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    cannet's Avatar
    cannet Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Jul 9, 2017, 06:57 AM
    How to manage my anxiety?
    Hello everyone.
    I am writing to you because I have a big problem.
    For a long time I have been suffering from anxiety.
    For a few months, I fear that my boyfriend may abandon me.
    Several years ago, my parents divorced.
    I had a hard time with the separation and I had the feeling that my father had abandoned me.
    Knowing that I moved to a new country 1 year ago, apart from the family I do not know anyone.
    By now, I have not resumed my studies, I do not work and I have no particular activity.
    The fact of leaving everything behind is still very difficult .
    8 months ago I met my boyfriend and everything is going very well between.
    At the beginning thanks to his studies we could see each other practically every day and we had the possibility to talk to each other all the time.
    He managed to fill an emptiness in me that had been there for a very long time.
    Since 1 month he has resumed a full-time job so obviously our routin has changed.
    We can only see each other on weekends and talk to each other in the evenings or during his breaks.
    The problem is that I so loved our daily life for the first few months, that someone takes care of me that I was not necessarily ready to change that .
    Now because of this I feel that the feeling of abandonment resurfaced. Even though I know that what we live is normal. I can not move on. I'm still waiting for him to send me a message, I'm constantly waiting for his breaks.
    I can not live right now.
    When we see each other on weekends I can not even enjoy it completely because I am afraid of the coming week .
    If this continues, it is possible that by reflex I leave him before having the impression that he does it.
    I really need you, please.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #2

    Jul 9, 2017, 07:22 AM
    First off.. it appears that you were grabbing at and clinging to the first person who showed an interest. Why.. you moved to a new place where you didn't know anyone. Let me guess.. you haven't found and developed a new group of friends where you are now? In a year you should have a number of them.

    You have latched onto one person you have known only 8 months almost to a point of obsession.

    If you can't be happy with yourself... nobody else is going to be able to make you happy.

    I can say this because I've made major moves several times that required making new friends each time... and yes that included international moves.

    I won't say its easy... because its not... the first time is worst... but you learn to cope.. you learn to make friends. Putting EVERYTHING in one person will prevent you from doing what you need.

    Consider making those friends, and working on finding enjoyment and happiness on your own like a foundation before you build that house (boyfriend or other serious relationship).
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,136, Reputation: 10852
    Expert
     
    #3

    Jul 9, 2017, 07:32 AM
    You feed your own dependence on another, by doing nothing that helps you build a life that you enjoy. Like work and activities you enjoy.

    Go get a job, go to school, at least to mingle, and socialize while you learn to do better for yourself. Stop blaming your parents for your choices. Anyone would be anxious, afraid, and deeply dependent if they had no responsibility, or something to look forward to. What about the responsibility to yourself and being healthy and happy?

    You don't NEED a boyfriend... you NEED a life... go build one!
    cannet's Avatar
    cannet Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Jul 9, 2017, 07:47 AM
    I tried several times but because of this abandonment feeling I cannot go towards others. I don't know how. Having this feeling for one months is blocking me. I need to forget this feeling(originated from my parents) . I don't know how to do it. Do you think breaking up with my boyfriend is a solution?

    I started working several times but I quit by 3 days to 1 week as I feel anxious and freaked out. I constantly think that he will leave me and I keep on waiting for his messages. Since our routine has changed, I'm scared to not feel the well-being I felt at the beginning few months of our relationship. I am constantly thinking about this and the future.
    I feel its so hard to make friends and to work. I am not able to work neither.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,136, Reputation: 10852
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    #5

    Jul 9, 2017, 07:49 AM
    I think getting a job, or going to school is where you start to slowly cope with your own feelings. Maybe a medical check up will help, but definitely a plan of action to better yourself and prepare for a long term future is a good thing.
    cannet's Avatar
    cannet Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #6

    Jul 9, 2017, 07:54 AM
    I once consulted a psychologist, she told me that I have severe anxiety and I didn't know how to make choices on my own. Unfortunately, I cannot see her since she is travelling.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,136, Reputation: 10852
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    #7

    Jul 9, 2017, 07:58 AM
    A medical doctor can help, so make an appointment, and not excuses, not to act.

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