Hi

I am new on the site and wanted some input in relation to my 'problem'. I have been divorced for 5 years and have three wonderful children, who mean the world to me. They are all growing up now and have their own agendas (they are 16, 17 and 21). The eldest is ready to set up home with his girlfriend.

I work full time, I have good relationships with colleagues and consider myself to be friendly, fairly intelligent and good at holding conversations with people who I meet. However, I have very few close friends. I have my sister who I am in frequent contact with and 2 other close friends who are married with younger children and have their own lives, so don't get to see them much (once a month maybe for coffee/dinner). I have tried to socialise as I don't find it difficult, I have been to language classes, yoga, I go to the gym regularly and attend any social gathering arranged through work, and yet, I find myself feeling very alone and isolated much of the time and have not made any new, meaningful friendships since my divorce.

I have not been in any form of intimate relationship since my divorce, until this summer. I struck up a physical relationship with a guy from my next town but this left me feeling even worse because he didn't want a serious relationship, which I accepted and thought a bit of fun may make me feel better, but it didn't so I ended things after a couple of months.

I have also tried to begin enjoying my own company, doing my own thing outside of work, reading, writing, watching movies etc but I am so sick and tired of doing everything alone, all of the time. It's starting to make me feel low and the thoughts about how lonely and alone I actually am are beginning to consume me. I have read self help books 'love yourself', 'it's OK to be single', 'get to know yourself' and all the other psychobabble. Have any of these 'experts' actually ever been in a situation that they advise upon?

Anyway, I would love to hear from anyone with similar experiences to mine. I'd also love to hear from anyone who has any advice for me as to what I am meant to do when I feel that I have tried everything and continue to get lower and lower in my mood.

Thank you very much for reading.

Hey there,

I too experience what you have wrote. I'm a mother of two girls 12 & 10, and just recently got back together with my ex - fiancé... With those two differences. Yet, I also consider myself a nice person, I have a couple of close friends too, including my sister who lives about 2,900 miles from me. I live in a city where my fiancé was born and raised, I've been here for the last 3 years and recently back about a few months ago. And I haven't still found that meaningful friendship that you are also seeking. I honestly feel very alone. I'm sorry if I didn't provide an answer, but I just felt propel to share with you something that you and I have in common.

Thanks for that input. It sucks :-( but I'm not even one to wallow in self-pity, so I keep on plodding on and on. I've now also joined a Tai Chi class, but it's quiet and relaxing so nobody really speaks!

How about doing volunteer work?

You're a fantastic writer. Start a writers' group at your local library. The library would love it, and of course, everyone thinks he is a writer and has a book inside him that everyone is dying to read. I started one at the library I worked at, so I will be glad to give you help and advice about it.

Or, join a book discussion group at your library. If there isn't one, your library would be thrilled if you offered to start one too and would be happy to give you pointers.

I guess it is futile to expect something outside us to complete us or make us happy. I am going through something like this too, but I feel that indulging in this state of mind pulls us down even more,Someone told me that the actual problem is that you have more time than you need for yourself so get busy, invest in creating genuine smiles, it is surprising how the smiles come back to you... :-)

I'm lonely too, at 65, after caring for my parents since 2005 and now both are gone. I was hoping for roommates in the big house I bought, but I only have one so far, who isn't here much, and I'd rather not rent to strangers. I don't like to go out a lot so I accept my situation. I spend a lot of time online, including here... you could too.