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    badgalre's Avatar
    badgalre Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Feb 7, 2018, 10:16 AM
    I'm 15, LGBT and feeling lonely. Advice?
    I am a fifteen year old girl. I am sure about my sexuality and I am not confused, so donít waste your time commenting such things like that.
    For about a year I wasnít fully aware of the fact that Iím completely into girls instead of boys, but recently I came to the realization that itís me, itís who I am and I love myself. I came out to my mother and she couldnít be more supportive. The problem is that I have felt really lonely since I came out. I was scared to get into any relationships before, but Iím not anymore. But in the past couple of months I have felt like I lack interaction with people, I feel really lonely and I want to have a person who I can talk to, who I can tell everything thatís bothering me to, cry to and cuddle with. Someone to love. But not someone who lives a thousand miles away from me. And please, don't tell me that I don't even know what love is, because I know more than you think.
    Iíve been trying to interact with people, but I feel like Iím more mature than most of the people my age, and I want to find someone who understands how life works, someone who doesnít smoke or drink like most of the very few LGBT people in my town do, someone who has a brain. Someone who knows how to have a good time without alcohol or any other **** like that.
    Okay, I got a little carried away. But, long story short, I am feeling so freaking lonely and I really want to have that one special person. How? And I need to do that without people finding out about my sexuality, because my town is homophobic as hell. All of this is building up inside me and it hurts my heart.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #2

    Feb 7, 2018, 01:45 PM
    Feeling lonely isn't fun, I get that. Forget about the LBGT thing for a moment. Focus on a new activity, join a gym, learn a new craft or sport, something different. You will start meeting people and you never know where that next relationship will come from. If it does happen, don't force the relationship just for the sake of having a relationship. Bad relationship are bad for a reason. Get to know a person inside and out. Remember when we first start dating everyone is in the actor or an actress. It's only after a long period where we can really get to know a person. So let it happen naturally.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,137, Reputation: 10852
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    #3

    Feb 7, 2018, 02:26 PM
    I have to agree with Oliver 100% on this because it's very normal for a 15 year old to want love and have that perfect love and sexuality really has nothing to do with it because it's not really about the heart at all. It's about connecting and fitting in and living and enjoying the growing years, and yes that does mean growing pains.

    Don't look for love, look for life with friends family and activities that you enjoy and takes some risks as you explore yourself. The skills and life lessons you learn now, awkward as they are, you will take with you as an independent adult.

    Look around, you are hardly alone, lonely may be, but that's only because you haven't made a plan to do something with others that involves others. Plus you sound like a hopeless romantic, and I get that, but why just be hopeless when you can actually build a life that you enjoy. Join a club why don't you!

    Or are you a shy hopeless romantic or something? No matter you can do this.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #4

    Feb 7, 2018, 04:17 PM
    Sorry, at 15 you are only sure about right now... statistics prove what you want now is unlikely to be what you want just 2 years from now and certainly not 4 years from now. That applies to EVERYONE equally. Worry about school...anyone you are involved with now almost certainly WON'T be around by the time you are 20. Screwing up your education WILL haunt you for many years to come..maybe even for life.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #5

    Feb 7, 2018, 06:35 PM
    I agree with Oliver. I was going to suggest, but not sure it would work for you because you stated your town is very homophobic, but why not start a LGBT support group at your school? My daughters high school has an LGBT/straight alliance group, free for anyone to join that just wants to meet people, may be feeling lonely, just needs someone to talk to. They meet twice a week. One of her best friends is gay and he helped start the group. It's been really helpful for a lot of kids.

    Sad that there are still places where homophobia exists. When I asked my daughter about her friend, and if he's ever bullied, she said, "mom, people don't do that anymore, they know that being gay isn't something you choose, it's who you are. Bullying someone for being gay would be like bullying someone for having brown eyes". So very different from when I was in high school. I had many gay friends but only their close friends knew, otherwise they were subject to bullying. We kept the secret because we knew what would happen if it came out. Nowadays, at least where I live, kids are free to be who they are without ridicule. I wish it were that way everywhere.
    HRGable's Avatar
    HRGable Posts: 2, Reputation: 3
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    #6

    Mar 17, 2018, 09:12 AM
    Truthfully, your story sounded ALL too familiar (though my version happened a long time ago) - I grew up in a small town, homophobic as hell... And didn't have anyone to talk to or share with. The only person I knew that was openly gay was a friend, but she was bullied so much that I didn't want to add to her situation. I concentrated on just being me and enjoying life as it came. It took a while, but I eventually found the person I'd spend the rest of my life with & we've been together for 26 years now. I guess what I'm trying to say is don't discount the people already in your life, talk to them & find yourself. The rest will happen when the time is right. I know it's REALLY hard at 15 and you definitely sound pretty smart and mature to me - that's why I know you can do this. (Sending you a hug!)
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,303, Reputation: 7691
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    #7

    Mar 17, 2018, 05:40 PM
    That has been the issue, at least in my opinion, when someone wants to "come out" they feel the need to put it on a bill board and tell everyone. Most of your friends could care less, and would just be glad to be friends.

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