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    Ureka01's Avatar
    Ureka01 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Sep 15, 2017, 07:32 AM
    Mother like figure obsession
    I have been dealing with this for years and it has turned into such a torment. I have gotten close with my mentor and she has helped me through so many tough times, whether it be inviting me over to her house, or buying me gifts on my birthday, or just talking one on one, taking walks together contemplating life, or being just plain raw. We have done questionnaires together, are doing mentoring books together, and we text regularly. I called her Mama L, because she is just like a second mother to me. She has seen me at my worst and my best and has been there to support me and I have grown quite fond of her. Recently she moved far away with her family, and I felt happy for her in a sense but also felt like I lost her. Now, our schedules are so different and it's so hard to connect... it's embarrassing because sometime I will be passive aggressive with her when she doesn't have time for me... and she just doesn't seem to get how I need her. How do I tell her I need her more than ever now that she is moved away? We text and Skype, but it just isn't enough. I Am scared that she might get close with some other girl and that I will loose the support system I have had, and the connection and bond we have grown. She calls me "my sweet (insert name). And I want to keep it that way. Help!
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,857, Reputation: 10852
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    #2

    Sep 15, 2017, 09:56 AM
    I think you know that this cannot be healthy for either of you. We all have to stand on our own eventually and build our lives with family, friends, and yes a support system. Maybe you are not quite ready, willing, or able at this time and you should maybe talk about this honestly with someone even your mentor, but you have to know you cannot keep being so dependent on your mentor like this, because like most addicts the more you get the more you need and that's something only you can change, and need to.

    What of your own family? Are they not supportive? How old are you and what are your plans for yourself? Regardless of your response I will say simply, stop playing this game with your mentor and be honest. Then get your own life in order before you turn a good thing, into disaster for you both.
    ma0641's Avatar
    ma0641 Posts: 15,681, Reputation: 1012
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    #3

    Sep 15, 2017, 10:41 AM
    1. it's embarrassing because sometime I will be passive aggressive with her when she doesn't have time for me... and she just doesn't seem to get how I need her.

    Well, sometimes we need to look at our actions. She has a life too. I think dependency like this can become harmful for you. Perhaps counseling would help you through this.

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