I post on here all the time, and it helps, it really does. But i just can't shake these bad thoughts away..i spent 2 years of my life with someone who said that he wanted to marry me..he now says that he doesnt love me anymore and he never wants to get with me again if the chance were to happen.. i said okay, and got off the phone hysterical crying, (at maybe 12am) we start texting throughout the night..and at 2am he calls me, for "just because." and he falls asleep on the phone with me until 4am...just like old days...the next day i went to the doctors for irregular bleeding and she said i miscarried a baby i had no clue about! i was devastated..i texted him as soon as she told me and he had the nerve to ask if it was his! he said he only wanted to be there as a friend...he was the father of my baby! how can he be just a friend?! ...i know people are going to bash my ideas and feelings but i know deep down, a burning feeling tells me that he's the one. my heart breaks again at the thought of saying he isn't the one... but he says he's in love with his new girlfriend of a month, and..that he's the happiest he's ever been...im heartbroken, over the loss of him, and even more the loss of our baby...i hold in my tears until times like this (its 3.14am) i feel like i lost my other half, i gave him everything and now i have nothing. my family has no clue of this depression (and its not all because of him, i've been a depressed little girl ever since i could remember... and he was my savior..) all my nights are spent dreaming of him, and when i wake up i see his green eyes, and he's gone. i can't help but want to go to his house, kick down his door, and be in his arms.. he saved me from myself more than he knew. at nights, i would cry for someone anyone to come save me and not a second later would his name pop up on my cell phone... he was my first love...and now that he's gone, his friends threaten me to not get near him, and he even told me to stay away from him and his new girlfriend because, "there is no way im going to ruin this relationship." (my response was, "no one is going to ruin it, but yourself.") he said he was doin me the favor of "letting me go gently" and i just told him he's doing no favors if he isnt with me. we havent spoken since. we stopped talking completey (deleting each other from phones-computers-etc) on the 13th...and i feel like its been forever... i miss him so much, and feel free to bash away saying that i'll move on, maybe its something i need to hear, the even sadder thing was i tried calling two hotlines (JUST TO TALK) and both didnt pick up (so called 24/7)...im lost, all my cousins (who do know) are in relationships going on 4-7 years with their partner, and they tell me it'll be okay. how would they know? they're still with them..and here i am..its 3.23 and i'm lost and hearbroken and i just need some words, advice, some expierences of your own, something to make me feel not so crazy and alone...
thank you for reading...

That actually nearly made me cry because If anybody was to identify with how you're feeling it would be me. Seriously, it could be me that wrote that. I find it hard to give advice though, as I'm in such a similar situation, it would be like the blind leading the blind. I just want to tell you that you're not alone, and I feel all the pain that you're feeling and know how hard it is, especially when you throw a miscarriage in the mix of it. My ex was told about this and hasn't even felt the need to say anything to me. Anyone would think I'd hurt him in any way which I reallly haven't and he knows I don't deserve this. All I know is that though we're feeling distraught there's just one thing that'll make us feel better, and that's TIME, celebrate when you go to sleep knowing you've got through another day (I know how hard it is getting through each day) and that you're another step closer to healing. Inhale, exhale, and know you (we), won't always feel like this.

I was in a similar situation some years ago, my fiancée met another guy two months before we were to be married. I was so angry, not at her, but at him, that I wanted to kill him. I tried to twice, but was stopped by an angel the first time and by the audible voice of God the second time.
Fortunately, by the grace of God, and some people that He put in my life, I came to know Jesus in real way, not in a religious sense, but after I was baptized by full immersion, I was filled with the Holy spirit and spoke in an unknown tongue. That was only the beginning, but even though I still went through some tough times, I hung on to Jesus and got through it. Because I was faithful, God blessed me with a beautiful wife and four wonderful children.
My life is now one of pure joy, even when the troubles of this world come against us, we have a Saviour that hears our cries and gives us the peace to walk through it.
The reason that I and you now, were in this situation, is that we made poor choices, and if we make poor choices, then we should expect poor outcomes.
God has a plan for your life, that is, what you were born for, but you will die, never fulfilling your purpose in this life if you don't turn to Him and agree with Him that you need a saviour. Guess what, He has already thought of that, He sent His Son to die in your place to pay for your sin.
All you have to do is to accept Jesus as your sacrifice for sin and ask Jesus to come into your life as your Lord and Saviour. Then find a good church that believes in full immersion baptism and all the gifts of the Holy Spirit.
I could tell you of many, many times that God has blessed us supernaturally, e.g.. Houses, land, cars, jobs, help in our times of need, healings, etc, but if you find a spirit filled church, then just ask some-one that has been there for a few years, and they will tell you how God changed their life too.
You may think that you are free now, but you are led away by your own feelings and wants and are in fact a slave to them. The Bible says in Proverbs 4:23, to " Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it flow the springs of life."
Choose Jesus, choose life, choose joy. Peace and love, start making the right choices, leave your old life behind, start a new one right now.
Believe me, this is no joke, this is real, religion may be a joke, but Jesus is real, get into a relationship with Jesus, He will never leave you nor forsake you, I can testify to that!
I should have been killed over 40 times, through car accidents, shootings, knife fights, snake bites, electrocutions, motor-bike accidents, drownings, fires etc
For some reason, God has allowed me to live, all my friends of my early teenage years are dead, and most of my friends of my twenties too. They all made bad choices and paid the ultimate price. The choices that you make will determine your outcomes.
Whatever you sow, so will you reap, it's a principle that you just can't get around, it is set in stone, so start making some good choices for your life. Your destiny awaits you.

Don't give up, and keep doing things that you enjoy. Your feelings are so normal, and we all have been there. I can remember how I felt just hearing "our: song on the radio. Whew, but be patient, and make new memories, and that takes time, and you being very proactive in your healing.

Its good you come here to vent, now you have to regroup as part of the healing process, and do more than just feel bad, you must actually identify, and pursue, what feels good to you.

Get busy with the rebuilding, and do the work necessary to heal, then the happiness of others, will not make you feel like your missing something, or remind you of your loss.

Hey there I am glad you are here. Keep coming back. I feel for you I really do. Losing a relationship is painful and horrible. You are a worthwhile woman even though you may not feel that way at the moment.

Thank you guys for everything. I don't know why I was so caught up at first. But he was amazing in the beginning, but this new found him wanting to party is just not for me, my heart tells me he'll be back, but I know that this false hope will do nothing for me by waiting. I haven't heard our song yet (its pretty old-ish) and I know that if I have to bump into him I might go hysterical, I come here so many times its unbelievable really.. what I hate the most is that he was the most sweetest guy ever, he would bake cupcakes when I wasn't feeling good, he made his dad use his plow truck to see me on valentines day where my street was snowed in. and now that I lost his baby he wants nothing to do with me, I know no one at our age wants to be parents, but we were for a brief time and I don't know why he would just overlook it and still go on and be happy. He says he's in love, but I know he's no where near it. We knew what love was, and there's no way he could reach that with another girl in only one month. A friend told me that god only give you what you can endure. And even with the tears in my eyes, I'm a strong girl for handling it all. I know someday I will stop crying, and stop hurting, but as of now... I don't think so.

Guys, I've been thinking about calling him. I can't get this burning feeling out of my chest, of longing, he's said it a billion times that he doesn't want to be with me.. but I can't let it go. I feel as if I never will. I know if I talk to him it'll just set me back, but I don't know what else to do. All I do is just... think, cry, and write. I would love if he came back to me, but I would love it even more if I can just get out of this rut for now.. what do I do?!

Hot shower, two aspirin, a good book, or movie. Its after midnight here, so I assume it's the same in PA.

Tal is right, take a nice hot shower, I vote for a move(not a sappy love one) and drift off to sleep. You will feel better about not calling him in the morning

Dear girl, you really must move on, he is only a young guy that only want's to satisfy his sexual feelings of desire. You were good for a while, but guys aren't like girls, they don't want permanent relationships at that age. All they want to do is to have as much sex as they can have with as many girls as possible. I know, I used to be like that,and am ashamed to admit it.
You really need to get yourself into a relationship with Jesus, tell Him how you feel.
Actually, He already knows, He's just waiting for you to agree with Him.
You are very precious in His sight, He died to set you free from this pain and sin.
Find a good church to go to, a bible believing church, it will be the best thing you ever did.
Otherwise you will go from relationship to relationship trying to fill the gap in your heart that only God can fill.
If you choose to follow your own ways, you will end up an un-married mother with no hope of a good life.
Whatever you choose, you will have to face the consequences of that decision in your future. Even now, you are having imaginary conversations with your old boyfriend, and convincing yourself that he still loves you. Truth is, he never did, you were really just sex to him, as is the girl he is with now.
Real love is when one person respects not only your feminity, but also your family and your reputation, and wouldn't do anything to hurt you. They would put you first and would want to meet your needs and treat you like a lady, as that would give them pleasure.
The conversations you are having, are from the enemy, the devil, you have to tell him to shut up and go away. He won't go at first, but keep telling him to shut and go away in Jesus name. Ask Jesus to come and fill those empty parts in your soul.
He is just waiting to help you. He will send a person or friend along to bring you to a good church, you may even know some-one who is a Christian, go and talk to them.
Get some love and joy in your life, start reading the Gospel of John, then Acts, then on to the end of the Bible, then go back and read Mathew Mark and Luke, Then start again and keep reading.
I know what it is like to be in your place, the same thing happened to me 2 months before I was to be married, I was going to kill the other guy, but God stopped me and I was baptized and Spirit filled and Jesus truly set me free.
Now I have a wonderful family, 3 beautiful daughters and a beautiful son, all very intelligent too. I can truly say that if I hadn't chosen to follow Jesus, I would either be dead or in prison, I am so grateful that I perservered and hung on to Jesus while my life was changing, now I have more than I ever imagined in all things, God is so good.
Please make the right choice, as not only does your life depend on it, but if you continue in this lifestyle, you may pass this curse onto your children.
Take God's offer of salvation, it cost you nothing, it cost Jesus his Life. Cheers.:)

I was minding my business, took everyone's advice relaxin, reading a good book (v.c. andrews, amazing author btw) and out of nowhere he starts IMing me asking how things are, and I'm very short and hardly even answering. I asked why "he was gracing me with his IM presense." to show that I was still pissed at him, and he just said, in one of those moods.. that means he's depressed and his new girlfriend can't talk to him or he hasn't even bothered trying to talk to her. We didn't talk though because I wasn't interested really. I was going to visit an old teacher, and I found out today that he visits that teacher too. I'm really mad because he's only talking to me for his benefit. He knew I was always here, but now is when he needs me? What do you guys think?

Leopards don't change their spots, dump this loser and respect yourself. You carry the hopes of all your past generations, don't let them down.
Make the right choices, you will get better outcomes. Cheers.

Leave this jacka$s alone, block him on that stupid messenger for your own sanity

By now you know that any contact however small upsets or confuses you.

SOLUTION-Ignore him and disappear from his life.

Hang in there! I know how you feel! Just three days ago on the 20th my girlfriend- and love of my life- blindsided me and I was CRUSHED. Just three days later, we're still friends and I feel way better. Sure I still miss her and the memories bring a tear or two every now and then, but things will look up. I've been telling a lot of people about this next thing. When I'm stressed, broken, crushed, etc. and I feel like the world found the biggest thing it could and beat the living sh*t out of me, I reflect on the Desiderata and what it says about life. It's an amazing poem that helps bring focus and clarity to my thinking when I'm anything but clear minded. It's really true and a great way to live your life. I hope it helps you as much as it helps me...

"Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."

I know you're sad and you feel empty inside, but things will get better. Learn from your past and take that new-found knowledge and walk into the world ready for the future. Sometimes the future can be uncertain and I'm sure you feel like you'll never meet another quite like him but you will and he'll be better. Walk with an air of confidence and move on knowing that you WILL meet that someone and that things WILL be better, you WILL feel amazing again! Remember- Life is a gift that is given to us daily. Make the best of everyday and have a positive attitude. Hang in there! "With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy!" best wishes-

Drew

he came to my house,walked right through my door (it was unlocked, I had just got home and didn't even bother to check if I did lock it.) I was dozing off on my couch when he barged in and he just wanted to talk? Well talking meant crying for god knows how long, and the next three days we spent together, and he was the one who cried the most. ( I kept telling him to leave what we had as the past, and to stick with his new girlfriend, I really really did tell him that) and he would just cry harder about it. He said he couldn't commit to me, but he didn't want to leave her, which pissed me off and I told him to just stay with her, but he just kept insisting that I was the one, we were meant to be, if I hadn't miscarried my baby he wouldve been a good father, etc. and I just kept telling him, that we're both on new cycles. (im being very mature, I could just easily take him back.. ) then I messed up. I let him sleep over. =( you know what happened then. He cried even harder because he said he was a cheater, but he cheated with the girl he wants to marry. I told him to just tell his new girlfriend the truth, and to make it work with HER. The next day, he slept over again, but NO SEX. And he asked me to hold him one last time as he cried to sleep (he's not usually this emotional which angers me because I couldve used that emotion when I lost my baby.. ) I suggested to not talk to him anymore but he said that it wouldn't make him happy. So here I am, haven texted called nothing. The last time I saw him, I dropped him off at my house, and he said that the next time he would see me he would be ready to commit to me, and that he would never leave, I gave him a short answer, "ill believe it when i see it." and he smiled and said, "you will". I'm pretty mad that he broke our NC, when he knew he shouldn't have. He didn't tell his girlfriend about the sex, but he told her that he still loves me. They're still together. I'm trying to be there for him because he doesn't have anyone else but it feels like he says those things to me just to make sure that I stay there for him, I don't know if that makes sense... im starting NC again, for his own good because I know he'll just keep talking to me, and complicating things even more for him and his new girlfriend. I want to tell her the truth, but I doubt he would appreciate that. I'm confused as to what to do, but not with my emotions. I love him, and I would love to have him again, but not like this. Not with these predicaments.(sp) I told him down the road, we could try again, ( I meant years) and he said by then I wouldve found someone better (im hoping.. )which makes him cry even harder. Besides having sex with him, which I know I shouldn't have done (ill take a bashing for that) I really haven't done anything wrong. So... what do you guys see from this?and me putting up NC was a good idea?

It sounds like you conveniently stop NC, gave him some nookie and confused him some more and sent him back in the world.

What a dramatic booty call, and nothing has changed a bit, except you know he will be back, which I think was your point.

Drop the NC, that's a sham. You two may as well continue this game till someone gets tired of it.