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tej121 · Dec 9, 2009, 05:28 AM

I'm married for 2 years. When we started our life , everything was going well. But one day my wife said her brother wants to come to england for further studies and he'll stay with us for 1 year. I told her we have our private life as well but she didn't understand and fought with me, after 1 month he came and staying with us till now but when he came her father said he wants to come and stay with us for 15 days, when he left my sis.in law and her husband planned to stay with us for 20 days and when they left my mother in law came and staying with us. Everyday we argue and wife gets violent and break things.when we argue she phone to my mum and talk rude.she asks me to say sorry to her parents because I fight with their daughter. Now my wife doesn't want any deep relation with my family and says I should be part for her family. She can be formal with my family, as I feel. We don't have sex life last 3 months because I'm feeling pain in myself.now sometimes she encourage me for sex but I don't feel to stay with her. Right now I'm not working and my wife working on higher post. Is my marriage life is at end ? What should I do?

blank916 · Dec 9, 2009, 01:39 PM

Let her go she sounds like nothing but bad news for you, if she treats you and your family bad, why would you want to be married to a woman who makes you hurt? She is not the one for you! Get out now before your looking back ten years from now with children kicking yourself in the but!

Gemini54 · Dec 9, 2009, 01:51 PM

What a ridiculous situation! If you want to save your marriage then you need to have some time alone. It's unacceptable that all her relatives should be visiting you for long periods against your wishes, and your wife needs to grow up and realize that being in a marriage is not just about what she wants.

Stop arguing with her - this is the worse thing that you can do. Especially don't argue in front of her relatives. Let her quietly know that you've had enough and that unless she is willing to compromise and limit the time her family spends with you then you will leave. Let her know that you're very unhappy and that her behavior and lack of consideration is putting the marriage at risk. If she starts to argue with you just leave the room - be very clear about what you want and leave it for her to think about.

Get a job and get your manhood back. You can't negotiate with her unless you're coming from a position of strength. Remember a good marriage is about communication - if you can't talk to each other then there is nothing.

Your marriage won't survive unless you TALK to each other and LISTEN to each other.

artlady · Dec 9, 2009, 02:15 PM

The issues you are having should not be deal breakers in a marriage.These are problems that can be worked out with communication and compromise.
Two very vital elements to any successful partnership.
Marriage is a partnership that takes work and commitment.
If you can not resolve these issues between the two of you,I would suggest counseling.

Jake2008 · Dec 9, 2009, 03:28 PM

It seems that the 'deal' should have been made before anybody arrived at the front door. Not only that, but once one came, that opened the flood gates for the rest of them.

The first thing I thought of was the extra cost. Food, electricity, water, etc.

The way I read this, your mother in law, and your wife's brother are still there?

It's one thing to help out, on a very temporary basis, but this open ended hotel deal, has to stop.

More than that, your wife is being very disrespectful. Not only of you, personally, but your privacy, and your home is not the same when you have 'company'.

Clearly she has chosen their comfort, over yours. Their feelings and needs, over yours.

I would suggest that you draw the line. Insist on a time, maybe even out of the house, where you can speak with her privately, without interruption. Write it out if you have to. All the things you have said here, and why this is unreasonable, and unworkable for you. She needs to re-establish her priorities, and put you first. Let's give her the benefit of the doubt, and presume that she doesn't know how seriously her decisions are affecting you.

If there is no compromise with her, seek out marriage counselling to help resolve this. Don't give up, and don't argue with her to a point of breaking things. That only makes you look bad to her family, and doesn't solve a thing.

Be strong.

talaniman · Dec 12, 2009, 02:29 PM

It's a big red flag when one partner makes big decisions without input, or care of what the partner thinks and I think you should have stood up for yourself a long time ago, even if it means tearing down all she has built for the good of her family.

I think I would have left until she was ready to make better decisions and change some of the things she has done already.

If she doesn't... see a lawyer.