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    icantfixwhatyoubroke's Avatar
    icantfixwhatyoubroke Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Mar 12, 2007, 05:48 AM
    Dumped by txt, by my fiancée.
    This such a long and complicated story but any advice would be appriciated as I have no idea what I should do.
    When I met *Ellis I had just got out of a long term relationship and wasn't looking for another. I didn't want to get involved with anyone, even though I was over my ex, I just didn't want to go through it again. Anyway, *Ellis eventually won me over after a few months. He's the most genuine guy I've met, what you see is what you get. We had been dating for about 8 months and were head over heels in love with each other. He proposed to me a week after my birthday and it was a complete shock. According to friends he had been planning this for ages, making sure everything would be perfect. He went searching for the perfect ring, took me out to dinner and ordered a bottle of their finest champagne without me even knowing. When he asked me I was sooo happy. I think it was the best day of my life, of course I said yes and he had another surprise for me. He had arranged an engagement party at our friends flat for later that night. He invited all our friends and we bought 5 bottles of champagne to celebrate with. He went to so much effort which is what makes what he has done even more confusing.
    Its been 5 months since *Ellis proposed and there hasn't been a single problem in our relationship (we have our ups and downs but what healthy relationship doesnt). We went snowboarding in sweden 3 weeks ago and visited my family while we were out there. We told them that we were engaged and they were so happy for us. While we were out there we found loads of homeware stuff that we liked and so we bought coffee cups, wine glasses, plates etc (because its cheaper over there) for when we move in together. We were planning our future and even though we were going to wait a few years before getting married we had talked about what sort of wedding we would like.
    Then, I moved into his for a week 2 weeks ago, to see if we could handle living together and things were fine.
    *Ellis had just started a new job at a pub, he's a chef, and so he has a drink after every shift. I have no problem with him having a drink but all that week he got drunk and didn't come home till 11 or 12 at night. Most nights I went with him and so it wasn't really a problem, we were with friends having a good time. But then I asked him if one night we could have a night in when he finished work, id cook dinner and we could just hang out together. We decided to have a night in on Thursday afer work. I didn't care what time he finished his shift (that night it was 10) just as long as he would come home instead of going for a drink. He called me at 9.30 and said he got off early but was going for a drink with a friend as he was leaving for egypt in 2 days. I understood he wanted to say bye but we had been saying bye to this friend all week and there was always 2moro night as well. *Ellis came home at 10.30 and we had our dinner together, he said sorry and that he didn't mean to upset me he just wanted to say bye. That night *Ellis and me had a huge conversation about children and our future. He asked me to move in permanently, and I said I would think about it.. but we both knew I would say yes the next day.
    A few weeks ago *Ellis told me that he had been thinking about having children and that it would make him the happiest man in the world if I was pregnant. He was so genuine about it and we had a long discussion about what it would mean to us and how it would affect our life. We both agreed on the Thursday that we had a meal in together that I would go off my pill, and so I did. He was so happy and couldn't stop talking about how he couldn't wait to hold our child.
    Anyway, 3 days after I went off my pill he stopped talking to me and wouldn't take my calls or text me back. He eventually text me saying there was something wrong but he didn't want to talk about it and needed time. I gave him time and 4 days later he text me saying it was over and he doesn't feel anything for me anymore.
    I don't get it. How can he tell me he loves me and ask me to move in one day and couple days later tell me its over?
    He says I haven't done anything, and he isn't the type of guy to cheat and so I don't know what is going on.
    Please give me some advise on how I could get him back, I know he still loves me. Its like he isn't listening to his heart, only his head. I don't know what to do/say to make him realise what he is giving up.
    Please don't tell me he isn't worth it or ill get over it. It isn't that simple, we were planning on making a family only a week ago. I love him to bits and can't bear to take my ring off.
    Please help.
    Sofie x
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #2

    Mar 12, 2007, 06:29 AM
    If I read this right this relationship went way to fast and crashed and burned. What could the hurry be?? I think Ellis is seeing reality, and wants to rethink such a drastic step as, moving a stranger in, and starting a family. Thank God, one of you woke up to the fact you that after 8-9 months are still strangers who need to know a hell of a lot more about each other, before crossing that line to the next level.
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
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    #3

    Mar 12, 2007, 10:22 AM
    How long has it been? Are you still in his place? Some people move faster then others and maybe everything just was way too much for him and need that extra time to sort through his own things. I can not say exactly what is going on with him, but it does sound like he likes to party a lot. That could be just one of the issues. You can not bring somebody back to you, you can not force the issue. It is something that is out of your control really. He knows how you feel about him. He knows you8 love him. There is not much you can do.

    Question did you email or text back anything? I would like to know if you did and what was said.

    I do hope that you eventually work through this and hoping the best for you. Many relationships that go way to fast way to soon like talaniman has said tend to crash and burn.

    Relationships of getting to know somebody slowly, with patience and learning how to become best friends is very important. Another thing is that people who do everything in the world together with such a short time get an excitement about it but when you start running out of things to do and running out of excitement what is left?

    Joe

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