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    candyblankets's Avatar
    candyblankets Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jul 6, 2017, 06:43 PM
    Do I go back to the job where my boss tried to touch me?
    I'm a 20 year old female, starting uni in September.

    Currently working at a dodgy tiny quiet company that gets little business, often just me (in the office) with a middle aged ~seemingly friendly~ boss who creeps me out, telling me stories of when he's had an awkward b*ner, etc, brushes far too close past me, tried to 'accidentally' show me a nude on his phone, occasionally tries to share a seat with me instead of pulling up his own chair to sit on, and one evening came to my house when my partner was away, brought food and tons of alcohol although he wasn't drinking, kept telling me to drink (I wouldn't - except one drink he pretty much bullied me into downing) and I'm sure he made my drink stronger when I wasn't looking.

    My boss is about 47 years old, a bald, short, fat racist man who smokes endless cigarettes. Creepy..

    When I was sat down he suddenly pushed himself against me and started massaging my neck breathing heavy and was like 'you like that' I was petrified but after a couple of minutes of feeling violently sick I stood up and said that's enough. He left after and I cried to my partner down the phone. Boss has acted like nothing has happened since. I know I'm an idiot for even letting him into my house but I thought I'd be fired if I said no and I really need the money. It's dodgy, cash in hand from his wallet and I'm not technically on any paperwork or agreements. Anyway, he's ran out of money and can't pay everyone's wages so he suddenly has 'temp' dropped me - no work for at least 2 weeks minimum, until he calls me back. IF he calls back, do I go back there?

    I don't get on with my family, I live in a rented house with my partner who is a student, not working and is trying to find work right now (his parents are lovely and help us out with our rent although they don't live with us so we're very grateful and lucky for that)

    My boyfriends mum and my partner said I should go probably back IF he calls me back eventually and asks me to come back, so I can make some money until my first student loan comes in September where I'll be fine.

    I absolutely hate the job, I dread going there and spend my 4 days off dreading about going there because of how afraid/creeped out I am by the boss. Additional to that, it's eight hours sitting on my phone doing nothing a lot of the time after I finish my tasks and just wait for emails or phone calls to answer. As it's so quiet in the showroom alone 8am - 5pm, I also want to be WORKING and not being paid to be lazy. But what I dread more than anything is seeing my boss

    When he pushed himself against me to 'massage me' as I 'always look hunched over at the desk' I was sat on the my lounge floor and he came up behind me, pressing his groin/hips against me and breathing heavy near my ears/neck and putting his hands down my dress at the back under my bra strap (this is where I stopped him) I was too terrified to say no, I'm on antidepressants, have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and OCD so I'm hardly confident at standing up for myself..

    I'm sorry, I just can't talk to my own mum about it who thinks everything is going awesomely and doesn't know much about my life right now, and I can't tell her I was fired from my last job for not being good enough the other month. I just need to vent anonymously and talk to someone about it so here's my attempt.

    EDIT -

    Sorry, forgot to mention I also live in a town where the wide majority of it's population is taken over by a university and it's students so all suitable jobs for me are taken, the competition is truly an issue in this town. I've been applying for jobs consistently over the past year to no avail, just rejections or no response at all most of the time. It's very unfortunate :/
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,277, Reputation: 7690
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    #2

    Jul 6, 2017, 07:10 PM
    So, what has he said, when you told him to stop it. Told him you do not want him to do those things ?
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #3

    Jul 7, 2017, 04:31 AM
    Why do you even want to go back to work there... find a new job.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,912, Reputation: 10852
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    #4

    Jul 7, 2017, 04:53 AM
    No job is worth being terrorized at, don't care what your boyfriend says, and his first job is protecting you, not his finances. If you cannot fight back and handle the boss yourself, ask for help and remove yourself from the situation.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,254, Reputation: 5642
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    #5

    Jul 7, 2017, 06:31 AM
    That is sexual harassment. If you go back it will most likely continue. I'm sure you could find another job where you won't be harassed.
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,801, Reputation: 2674
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    #6

    Jul 7, 2017, 07:49 AM
    You are 20 years old. Old enough to answer your own question "should I go back". I cant think of anything more degrading to put up with. Poor advise from people older then you, to go back if he asks you. No. Look for another job; with proper paperwork and benefits and be proud of yourself for moving on from that situation. Don't let it happen again.
    candyblankets's Avatar
    candyblankets Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Jul 7, 2017, 02:42 PM
    I don't want to go back there one bit, but I just feel/felt forced to because of keeping up appearances with my mum, and my boyfriend and his mum telling me they think I should go back there for the money :/ I don't think I will. And I haven't told him to stop, for fear of getting fired when I need the money. (My parents have never sent me a penny) And I'm also just generally very anxious, which makes it feel simply impossible unfortunately
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,769, Reputation: 5427
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    #8

    Jul 7, 2017, 02:58 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by candyblankets View Post
    I don't want to go back there one bit, but I just feel/felt forced to because of keeping up appearances with my mum, and my boyfriend and his mum telling me they think I should go back there for the money :/ I don't think I will. And I haven't told him to stop, for fear of getting fired when I need the money. (My parents have never sent me a penny) And I'm also just generally very anxious, which makes it feel simply impossible unfortunately
    When I was your age, I made several poor choices because of what I understood were the expectations of my elders. Now that I'm old and can look back with more wisdom, I realize I had other choices that I had refused to consider at the time, mostly because I was scared to trust myself.

    Please trust your instincts and the advice you've been given here. There are truly other avenues to travel. What will be your biggest concern when you quit? The money? Finding another job? Your elders' opinions?
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #9

    Jul 7, 2017, 04:44 PM
    Find a better job... there are ALWAYS better jobs out there... want to keep up appearances.. THAT is the best way... showing upward mobility.
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #10

    Jul 9, 2017, 04:41 AM
    Just to add... if your boyfriend knows of all that happened, and still suggests that you go back because of the money, not only would I not be going back, and continue looking for new work, I'd be giving some careful thought about a new boyfriend as well.

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