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    UCLA_1's Avatar
    UCLA_1 Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jun 21, 2017, 08:14 PM
    Is it normal to feel guilt-ridden?
    I moved home after college to save some money and now I feel guilt-ridden the moment I consider moving out. My mother is a housewife who cooks and cleans all day (she has mild OCD) and gets upset that I don't "help around." And by helping around, I mean not mopping the garage regularly, moving furniture, etc. Also, there's chronic fighting going on due to first-generational differences. She believes that women should not move out until they get married and resents the fact that I moved away for college rather than going to a local college in the first place. My younger sister moved away for college and my mom hates that as well. They don't see eye-to-eye on anything and are constantly fighting over the phone which drives me crazy.

    Also, I don't feel like she nor my father are proud of who I am considering I'm not married nor do I have kids and I'm 29. Why can't they be happy that I have my Master's, work two jobs and still plan on going to professional school?

    How the hell do I get over the guilt that I feel and why is it that I feel so much guilt in the first place? Like I live to please them even though I know I shouldn't and feel horrible about "betraying them" (i.e. making a decision to make myself happy only for them to be devastated about it).

    Like on Sunday and Monday, they were upset because I went out the whole day for myself shopping and studying for an upcoming exam. They took cheap shots and claimed that I don't "help them" but why do I need to re-vacuum the same living room everyday that no-one sits in in the first place? Why do I feel bad about living my life the way that makes me happy?

    For the month of July, I am considering living in a furnished apartment in my old college town five hours away for some sanity to avoid the OCD mannerisms and to focus on my life. Is that even a good idea to drop $1000 for the month to focus on myself? I've been looking for my own place but am hesitant considering I would spend all the money I've saved for rent, furniture, etc. and now have to buy a new car considering mine is not working as well. I'm a teacher and don't make too much money, so that's why I am in the state that I am in but am willing to enjoy a month for myself.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855

    Jun 22, 2017, 05:29 AM
    Go live your life, within your means, on your own. Your parents won't change, nor should you expect them too. So what if you spend all your money supporting your independent living... we all do that. That's what being an adult is all about isn't it? I think it's a bit selfish to use your parents to save money so you can have money for new cars and shopping yet turn around and complain of the things they do that you have to put up with in doing so.

    You can't have it both ways. Either go get a life that you enjoy on your own, with all the trials and tribulations that come with such a choice, or live with your parents and accept them as they are, with all the trials and tribulations that come with THAT choice. Whatever your choice you must deal with the situation as it is, for what it is. Then you won't be prone to those guilt ridden feelings, You would be more grateful for have a place to go and save money, and still have a CHOICE to drop a few bucks to ENJOY your life for a month!

    I need a vacation too! All I can afford though is a few hours everyday for myself, so I say give gratitude for the options you do have, and get your arse busy vacuuming that room no one ever sits in. Not to be harsh but how long and how much effort can it take to "help out" around the home to please someone else other than yourself?

    That's where your own feelings of guilt and frustrations come from, you are just to wrapped up in what you want, but don't have, and cannot enjoy what you do have. In short, you need an attitude of gratitude change as you find ways to enjoy your life within your means, or maybe you are working too hard to get that enjoyment of life, and have never stopped to enjoy what you are living now.

    The thing about vacations no matter how long they may be, is when they are over, you must return to reality. Go enjoy your month away from your parents without guilt or REGRETS.

    PS - Feel better venting your frustrations a bit? Yes it's very normal or us humans to be frustrated and guilt ridden under the pressures of life. That's why we take time to get away from it and recharge our batteries in healthy ways within the boundaries of good behavior. You don't need to make excuse to anyone for your choices.

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