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    foreverromantic's Avatar
    foreverromantic Posts: 176, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jan 14, 2017, 05:42 PM
    Is this a friend?
    About a year ago I met another senior lady. We are both very active seniors; looking a lot younger , etc. Anyhow, in the beginning I thought we had a lot in common, movies, etc. and we did, in fact, go together a few times to movies. She belongs to a book club, which I went once and did not like; I go to a University for classes and invited her to come once FREE. So far, she has not done so. Also, we do not go to any movies. She seems to want to attend only FREE events, whereas I do not care whether it is free or not. I have told her many times about FREE events, but she never wants to go to them and always has some excuse; even if they are FREE. There are so many events, etc. in my area that are fun and I feel rather bad that she does not seem interested. She has a little dog with her and seems to devote a lot of time to her pet, which I fully understand, but many people here BRING THEIR PETS TO EVENTS. She says she "does not like crowds; does not want to pay for parking; does not want to pay for events... where am I on this?
    I also have had HER to my home for two or three times nice lunch, but she has NEVER invited me to HERS...
    Should I just not bother with this person any longer...
    Sometimes it's hard for seniors to connect. This person was a teacher at one time and I need someone INTELLIGENT to speak with. Other people in my University classes have asked if I want to go to lunch, etc.; Do you think I should just forget about trying to be friends with this person ?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,052, Reputation: 10852
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    #2

    Jan 14, 2017, 06:00 PM
    Is this the same person?

    https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/emotio...nd-829039.html

    Why not just back off a bit (A lot actually), and not keep trying so hard to be friends? You aren't that desperate are you?

    You seem to have other options so explore them.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #3

    Jan 15, 2017, 06:16 AM
    I realize that your best friend moved away 1 1/2 years ago, promised to stay in touch, but didn't, of course - few do.

    But given that you asked about this new possible close friend 2 months ago, and got several good answers, I'm wondering why you are asking again?
    Try some of those other requests for lunch from women at the university! You'd be surprised who is intelligent in not-so-obvious ways.

    I have a good friend who is a retired nurse and an excellent artist, and after 40 years, I just realized that I don't know what her educational background is. She went through a period in the late 70s of thinking she wasn't smart enough for a lot of our friends. Nothing I said convinced her that she was. Finally one day she walked in with a big roll of newsprint and a Rubics cube and spent day and night drawing diagrams of ways to solve the cube. After days? 2 weeks? I forget, she could solve it instantly. Very impressive, but no one but she needed to be impressed with how smart she already was!
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #4

    Jan 15, 2017, 02:24 PM
    I can completely understand how your new friend feels.

    I'm a very social person, when I go out, but I hate going out. I much prefer to stay at home, be with my family, go camping, and not be around big crowds, or go to endless events.

    My house is a shambles right now, mid renovations, so I don't ask people to come over. I've never been the kind of person that thinks that if I have someone over, they have to reciprocate. Either they do, or they don't, and if they don't, that's fine. Not everyone likes to have company over at their house.

    It sounds like you're trying way too hard. Sounds like you're both very different people. She prefers to be at home with her dog, and you want to go to every event you can find.

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