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    Why did he cheat and say he still loves me?

    Asked Mar 9, 2012, 06:22 PM 3 Answers
    Why did he cheat and said he still loves me?

    Me and my ex were married for 28 years, had three kids that were on their own with their own kids. We got along great, did everything together, without any fighting. Life was good. I thought it was anyway, but I was wrong. My world came crashing around me all in one day. All that I knew and loved was gone. I got home and my husband told me he was cheating on me. I actually, figured it out by myself several months before, but I told myself I was overreacting.

    I ignored all the signs because I didn't want to fight. I threw him out and divorced and now he is living with her. Her and her kids from another man have ridiculed my kids right in front of him, he sat by didn't say or do anything. I feel like I need some closure and answers in my life, that I obviously am not going to get from him. I have read a lot of things online, it seems like he is going through a mid-life crisis. When all of this first happened he would still find some way to communicate with me. He would tell me none of this was my fault, I was a good wife, and I was a good mother, but he was still living with her.

    I finally told him to stop talking to me because it was too hard on me. To this point, I have been trying to live my life, been dating, and I push them away every time. One day out of the blue, he calls me up, says it was an accident. My first question is why he would call me after all this time. My second question is why he would let her and her kids destroy his relationship with his kids and grandkids. I know they are having problems, he has told me himself. I was also wondering what kinds of problems they would be facing right now. I am not sure how I feel about him right now sometimes I hate him and others I miss him.

    From what I have read and heard he will get bored with her and try to come back, is this true? I want him to feel the pain and misery like I did. I am doing really good on my own; I am going back to school. I don't want it to be disrupted again. What should I say if he tries to come back to me?

    Last edited by talaniman; Mar 10, 2012 at 01:00 PM.
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    3 Answers
    mmresd's Avatar
    mmresd Posts: 2,001, Reputation: 552
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    #2

    Mar 9, 2012, 06:43 PM
    He has made his choices, be strong, and let him feel the consecuences of his decisions. Twenty eight years is a long time, it is only common for you to feel like you miss him still after getting used to having someone around for so long. Remain strong.
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    Sasha40's Avatar
    Sasha40 Posts: 10, Reputation: 3
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    #3

    Mar 13, 2012, 08:06 PM
    Wow, he actually left you for his mistress?! That almost never happens, Why would you want him back? Even if he came back crawling?
    You can make all the excuses for him as to why he betrayed you but it really is irrelevant. He cheated and it doesn't make a difference if it happened once or a million times the fact is the trust you had is gone! There is an old saying "once u break a mug there will always be a crack nomatter how well u try to glue it together"!
    I know it's 28 years of marriage but
    He cheated so if I were you, I would move on without him and leave them alone.
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    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,420, Reputation: 1930
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    #4

    Mar 17, 2012, 03:16 PM
    How is cheating an accident... especially since it was ongoing? Why does he call you and tell you that out of the blue?. because he is having problems with her now and he has come to see that the grass was not necessarily greener. He likely has also realized what he allowed to happen to his children and grandchildren. He may regret how things took place.

    As was said, it is perfectly natural to miss him from time to time, and miss the family unit that you once had.

    Has he said anything about wanting to get back together or perhaps he is just wanting to talk to someone because they are having problems? You are someone he has known a very long time and he may feel that he can confide in you.

    You will have to decide how much involvement you want. Contact strictly to discuss kids and grandkids? Occasional civil chat? Develop a purely platonic friendship? Once you decide what you are comfortable with, let him know.

    Good for you with moving forward! It gets easier and your sense of accomplishment, especially with your schooling, will be so very rewarding.
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