[fatcatlegs]

I've been married for five years and with my husband for nearly 10. We have no kids. We got together when we were both young. Our relationship is far from rocky. Although we never have had an overly physical or deep relationship, our relationship always just "is". We have set and achieved many goals personally and professionally and are lucky enough with our financials and our families.

About two years ago, I hit a very rocky point in my personal health. I struggled with my best (male) friend no longer communicating with me (who was my rock for many years) and did not get what I needed from my relationship with my husband. This manifested itself in a very awful depression.

Then... I met someone at work and we hit it off instantly. In fact, the moment our eyes met I knew we had a deep connection. We had a true "love affair". It started and continues as a non-physical connection where we talk about stuff. We see each other on occasion at work and it remains professional. He is single with two kids. He loves me and is a mature, independent and lovely man.

How do I know if I should leave my husband?

[tickle]

How do I know if I should leave my husband?

You and your husband have never actually fulfilled your relationship with each other, i.e. children. You have all the physical/monetary attributes of a very comtemporary very shallow existence.

So to answer your question, in my own view really... you know in your heart what you should do. Think about it.

[Wondergirl]

Does this guy at work know there's a deep connection, or is it all at your end? How do you know he loves you?

[joypulv]

Of all that you could have written about, you wrote a paragraph that practically cries for affirmation that you want to leave your husband. Having set and achieved goals together is not a marriage. There are no children to worry about.

But I will offer some advice: if you do leave him, don't do so with the plan of an instant happy home with the new man and his children. It sounds like you know little about him past the chemistry, see him seldom, and so far not outside of work.

Conversely, don't hang onto your marriage while you work on a new relationship.

[Cat1864]

This may seem harsh:

I don't think you have been emotionally invested in your marriage from the beginning.

You had a male best friend who you relied on for emotional support. Now, you have this man. Have you ever let your husband know that you need his support? Have you ever tried to work with him on building a stronger marriage or have the two of you just been existing in the same house?

You may not have been physically unfaithful, but have you ever been emotionally faithful?

Are you willing to try to work on your marriage? That means being honest with your husband about your need for emotional support and probably trying Marriage Counseling. If you are willing would your husband?

You met this man at a time when you were weak and vulnerable. Are you positive you aren't using him to replace your previous emotional crutch?

If you leave your husband it should be because it is best for both of you not because you have a relationship ready to go. You will need time to heal whether you believe it or not and to let go of the past relationship. If you don't then the issues from this marriage will bleed over into the new relationship.

Right now, you feel the emotional connection with the other man, but when it is down to the daily work of keeping a relationship healthy and growing, how long will it be before it gets hard and you let it stagnate and slip away?

[fatcatlegs]

Harsh, yes. Helpful, absolutely. Thanks for writing; its what I needed to hear.

[Cat1864]

Whatever you decide to do, I hope everything works out for the best for you.