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    WillsnAlly's Avatar
    WillsnAlly Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jul 30, 2018, 02:52 PM
    I've always felt like an outsider and don't want to feel this way anymore?
    I'm 24, I have a job and I still live at home with my Mum, as she and my Dad have been divorced for a while now. While it might seem like I have it easy, every day feels like a struggle when I wake up feeling more and more different from and out of sync with other people just as I always have. I admit that this mostly due to the fact I have mild autism and dyspraxia, although I can still function relatively well in society and do just enough to get by. The only thing is, I sometimes get the feeling that I'm not truly appreciated on a deeper level by others, simply by virtue of being the person I've always been from birth and my mere existence in the world. I don't really have a lot of friends other than the one true friend I've had ever since I started school. But at home, I have it particularly bad. I feel that my Mum and sister are always really dismissive of me, of my worries, of my emotional needs, of my preferences, even of my interests and passions. Like with my Mum, I think she sometimes forgets the fact I am dyspraxic and loses her patience with me over many things from the ways in which I do things like the housework, washing dishes one handed instead of using both hands, if I drop things, scrumple up freshly ironed clothes inadvertently or break things without meaning to. I have also become pretty adept at picking up when there are inconsistencies in her treatment of both my sister and I or in what she says and what she actually does and whenever I try to raise this with her, although in an impassioned manner most of the time, she attributes it to me being a "" or that I'm just whining for the sake of causing an argument when all I ask for is for some fairness in the household and no hypocrisy or anything like that. I admit that I've always been a pretty intense person ever since I was a kid. I've always felt emotions deeply, contrary to popular beliefs that people with autism lack any kind of feeling or empathy, but rather than being told to simply "toughen up" or "stop being so sensitive", all I want is for people to be a little more understanding and appreciative of the fact that being "intense" as they call it is a natural part of my wiring and it can never fully go away no matter how much I try to adapt to social situations and keep it under control as much as necessary. As for my sister, she more or less just rubs the fact I have autism in my face and doesn't really try to understand or appreciate the ways in which it affects me. For example, when I simply tell her, "I would just like some time alone please" as I'm naturally introverted in addition to being on the spectrum and having dyspraxia, she just calls me anti-social or a "grumpy " and just throws any kind of ad hominem remark under the sun at me. But I don't spend time alone because I hate people and do it to spite them. All it means is that I need to take some time out once in a while and recharge my batteries so to speak as being around people for too long can be draining for me. It seems that the only person in my life who really truly appreciates me in my entirety and accepts and cherishes all of who I am, is my now fiancÚ who I've been with for 5 years and although we're currently in a long distance relationship, I feel a little better in myself knowing I can turn to him whenever I'm struggling with my emotions. But at some point I feel that his counsel won't be enough and that I should consider seeking more professional advice to help me overcome my emotional issues and address my family dynamics constructively.
    WillsnAlly's Avatar
    WillsnAlly Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #2

    Jul 30, 2018, 02:56 PM
    I've always felt like an outcast and don't want to feel this way anymore?
    I'm 24, I have a job and I still live at home with my Mum, as she and my Dad have been divorced for a while now. While it might seem like I have it easy, every day feels like a struggle when I wake up feeling more and more different from and out of sync with other people just as I always have. I admit that this mostly due to the fact I have mild autism and dyspraxia, although I can still function relatively well in society and do just enough to get by. The only thing is, I sometimes get the feeling that I'm not truly appreciated on a deeper level by others, simply by virtue of being the person I've always been from birth and my mere existence in the world. I don't really have a lot of friends other than the one true friend I've had ever since I started school. But at home, I have it particularly bad. I feel that my Mum and sister are always really dismissive of me, of my worries, of my emotional needs, of my preferences, even of my interests and passions. Like with my Mum, I think she sometimes forgets the fact that I'm dyspraxic and loses her patience with me over many things from the ways in which I do things like the housework, washing dishes one handed instead of using both hands, if I drop things, scrumple up freshly ironed clothes inadvertently or break things without meaning to. I have also become pretty adept at picking up when there are inconsistencies in her treatment of both my sister and I or in what she says and what she actually does and whenever I try to raise this with her, although in an impassioned manner most of the time, she attributes it to me being a whiny b****** or that I'm just kicking off for the sake of causing an argument when all I'm trying to ask for is for some fairness in the household and no hypocrisy or anything like that. I admit that I've always been a pretty intense person ever since I was a kid. I've always felt emotions deeply, contrary to popular beliefs that people with autism lack any kind of feeling or empathy, but rather than being told to simply "toughen up" or "stop being so sensitive", all I want is for people to be a little more understanding and appreciative of the fact that being "intense" as they call it is a natural part of my wiring and it can never fully go away no matter how much I try to adapt to social situations and keep it under control as much as necessary. As for my sister, she more or less just rubs the fact I have autism in my face and doesn't really try to understand or appreciate the ways in which it affects me. For example, when I simply tell her, "I would just like some time alone please" as I'm naturally introverted in addition to being on the spectrum and having dyspraxia, she just calls me anti-social or a "grumpy b****" and just throws any kind of ad hominem remark under the sun at me. But I don't spend time alone because I hate people and do it to spite them. All it means is that I need to take some time out once in a while and recharge my batteries so to speak as being around people for too long can be draining for me. It seems that the only person in my life who really truly appreciates me in my entirety and accepts and cherishes all of who I am, is my now fiancÚ who I've been with for 5 years and although we're currently in a long distance relationship, I feel a little better in myself knowing I can turn to him whenever I'm struggling with my emotions. But at some point I feel that his counsel won't be enough and that I should consider seeking more professional advice to help me overcome my emotional issues and address my family dynamics constructively.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,884, Reputation: 10852
    Expert
     
    #3

    Jul 30, 2018, 04:27 PM
    I agree that maybe a professional can help you learn to celebrate your uniqueness, and forgive your family members for their flaws. Maybe they have issues similar or worse than yours, and likely all of you just bring those flaws to the forefront, and make the family dynamic very stressful. Often people know the name of what others suffer from, but have no clue about the nature of that suffering, so have heart and don't let anyone bring you down.

    They cannot help it, because they are down too. Get help, and hope they can realize they could stand some help too.

    Good Luck and be strong.

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