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    J_Julie's Avatar
    J_Julie Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Sep 17, 2017, 09:00 PM
    Am I being emotianally abused?
    I am currently 16, I am going to state all I can, so sorry if this is a long post, I just need advise.
    I have grown up in a Christian home. I don't ever remember wanting to go to church. I tried to pretend I wanted to but I didn't. If I said I wasn't feeling up to church my parents would rant on about how I need to come and why I am not staying home. My parents used to 'smack' me and my brother, they said it was for the best, and when I said it was illegal and wrong they laughed at me. When I got a bit older I started going to youth group which I was pressured into by my parents. I wasn't aloud to watch movies if I stayed home, I just had to stay in my room.
    I hated school so much in the primary years, I had horrible friends. My parents forced me to go even though I tried so hard to stay home. I used to pretend I was coughing so I could stay home. Yet when they found out I'd been pretending they still forced me to go to school.
    Several years ago I did damage to my knee (I still don't know what), I couldn't walk properly and they still sent me school. My knee was swollen and very bruised as well. The teacher made me still do the laps around the oval, because she thought that since my parents sent me to school I was lying. I was never taken to a doctor.
    They were the main things from when I was younger.
    Just recently I have gone away from the religion. Dad told me he thought I had a demon inside of me, he told me my boyfriend was like my god, and my religion. He once held me down and started preying over me.
    Every time dad is gone, mum acts differently she starts acting as though she is much superior to me. She yells at me, and calls me selfish when I simply need to be alone.
    I'm terrified of going to hell. And my parents don't deny that I'm going to hell because I'm not Christian. Some nights I can't sleep because I wake up shaking and crying.
    But then in the mix of all this my parents are always going on about how much they love me, and how I am their miracle. I'm confused, I don't understand them. I don't know what to do. My boyfriend told me that I might be able to move in with his family, he also said to talk to a physiatrist, but I'm still waiting for one to respond to me. I need help.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,286, Reputation: 5645
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    #2

    Sep 18, 2017, 02:27 AM
    You are 16. Your parents are being responsible parents and trying to raise you right. You cannot move in with your boyfriend until you are 18. 'Smacking' Or spanking children is not illegal.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #3

    Sep 18, 2017, 04:34 AM
    I agree with J_9, some kids NEED spanking because they can't listen to reason. When you are 18, move out into your OWN place and support yourself.. THEN you are free to ruin your own life (that can happen in an instant). Until then its your parents house, and THEIR rules. Since they are supporting you AND legally responsible for you until then. What you are NOT free from and never will be are caring parents that try to correct you before you do something stupid that you will pay for the rest of your life, or even hasten the end of it.

    The world can be a harsh place.. very unlike the one MOST teenagers imagine is out there. Your parents are trying to prepare you for it.

    You are going to learn you don't get to do what you want to do, when you want to do it all the time... and in fact it will always be subject to things that NEED to be done first, often things you don't like or want to do. Because that's life.

    And incidentally... your parents will ALWAYS be superior to you because you are their child and they are your parents. Someday YOU might be the parent and understand this.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,137, Reputation: 10852
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    #4

    Sep 18, 2017, 06:54 AM
    Harshness Warning

    No you are not being emotionally abused, at least not by your parents. Sorry you feel that way, but the truth is it's YOU abusing your parents. You do need help, not from a shrink, but an older female who has experienced being a hormonal, rebellious teenager, that's full of herself, and blames everyone else because she is immature, and ungrateful. You probably won't listen to her any more than you do your parents, unfortunately.

    No doctor or psychiatrist in his right mind will see a teenager without permission from her parents. My advice is just do as your told, and stop causing trouble for your parents because in TWO short years you can walk away, and do as you please, believe what you please, and live wherever you please.

    I can almost bet there is a lot more to this story, but you painted yourself as being a typical hard headed hormonal selfish teen who thinks they know more than her parents. Go ahead run to your boyfriends house, IF his parents let you, which I doubt, so your folks can call the cops, and have you placed in a home for wayward teens who run away, and your boyfriends parents are charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor. What you never thought that far ahead? That's the selfish part, since you don't seem to be aware of how you disrupt everyone else's life, especially your own.

    Yeah you need help all right, and I am very glad you asked for it. That's something, so my advice is Google "home for runaway teen girls" and add your zip code or city, and then go visit and see if you can sit and listen to young females tell their story, who like yourself didn't want listen to their parents, and decided they could do better somewhere else but home.

    Do you even know how lucky you are to have a home? Yes you are very confused, and need help sorting it out before you screw things up really bad. All teens are confused, but many are smart enough to know it, and just listen to their parents and do as their told.

    Sounds like the simple easy way is too hard for you, so I guess like many, you will just have to learn the hard way. It's completely up to YOU. Let me also advise strongly you get on birth control, not just for possible pregnancy, but maybe smooth out those hormones a bit. A family doctor can help with that, or you can Google free women's' clinic near you for that too.
    Adalyne's Avatar
    Adalyne Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Aug 6, 2018, 01:49 PM
    I know this is way to late. But since the anwsers this post recibe are terrible ones... And all this 3 "advices" are just a perfect recipe to suicide. Don't follow them. There is not a especific definition to emotional abuse, but there is some things that could help you recongnize it. You could have at least one: attack on personal character, bale and acussations, shame and judging, sarcasm or twisting what you said, rewriting history, playing the victim, manipulation, control and coertion, criticism that is hard and undeserved, intimidation, silent theament as punish, fisical attack that is somehow justified, disregard of the persons or they're way of thinking, ignoring as a way to demostrate superiority or being the one in control. Children/parent relationship should not be in any way a power play, if parents are a mighty figure then there is no way that they can connect with they mortal children's. And in case of the person that is being abuse the signals are: withdrawl, sleep desorders, night terrors or panick attacks, OCD, anxiety, inhibition or insolation, apprehensiveness, erratic view of yourself, low self esteem, etc. And she really needs to see professional advice, if she have night terrors (wich are just one step away from panic atacks) then she have emotional problems for having a bad relationships with her parents (from what she said). If someone disregard you're feelings then is not really thinking in what is best for you (more like what is best for them). We are very used to seeing things in a scale order, where parents are right and kids are just too emotional, or selfish; then we ask ourself why the new generations are more emotionless, and superficial... well, they're emotions do not matter when they're raised, what do you expect? Is kind of interesting how too many parents we're cut it out of the lives of they're child's 'cuse of it. (read some papers please, it's all over the net like some new social disease or something) I do not know if going away home could help, maybe for a while, but what she really need is to go to therapy, so she can overcome the bad feelings and move on. It could even fix things with her parents. And for the record kids do not own anything for existing, I mean... shelter, food, and everything to raise a kid is parents DUTY. They decide to have a child! If you have a kid expecting some kind of retibution for giving them food, or water, or a bed, or clothes... you're doing it wrong!

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