Not sure this is a common problem for other people, but my daughter has chosen her mother in law to be her best friend/mother/ caretaker of her children. It's not that I have a problem with them being close to each other, it is probably a great thing, it's just that my feelings are so hurt because she pretty much ignores me and we all live in the same town. There are very few days that go by that I don't cry about seeing them together and knowing that the MIL is there every day with the grandkids and because of her husband I am not really welcome there and he lets me know it. There are problems from the past due to divorce, remarriage, step kids etc. but her theory is that she had to share me with her step siblings and not it's payback time. We get to see the kids one night a week for 3 hrs which, thank god, we at least get that privilege, but her whole life revolves around her husbands side of the family and it appears she has no interest in any relatives outside of that realm. She says she does what she can because he husband despises my husband for reasons we really don't know about for sure, and it is not an option to talk to him. We have talked to my daughter a couple of times, but he has no interest in resolving any problems he has with us, so she is in the middle and we understand that she must take a side and that it needs to be with her husband. My sadness overwhelms me some days. I think about all this constantly and it is going to cost me my marriage if I don't figure out a way to deal with it. I love my husband dearly and we have been together for a long time, but he says that all the counselling, anti depressants, or whatever I think I need to do to deal with this won't change anything because you can't change people such as my daughter and husband if they don't want to change anything. So, If there is anyone that has a similar problem, I would be happy to know that it is just not me being a bad mother in the past, if that's what's going on and I deserve to be treated like this. It has brought on so much emotional turmoil that some days I just want to move 10,000 miles away. People can't run away from their problems, but at least I would be able to go through the days without wondering if this will ever get better. Please help!

Firstly, I think that you need to stop obsesing about it, or you will make yourself sick. I do feel for you, but your husband is right - you can't change how other people behave, you can only change your own response to it.

My feeling is that the more you push your daughter, the more she will resist. So stop pushing. You see your grandchildren once a week, this is more than many grandparents see their grandchildren - see this as a blessing. Make it a pleasure to see them instead of wanting more - make sure that they enjoy their time with you, rather than worrying about when you will see them next.

Accept that your daughter has chosen her husband's family. You can do nothing about this except be gracious about it. As you have already said - she has her reasons even though you have no part in her decision. Make sure you celebrate birthdays etc by sending cards, phoning, whatever - make sure you are a loving and constant presence. Acceptance often brings many rewards and it may well change the dynamic between you and your daughter.

Life is about shifts and changes - who knows what will happen in the future. If you accept and love your daughter (even though you do not agree with her decision), if you accept and love your grandchildren (even though you would like to see them more) people will eventually see you for what you are - a caring, consistent, loving grandmother.

I understand that this is very hard for you, but you have a life apart from your daughter and grandchildren, live this life and focus on being happy, it will reap rewards.

We do not always get what we want in life - try to accept the blesings that you have.

I am sorry that you are in this position. Consider also sending birthday and Christmas cards to your son-in-law's immediate family (parents, siblings) to signal your acceptance of the extended family. Over time your consideration will be appreciated and perhaps your daughter and son-in-law will see your generosity and include you more in their lives. Concentrate on being the best grandmother to your grandchildren!

I am feeling the same way, overtime did things get better.

Not sure if there is enough time left to get things worked out before our time is up? I'm pretty sure unless something drastic happens which I'm pretty sure won't happen, things will stay this way for a very long time. The sadness continues, but I am coping with it the best I can. I just miss my daughter so much, and it is obvious she doesn't feel the same way. I accept somewhat that it can't be changed, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. Thanks for your response. Please share your story and feelings. It seems like there are no other daughters that prefer to share their life with their MIL and how much that hurts to be left out. Would like to know how others deal with it if this is happening to them.