[worryinggirl]

Hi,

I am 28 years old and I am living with a divorced man age of 60 years. I lost my sisters and parents. Now I am alone with him but he wants to see those children and talkes about them I hate them and curse them.. I can't bear this situation.. My parents don't like me getting married to him.

Please help me.. what shall I do?
worryinggirl

[ChihuahuaMomma]

So you hate your fiancee's children? I assume that they give you a hard time because they're probably older than you. It must be hard to see your 60 year old father with someone who's half his age. Have you considered their side? What is the source of this hatrid? What does he think of the situation?

I'm also confused because you said that you lost your parents, but then you said that they hate your relationship. Do you mean they disowned you for it? Or they are passed away?

[worryinggirl]

Dear Chihuhua Momma,

Thank you so much for your reply.

He has two children. One is Elder than me other one is 24 years old.
What I hate about this is I can't bear when he talks about them , when he receiev a phone call from them or when he calls them or when he wants to see them.. Also I feel like to kill that earlier woman... I don't know why I feel this...

I lost my parents means I can't see them anymore. Because I got out from my house and came to him without their blessing over this affair. But strongly disagree to this.. But they are asking me to come back.. but I don't want to go. Because I feel I will be a loser. Then that woman will win.. I don't want that to to happen. I want to show that nasty woman and those girls that I amm married to him.

Please write to me..

God Bless you,

Worryinggirl.

[artlady]

When you form a bond with someone who has children ,you have to accept them as well. Or suffer the consequences if you do not.

It is a package deal.

A person will almost always choose their children over their mate if they are forced to choose so I would suggest you learn to either accept them and keep your feelings to yourself or you may lose your mate.

[DoulaLC]

You hate when he talks about his children, when he speaks to them on the phone, and when he wants to spend time with them... is this because they are a reminder of his being married before? Or is it because you don't like the attention being shown to them?

Either way it shows that you are not ready to be in this relationship. You knew he had children when you got together with him. Did you think he would no longer want to see them or talk to them? You are with a man who has a history, has a family, has a former spouse... as was said, it is a package deal. You are thinking only about yourself, what you want, and how you think you would look to others if things don't go the way you want them to.

[liz28]

How can you be jealous of the relationship he has with his KIDS. They were there before and will be there about you. You've a lot of nerves. I am surprise he is still with you because if I knew someone HATE my kids they would get the boot.

You sound very selfish and fill of hate. You want it to be all about you but it can't be. Does he have grandkids? If he does or did won't you hate them too?

I think your not mature enough to handle this situation and as a woman you shouldn't want to come between him and his kids, shame on you. Leave, is all I must advise you to do. Maybe he would wise up and leave you since you hate and curse at his kids. I don't see this relationship lasting that long.

Btw, why are you with a 60 year man anyway? Was he married when you met him?

[Jake2008]

I'd say that it is possible all the hate is probably really about fear and insecurity.

It also sounds like you want to marry him out of spite, to prove a point to his children, and your family in my opinion. That is not a good way to start a new marriage with so many negative thoughts and actions directing the outcome.

You must have realized that he had adult children, although you can't be faulted for not knowing ahead how you would react when you began to see that they were a big part of his life.

In retrospect, do you think that he would have continued a relationship with you, had he known you would react this way?

Relationships and marriage, unfortunately, does not involve moulding other people into what is comfortable to you. It is you that has to adapt to them, not the other way around. They already have long established relationships with their father.

There are many spring/winter relationships that are very successful, regardless of the age of the children.

That you are fearful in my opinion, and maybe not feeling a lot of confidence in having to face the reality of an established family as being part of your relationship with him, makes me wonder if this is right for you in the first place.

The only way you will know is to decide to accept the plate you were given, open yourself to the possibility that they will naturally be at least somewhat critical and protective of their father, and try to establish a mutually respectful relationship with them.

[worryinggirl]

Dear All,

I'm so happy to see all your replies. I understand what you have written.. But it is so diffucult for me..

When I met him he was broke up with his love affair of 13 years because at that time he has not taken his divorce so the other lady has left him.. so he met me. And we started talk each other and I was also single and had bad experiences about love affairs.. so I was fed up with guys... so I fell in love with him,.

So now.. I don't know.. my parents are calling me back to home. They want me to marry someone else with a young age.. /..

I know my fiancé is 60 years... I know evrything about aging problems... but I just can't give up or dump on him and go.. I am not like that. I can't forget the person I love. Its so hard for me.. How can I trust another guy again and spend my life.. its been four years with him now...

I think my life is a mess... I can't make relationships with allt he guys like this.. my parents and sisters don't understand my feelings...

Ok.. If I try to accept my fiancés past and the children and be kind and nice to him always give me ideas how I can improve the marriage life.. and our love life,

I wish you all you people All the Best. And God will look after you and make all your wishes come true..
Alsl I am grateful to ASKME HELP DESK . I feel so relief..

May God Bless you..

WorryingGirl