[starrgayle]

Hi, I live in Washington. My husband and I were married here and had our son here 10 years ago. 7 years ago, when our son was 3, we split up. I took care of our son by myself with no help from his father for the next 4 years. 5 years ago my husband moved to Indiana. 3 years ago I allowed my son to go visit his dad in Indiana. He was suppose to return after 1 month. When it came time his father pleaded that he wasn't ready to send him back and asked if he could please stay a while longer. At the time I was unemployed and was living with my father, so I thought maybe this would be best until I could get back on my feet. This month it has been 3 years since my son left, he loves it there and is doing wonderful in school. I'm very happy he's doing so well and is so happy. He's never complained once(he's 10). Last summer I asked his dad if he could come visit for 2-3 weeks and he said yes. I got the ticket(round trip) and when it got near time no one would answer my phone calls or letters for almost 2 months and he never got on the plane. His dad said he forgot and was working out of town. So this summer I tried for the same arrangement and his father agreed.
Yesterday I called my son and told him I needed to talk with his dad about the flight dates and his dad sternly said Tell her I will call her back. He didn't call. We are still married. My son has been there for 3 years and I don't want to take him away from there, but I want to visit him as does my family. What do I do? I can't afford an attorney.

[tawnynkids]

The fact is you can not do anything without a court order. I am wondering why you have not yet divorced? You can establish a custody/visitation order within a divorce order. That is how it is typically done. You can file in your current state for the divorce (it is only required that you be a resident of the state in which you file for divorce, regardless of what state you were married in and because you are a resident and no state has current jurisdiction over the marriage, you can file where you are) and custody/visitation and he will actually have to come to Washington to contest (if he so chooses).

Filing for divorce/custody/visitation without a lawyer is not something that is recommended. But here is a web site where you an obtain the forms should you so choose to do it on your own:
Washington Courts
You can also obtain local court rules from that site. There is also a link to Washington Law (on the right hand side of the page) for self help information. once you click on that then click on the Family Law section in there you will further find information on representing yourself, do it yourself packets and instructions, parenting plans etc. Do as much research as you can. Here are two that you should particularly check out:
http://www.lawhelp.org/documents/199...ateabbrev=/WA/
http://www.lawhelp.org/documents/198...ateabbrev=/WA/

Beyond that I can't see anything you can do other than to continue to try and get dad to cooperate with you. That may be to no prevail. So, you will really need an order to be able to enforce your visitation and protect your and your sons rights. So, call around get any and all advice you can from a lawyer in your local are (a lot of lawyer will do free consults at least) and you can get a better idea of what you will need to do. And you do need to do it. Not just for you but more importantly for your son because HE has a right to a relationship with you and if dad won't support that then you need to be able to enforce it. Good luck!

[ScottGem]

Tawny is right, you have let this situation become a problem because you have not made anything official. You should have at least gotten a court sanctioned separation agreement that spelled out custody and visitation issues.

Clearly the dad is afraid you are going to pull on him what he seems to have pulled on you. The ONLY way you are going to resolve this is to file a petition in Family Court for separation, visitation, custody and child support.

If you want to see your son, it would appear you will have to go to Indiana, until and unless you get the courts to award you custody/visitation.

[starrgayle]

Thank you very much, that is what I needed to know. Very much appreciated!