[KarleeDoolin]

My husband and I have only been married for 18 months and have just had a baby 2 months ago. My problem is we are such a good couple and get along so well, we joke around and agree on nearly everything together, however about 4 years ago my husband(boyfriend) got really drunk one night and did something really stupid, he was living at my families home at the time and jumped up onto the water heater and looked at my 16 year old sister getting ready for a shower. She seen him and he jumped down. I nearly left him but he was so sorry and blamed it on the alcohol! I lived him so much and I new he loved me the same, he had just proposed to me 2 months before. The 2 days before this we had arguments cozni had a feeling he had feelings for her, he denied! He kept msging her and keeping them from me saying he didn't want it to upset me but my sister didn't like it. It took me years but I got over it and my very large close family forgave him. Anyway on the weekend he got drunk at my sisters 18th and that night and msged one of my other sister now 16 asking if she wanted him to set up a mattress next to him so she could keep him company! He was sleeping in the lounge room her friends were in the room right near him and I was in the other room with my baby! There were a few messages and they seemed abit dodgy but he said they came across wrong because he was drunk, my family are really upset and song believe him! I believed him and took his word but have now found out that he was msging my previous sister I was talking about 1 week before our wedding saying she is so gorgeous and any guy would be lucky to have her and he wishes he could have a chick like her! My mum and dad decided not to tell me because of how close it was to the wedding and they new it would ruin me! He is saying he never said that but I believe my sister and am so upset he thought of her like that and to message her just before our wedding hurts me so bad! But he does love me so much and before I new this we were so happy! I have never thought of my life without him and I want him so bad and I know he loves me more than anything but I feel like I have no choice but to leave as there have been a few occasions of this and because of what he wrote to my sister! Can I stay with him? My whole life will be ruined we have so much together and I'm scared of being without him! I know it would ruin him he really does live me sooo much he always has made me feel so loved and I do want to stay with him! Help pleeeease!

[ebaines]

Your story is a bit confusing. Are you saying that all the text messaging occurred before you were married? Or did something happen more recently?

[joypulv]

The only time I am going to tell a woman to leave her husband is when he is abusive. Otherwise, it's totally up to her. He needs counseling, and maybe you do too, a marriage counselor will teach ways to talk to each other. I can't tell if he does this only when he's drunk or not. You need to be able to summarize your problem rather than tell each little story: he hits on your sisters, and yet swears he loves you. That one sentence is what you tell the counselor or anyone, and you take it from there. What do YOU want? You want him to stop. You can issue an ultimatum that if he does it again you will do X and Y (make sure you have a real plan, such as moving in with mum).
He may feel that hitting on sisters is 'safe' since they are sure to reject him out of sisterly love, so be careful what you demand. He may move on to women you don't know. He may feel that he needs this activity to keep a spark going with you. Sometimes a little flirting by both spouses is good for you - he turns to stare on the street and you hit his arm and get all indignant and it's harmless, and then you sigh over some handsome guy who walks by.

[Fr_Chuck]

it sounds like he has a issue wanting to watch younger girls, but mostly when he "drinks" so it appears he has a drinking problem and perhaps a issue with moral values and faithfullness esp when he drinks.

So it is easy, you and he both go sober, not another drink, not another drink in the house.

Then you and he start counseling