to the next, a small city condo to a small country house to a big country house, and it wasn't til this one that the wrecking gene festered again.
    Now I get mad at me myself and I.
    I recently took a sledgehammer to a wall and stopped. I'm in no shape for it anymore. But I still want that damn wall down...Name:  IMG_3530.JPG
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