[TABBY101]

I am currently living with my dad in a different province and I want to move back in with my mom. The thing is my mom doesn't have as much material things such as money and my dad has a lot! I was living with my mom before last summer and I came here to visit my dad for one month. I realized I liked it here and I decided to stay. Ive been here for 6 months and I am currently 16 years old. I'm scared to tell my dad because both my parents argue over me and my dad thinks its best for me to live with him. Im sure if I tell him he will freak! He will probably think that I like her more than him. Please help. How do I tell him that I want to move with my mom?

[joypulv]

Who has legal custody? Your parents get the final say, and there's a tendency for kids to yoyo back and forth as they get older and start rebelling against both parents. You also can't just enroll in different schools whenever you feel like it. It's best to have one home base and go visit the other parent when school is out. Tell your dad for starters that you miss your mom. He should be able to understand that, and you can take it from there. 'Maybe at this age I need a mother to talk to about certain things, etc.'

[martinizing2]

Tabby,

I went through this with my kids ,
And learned that I was making their lives harder
Because I didn't understand how they felt.

These are things parents need to be reminded of.


. An adult should be aware that the children do not lose affection for a parent because of a divorce.
They will love both but may prefer to live one over the other.

It is too often the parents use the kids as pawns,
Trying to somehow have the kids "take sides"
With a parent,
Believing it shows the chosen parent as superior .

The kids that are mature enough to grasp
What is happening should have input about what happens to them.

The kids best interest is in being secure and stable .
Wherever they are living,
This gets lost in the turmoil and confusion
A separation causes.

The kids cannot actually choose where they live.
Determining custody is not a decision to be made by teens and preteens.
Their feelings should be a significant part of the decision process .


The parents need to take time out on their differences
And give some priorities to the "victims" (our children)
Of the ordeal we have created for them.


Tell your dad you love him and have enjoyed staying with him.
But you love your mother and enjoy staying with her also.

There is no favorite parent. It is still just mom and dad.

The well being of our children is the priority.

[Jake2008]

Because you are 16, you should have some say in where you want to live. Most likely while you were with your mother and only intended to visit your father for a month, that was likely during summer break. I presume your mother had/has primary custody.

That being said, the adults, your two parents, must have agreed to this arrangement. You can't take a child out of province for an agreed upon holiday period, and just not return them, without the agreement of both parents.

I don't know why your mother agreed for you to live with your father. But she did, and now you want to go back to your mother. I presume that if that happens, it will be at the end of the school year because we are already in February. Maybe that can be a point you can bring up about moving back so they know that you are not just thinking you can drop your life and move on the weekend.

Are you in touch with your mother? What does she tell you on the phone or when you contact her, that you want to move back. Or have you talked to her. If you haven't, you should express your desire to move back with her. If she is unwilling, or unable to have custody of you at this time, you are stuck where you are.

If she wants you to return home to her, then any arrangements have to be made between both your parents. What the two of them decide should be in your best interest, and I hope they can get along well enough to think that way.

But, you should have a talk with your father. Tell him honestly that you want to move back with your mother. That is your home. Your community, where your friends (and probably family) are, and while you are not unhappy living with him, you just want to go back to where you were, with your mother.

Then the rest is up to your parents to work out.