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Should I accept my cheating wife
Asked Jun 17, 2011, 12:20 AM
I had sex with my wife on July 2, 2010. Later on August 6, 2010 with protection. She is pregnant. Doctors said due date was May 24, 2011. Later it was shifted a bit to June 2, 2011. Finally she delivered on June 3. There is complete lack of communication from there side. I am confused if the baby is mine. Our relation were strained last year. She is living with her parents since then. Yesterday she misstated that we last stood together till August end while I am sure that she left on August 6. I used to drink that time. She feels I'll forget the dated. But events are recorded based on sms I sent to her. Should I cooperate with her lies till I get DNA done or catch her now. In that case I feel she will not come to me. How can I take DNA then. BUt in the past whenever I suspected her, I was wrong or rather could not find anything serious. She is not giving me medical papers.
As we go, our relationship is already over. She is caught. Now I am thinking of her and child's future. I know she gave me all chances during our stay together to seduce her. But I did not understand. I always thought why is she resilient towards sex. Finally one day we fought when I demanded sex. And she left next day. She told some days later that she'll come back in two months and need some time separate. After that what happened I had already told. She took all precautions that I should not know of her cheating and accept the child without knowing the truth. May be she is repenting. May be it was one night stand. May be she got raped and did not get courage to tell me or anyone. She tried to abort the child at their relatives place but they refused to take responsibility and sent her at her parental house. May be there even she did not tell the truth and went on with the delivery. Now I am clear from her behaviour and facts also, gyna opinion also that all is over.
My question is: IF SHE TELLS THAT ALL THAT HAPPENED BECOZ I DID NOT CARE FOR HER AND SHE LEFT IN ANGER AND NEEDED SOME SUPPORT. SOMEBODY MAY BE HER EX SUPPORTED AND IT HAPPENED. BUT SHE IS REPENTING AND HAD SEVERED ALL RELATIONSHIPS WITH THAT GUY WHICH IS EXPECTED AS NOBODY WILL TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OF SUCH AN ACT IF HE IS MARRIED.
IF MARRIED MAY BE HE MARRIED HER. SHOULD I PARDON HER MISTAKE IF IT IS ONE TIME AFFAIR AND SHE GOT PREGNANT OR ANYHOW REGARDLESS OF MY FEELING TOWARDS HER, I SHULD DIVORCE HER WHICH IS QUITE EASY IS SUCH CASE OF ADULTERY IN INDIAN LAWS. BUT I LOVE HER FOR HER NATURE AND SPECIALLY BECOZ COULD ENJOY HER ONLY 4 TIMES IN OUR 3 AND HALF YRS OF MARRIAGE.
ANSWER WOULD BE HIGHLY APPRECIABLE.
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Jun 17, 2011, 03:38 AM
Whether you divorce her, or not is entirely up to you. It seem you still love her from the way you presented your post.
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Emotional Health Expert
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Jun 17, 2011, 07:00 AM
You cannot make any accurate assumptions, or plan for a future with someone, based on 'facts' that may or may not be true.
Both of you need to sit down and discuss this seriously- there is a child about to be born that deserves to have two parents in his or her life. Married or not.
You will drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what's really going on, and what had gone on, that resulted in a pregnancy. Starting with whether you are actually the father of this baby.
When you know that, then you need to sift through all the problems and questions you have. Only then, by honest communication, can you even take a stab at planning a future- with or without her.
Without answers to the most basic questions, you will remain confused, in the dark, and not knowing what to do.
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Jun 20, 2011, 01:12 PM
You tell these stories of your wife's suspected adultory,but at no point do I read any mention of this person in question, only your accusations of such an act.
So she had some time out for a while, away from you and your drinking habits I suspect, not to mention your accusations,which to me seem totally unfounded at this moment in time.
I'm not surprised that your relationship was under strain... your wife pregnant (by another man in your opinion)your drinking (which causes enough misunderstandings on it's own)you constantly accusing her of sleeping with another man ( no foundation for this)not to mention the fact that your telling her the child most probably isn't yours(why wouldn't it be?)
You can have sex with protection,it still doesn't mean that you are 100% safe, any one will tell you this,the dates seem fine to me, babies come late and early, they come when the time is right for them, not on demand.
You cannot accuse your wife of any thing without proof, from where I'm standing all you have is heresay,imagination can do a lot of damage especially if you've had a drink or two... or three
You say she is caught... how, are you basing this on the birth date of the child? I hope not.
I think for your own sanity you need to have the DNA test done because you will never be satisfied... you can insist if there is a problem.Sadly by doing this if your wife is totally innocent I feel she could be, then you have finished any chance of a future together.
On the other hand, if the child is not yours then you will have been proven right,losing your wife and also the child...
Do you have a problem with jealousy? you have been through this before and you have been wrong,is it because this time your wife conceived a child... which couldn't possibly be yours because you used protection during intercourse! The fact that you've both been through this before, makes me think the whole story is just more information for your vivid imagination, especially under the influence of booze.
I think you need to stop imagining what may or may not have happened( if anything )act like responsible adults arrange a meeting just you and her and talk sensibly to get the answers that you need to move on.
If possible meet in a public place that way you will have to remain calm... no booze no shouting,no accusations, hopefully you might resolve some of your issues,after all you are parents now.
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