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    Lizzielou2014's Avatar
    Lizzielou2014 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Sep 26, 2013, 07:09 PM
    Can depression kill you?
    My boyfriend of 14 months broke up with me at the end of August. He said he didn't want to break up with me and that it was the hardest thing he ever had to do. He just wanted to figure out his life, and he wanted me to finish my senior year. I went and talked to him about a week after the break up, and we were both in tears about his decision, but in the end we were going to be good friends and he was going to be there for me no matter what. Once I graduate from high school, we were going to try to date again.

    Well, four days later, I got the news that he passed away in his sleep. We don't know yet why he passed away, but I keep thinking it was my fault because I was trying to work things out with him, because I knew it would be a bad decision if he broke up with me. Does anyone have any ideas to help me out? Could he have died of depression because he was depressed that he broke up with me, and he wasn't happy with his life, or his job? Please help. I'm so lost.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,910, Reputation: 5430
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    #2

    Sep 26, 2013, 07:17 PM
    I'm sorry for your loss. I've lost people I loved, so my heart goes out to you.

    No, someone doesn't die of depression. Is it possible he took his own life? Is there anyone -- his parents, sibs, any relatives -- who would know the cause of death? Since he was so young and died so suddenly, was an autopsy done? Did he know he had a life-threatening condition and that's why he broke up, to spare you?
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    Lizzielou2014 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Sep 26, 2013, 07:22 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    I'm sorry for your loss. I've lost people I loved, so my heart goes out to you.

    No, someone doesn't die of depression. Is there anyone -- his parents, sibs, any relatives -- who would know the cause of death? Since he was so young and died so suddenly, was an autopsy done?
    I'm really close with his brother.. He married my cousin, so I've always been close to him & his family, & no one really has any idea what happened. He was 21, & at a very depressed stage & was starting to drink heavy. The night he died, his friend was with him & was the one that found him. He was drinking that day though, so I don't know if maybe it was alcohol poisoning or what. They did have an autopsy done, but I don't think it'll come back for at least a month. :(
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    #4

    Sep 26, 2013, 07:33 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Lizzielou2014 View Post
    They did have an autopsy done, but I don't think it'll come back for at least a month. :(
    I'm afraid you're going to have to wait for the report. Until you get that, it's only speculation.
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    Lizzielou2014 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Sep 26, 2013, 07:36 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    I'm afraid you're going to have to wait for the report. Until you get that, it's only speculation.
    Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I'm just worried that however he passed, is in some way my fault.
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    #6

    Sep 26, 2013, 07:41 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Lizzielou2014 View Post
    Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I'm just worried that however he passed, is in some way my fault.
    No, don't think that way. It sounds like his brain chemistry was messed up. Had he seen a doctor or psychiatrist and maybe gotten meds and counseling? What seemed to be some of his life problems that he was struggling with? (Depression runs on my father's side of the family so I know a person cannot cause it -- it's something inside the depressed person, the way he thinks about things, that has gone wrong.)
    N0help4u's Avatar
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    #7

    Sep 26, 2013, 07:42 PM
    No it is not your fault. I am sure he knew he could count on you if he wanted to you would have been there for him. Depression can be a very delicate thing that pushes some over the edge where they can not think or react to their problems in a way we normally do. It is nobody's fault, especially not yours. It probably was building up for years.
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    #8

    Sep 26, 2013, 07:51 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    No, don't think that way. It sounds like his brain chemistry was messed up. Had he seen a doctor or psychiatrist and maybe gotten meds and counseling? What seemed to be some of his life problems that he was struggling with? (Depression runs on my father's side of the family so I know a person cannot cause it -- it's something inside the depressed person, the way he thinks about things, that has gone wrong.)
    Well, he would never go to the doctor because he said he didn't like going.. So I'm guessing it was probably a fear. & he wouldn't go to a psychiatrist & get put on medicine because he knew that he couldn't drink while he was on the medicine. Things he would struggle with would be like.. His job, he hated his boss because his boss treated him like crap. He was upset that he didn't go to college & do something with his life & become successful. He was upset because he still lived with his parents.. He wanted to get an apartment, but his job didn't pay enough for him to be able to move out. He always thought he wasn't good enough for me, & was upset because he couldn't buy me stuff all the time or take me out to eat or on dates very much. But none of that stuff mattered to me.. I didn't care if he didn't have money to spend on me, I just enjoyed spending time with him & being able to talk to him.

    Quote Originally Posted by N0help4u View Post
    No it is not your fault. I am sure he knew he could count on you if he wanted to you would have been there for him. Depression can be a very delicate thing that pushes some over the edge where they can not think or react to their problems in a way we normally do. It is nobody's fault, especially not yours. It probably was building up for years.
    Yeah, I think it probably was building up for years. Just by the things he would tell me that he was depressed about..
    Wondergirl's Avatar
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    #9

    Sep 26, 2013, 07:58 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Lizzielou2014 View Post
    Well, he would never go to the doctor because he said he didn't like going.. So I'm guessing it was probably a fear. & he wouldn't go to a psychiatrist & get put on medicine because he knew that he couldn't drink while he was on the medicine. Things he would struggle with would be like.. His job, he hated his boss because his boss treated him like crap. He was upset that he didn't go to college & do something with his life & become successful. He was upset because he still lived with his parents.. He wanted to get an apartment, but his job didnt pay enough for him to be able to move out. He always thought he wasn't good enough for me, & was upset because he couldn't buy me stuff all the time or take me out to eat or on dates very much. But none of that stuff mattered to me.. I didn't care if he didn't have money to spend on me, I just enjoyed spending time with him & being able to talk to him.
    It's sounds like he felt really stuck, like he was spinning his wheels and going nowhere -- and he wanted to be so much more for you. It's so very sad that he didn't even give counseling and meds (and A.A.? ) a chance because those things might have turned everything around for him. And he was young enough to still be able to accomplish a lot of positive things with a different job and education.
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    #10

    Sep 26, 2013, 08:01 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    It's sounds like he felt really stuck, like he was spinning his wheels and going nowhere -- and he wanted to be so much more for you. It's so very sad that he didn't even give counseling and meds (and A.A.???) a chance because those things might have turned everything around for him. And he was young enough to still be able to accomplish a lot of positive things with a different job and education.
    Yes, he was very stuck. & I always tried to talk him into get put on medication because I knew that it would make him feel so much better, but he just wouldn't. At least I know I tried..
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    Wondergirl Posts: 37,910, Reputation: 5430
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    #11

    Sep 26, 2013, 08:02 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Lizzielou2014 View Post
    Yeah, I think it probably was building up for years. Just by the things he would tell me that he was depressed about..
    Depression is like that, like a snowball rolling down a hill, affecting everything in its path. After a while, he didn't look for and find any joy in his life -- all was negative which made him feel worthless, useless.

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