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    swimmergirl's Avatar
    swimmergirl Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    May 9, 2017, 02:07 AM
    How do I deal with my favorite person in the world moving away?
    I am 16 years old and I have been dealing with depression. Recently I have had the opportunity to get close with my tutor(I am home schooled) She has been such an encouragement to me and she makes me happy and lightens up my dark world. We text often, I text her if I am sad or mad and she gives me encouragement and always is there for me. Now she may be moving because her husband has applied to a job in another state. I love her so much, and she does not know I am connected to her in a deep way- almost soul bound. I will miss her hugs, the smell of her house, our walks together, everything. I've noticed she hasn't been answering my texts ever since I heard she may be moving. I love her so much and don't want her to go I don't know what I would do without her. That leads to my first question: Is it weird for a teen to be so close to an adult like this? And secondly: How do I tell her that I'm so deeply connected to her? I love her so much
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #2

    May 9, 2017, 05:21 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by swimmergirl View Post
    I am 16 years old and I have been dealing with depression. Recently I have had the opportunity to get close with my tutor(I am home schooled) She has been such an encouragement to me and she makes me happy and lightens up my dark world. We text often, I text her if I am sad or mad and she gives me encouragement and always is there for me. Now she may be moving because her husband has applied to a job in another state. I love her so much, and she does not know I am connected to her in a deep way- almost soul bound. I will miss her hugs, the smell of her house, our walks together, everything. I've noticed she hasn't been answering my texts ever since I heard she may be moving. I love her so much and don't want her to go I don't know what I would do without her. That leads to my first question: Is it weird for a teen to be so close to an adult like this? And secondly: How do I tell her that I'm so deeply connected to her? I love her so much

    You don't "love her so much". You only are infatuated with her and that's a very different thing. Let it go... because #1 it might creep her out, #2 she's married and #3, has a life outside of you. Fine to get along, even be friends, but there are boundaries being overstepped here.

    Work on finding other friends near you....its a good exercise in life as you will find you might have to move or other friends will have to move throughout your life. I've made major moves several times (4 so far, 2 were international moves) that have meant finding a whole new circle of friends each time. Thats not counting the friends I had that had to move away for their own reasons.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,879, Reputation: 10852
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    #3

    May 9, 2017, 05:53 AM
    It would be very helpful to know how your depression is being dealt with by you and your parents/doctors. Your responses to these questions are very important.

    That leads to my first question: Is it weird for a teen to be so close to an adult like this?

    I think it's very common that you have formed an attachment to your tutor/mentor/friend, but how long has she been your tutor? It doesn't take much when your world is limited to just a few adults besides family. Especially to what sounds like a VERY good adult who obviously treated you well. Anyone would be down if such a person left there lives.

    And secondly: How do I tell her that I'm so deeply connected to her?

    You DON'T because undoubtedly she knows! Instead a thank you for her time and acknowledging your profound gratitude for her caring and wishing her the best of luck is more appropriate and in order.

    I love her so much

    Of course you do, and she is probably rather fond of you too, so don't make this hard or complicated for either of you. It's no easy thing to accept a big change in your life and you both may have to go through a mourning period until you can start the healing process and be truly grateful for the time you did spend. Handle this like a mature 16 year old should, with dignity, for yourself and your tutor.

    Think how would you like her to remember you and honor that memory and keep those positive thoughts close to you to help you as you cope with your dark world. I think she worked very hard to show you the world really doesn't have to be as dark as you think.

    That's how you best show love to one that brightened your world, so make her proud. Now can we get a response to my questions please?
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #4

    May 9, 2017, 10:55 AM
    16 is old enough to learn that we can't cling to people who have lives of their own.
    She may not be moving at all. She's letting you down softly but abruptly, the best way to do it.
    You ask how you learn to deal with it - the same way we all do. You tell yourself over and over every day that you accept it, you acknowledge that she has a life, you THANK her, and then you replace her with other ways to spend your time.
    Do you realize that your love is actually very selfish and immature? A 5 year old doesn't 'want her to move away,' but you are old enough to show TRUE caring for her with understanding that she MUST get on with her life.
    To do a good, positive first step letting go, sit down and write a thank you letter over several days. Rewrite it as many times as you want. Draw pictures, anything.
    Thank her for giving you her time and support and caring. Say you will miss her, but do not gripe about her staying.
    ma0641's Avatar
    ma0641 Posts: 15,681, Reputation: 1012
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    #5

    May 9, 2017, 11:48 AM
    "How do I deal with my favorite person in the world moving away"


    "Now she MAY be moving because her husband has applied to a job in another state."
    Statements don't agree. He has APPLIED for a job, doesn't have yet. You may be worried for nothing. However, I do suggest you read all the other replies too in case they do move.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #6

    May 9, 2017, 01:27 PM
    The tutor no longer responds to contact. I think it's final, whether her husband actually applied for another job or not.
    swimmergirl's Avatar
    swimmergirl Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    May 9, 2017, 02:08 PM
    I have known her for four years, and her son is in my class for home school. She buys me stuff and let's me come over to her house-
    swimmergirl's Avatar
    swimmergirl Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    May 9, 2017, 02:21 PM
    I am seeking counseling for my depression
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #9

    May 9, 2017, 02:21 PM
    You said above that she doesn't respond to texts, a strong implication that that was the end of contact. You didn't say that you still go over to her house and see her! Is that true?
    'Seeking' means looking, but not found yet. So you have no therapy?
    swimmergirl's Avatar
    swimmergirl Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    May 9, 2017, 02:25 PM
    I do have a counselor and I am in the process of finding a new one. Yes, she is a big part of my life. She hasn't cut off all contact.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #11

    May 9, 2017, 02:36 PM
    You have added important details after the fact. I'm not comfortable with how this request for help is progressing.
    swimmergirl's Avatar
    swimmergirl Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    May 9, 2017, 02:45 PM
    Then don't answer it. There are many more answers that are way more helpful, then degrading and critical.

    Thank you talaniman! Very helpful!

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