My husband wants a divorce. When we finally calmed down, we had a talk and he explained his reasons. He said that he still loves me, to a certain extent (I'm not sure what that means). He said he married me for all the wrong reasons, that at the time he thought he wanted to be married because he liked being seen as a grown up. We've been together for six years, married for almost two. He said he had seen red flags on me that he knew he shouldn't even dated me, but he when I asked if he fell in love with me at all, he said yes. So I'm thinking, he fell in love with me, and he still loves me, to a certain extent, so there must be hurtful things that I did/said that have been accumulated these whole years that he finally made him decide that he's done. However, when I asked if that's true or if he has any grudges towards me at all, he said no. He then said that he has been wanting to leave but never had the courage until now, and that he just has no feeling towards me anymore, that he has fallen out of love, hence he didn't want any counseling. He acknowledged that he's doing a terrible thing for dragging me for years, but he feels that this is the right decision. (I'm confuesd now, he said he still loved me, but also said he fell out of love... ) I see no sign of him having an affair or anything like that. I'm thinking that he is confused, he said he's trying to figure himself out, but insisted he knew this is the right decision because he had changed. I told him that marriages will always have ups and downs, that couples fall in and out of love throughout. But he then said that that sounded like heaven and hell to me. I didn't know what to respond to that. I asked if he believed that couples have to be in love all the time, he said yes. I told him he sounded delusionl because nobody does that, nobody is built that way. What is going on? I feel that now I'm more confused than before the conversation took place.. Any thoughts?

It sounds like he wants a divorce for his own reasons. Do you have kids? That makes things tricky. I guess if he wants a divorce, why would you want to stay with him? That doesn't make much sense.

You're right, though, that when you're married that lovey dovey feeling doesn't last and you have to have long term companionship that can last through ups and downs. Perhaps that's just not there for him, and there's not much you can do to make him think any differently.