I have been with my girlfriend for just over 4years now, we lived and studied together for 2 years and have now moved back home because we have graduated and couldn't afford a flat straight away as we we went on holiday. I will be 24 on Thursday and I feel like my whole world has ended right now. Over the 4 years my girlfriend and I have been through so much together, we have shared so much , achieved so much together. When we first started dating it was extremely difficult as my girlfriend family couldn't accept she was gay. They just wouldn't and still won't to this day. We met when she joined my class in college and at first I ddnt fancy her at all. I wasn't interested in that way and so we became friends. She had always had feelings for me but it wasn't till I started to get to know her that I truly fell in love with her.We did everything together, she is like my best friend but also my girlfriend. At the start her mum would bring her ex boyfriend over to the house for dinner and he would always be round dropping stuff off . This used to hurt me so much because her mother wouldn't look at me , speak to me or even allow me in her house. Things were so difficult for us then, many nights I cried because her family wouldn't give me a chnce. So we decided that we would move to london for uni- to get away from the pressure. We lived in london - happy together for 2years there. She was my life , my only one thing I had there. I wouldn't change that, I would do anything for her. Her mum and sister wernt happy about the move but deep down I think they new why we really moved so far away. For the 4 years she has been part of everything I do. My friends love her and treat her like a friend too. My family love her and have accepted her into the family.I include her in everything as I truly believe she is my life partner . However , her family have been difficult so I now resent them. They treat her with so little respect I find it difficult to watch. They are so jealous of me and instead of including me and making the situation easier they make the situation so difficult for my girlfriend. And so do I. This has wnt on for o long that I now resent her family. When she is with them I feel annoyed ( which I know is so so wrong ) and that's because when she is spending time with me they are annoyed. It has turned into a competition. It is awful.
Adjusting to moving back home has been a difficult one for me. I know for the past few months I have been an angry person but only because I miss my life with my girlfriend in london. I miss having the space to do what we want - cudlles on the sofa .making love and just spending 'us ' time together. We both also came home to our parents houses and to 2 new jobs. My job being in the field we both studied . She is now having to work back in retail and I know she is unhappy with her job. She works long hours for very lttle pay. And when she finihses work I want her to come home to me all the time as that's what it used to be like in london. For the past few months I have been difficult, moany and I said I wasn't happy. This is because I feel left out of her life back here. She is part of everythin I do I am not part of everything she does and I know that is the problem.
Last week she asked me for some space because she feels she never sees her family anymore and they are giving her a hard time, she feels she doesn't know who she is anymore. I am so struggling to understand everything because I feel she is like part of me. I miss her so so much right now but I haven't contacted her because I know she wants the space. It is eating me up inside , I haven't eaten all week, I can't sleep and I can't think about anything else. Last week she lied to me about where she was and I found out about it and she said she only lied because she ddnt want to upset me because she was going out with work people.The next day she says she wants a break.I feel I have pushed her so far away and I feel like I have smothered her. I just don't know what to do. I am worries she is seeing someone in work- her work is full of exciting young people who og out all the time. She said to me when she's with them she can forget all the stuff going on with us and with her family. I haven't heard from her and I want to text her so much but I haven't and I won't because I want her to want me again. I want her to miss me and realise what we have is special. I've never met a nicer person in the world and I don't wnt to loose her. She means everythin to me . Everything !
No one can understand how close we were , I feel like we are meant to be together. I believed we would be together forever. And I know she did too - she had told me.
Im just so lost right now . I cnat bare to tell my mum or some of my friends as I don't want to believe this is actually happening. We have come home to so much pressure and she cnt deal with it. I don't know what to do , I am so lost without her. I feel like curling you in a ball and dying.
I want her back so badly but I know I have to bide my time until she contacts me . We wer meant to be going away together this weekend for my birthday and she told me last week she wasn't going. I feel like I have pushed her away so much that she can't talk to me the way we used to . We used to tell each other everything . As I said she is like my best friend. I thought I had it all I really did . I just can't believe she is gone. Every minute feels like an hour without her. I am giving her the space se needs even if it kills me. I love her so much .

Please give me some advice or your thoughts? Do you think it will be over for us ?

I feel I have pushed her away.

The first thing I want to say is, I am very sorry you are hurting so much over someone you obvioulsy love dearly. I admire you for having the strength to give her the time she needs, by not contacting her, and that must be very difficult.

I am not so sure that moving back closer to her family is the cause, or most of the reason, for the relationship problems. Had the two of you stayed in London, the relationship may have ended up where it is right now. It may be more convenient for your partner, to use her family, and the obvious dislike of her gay relationship as a really good excuse to end the relationship.

She was obvioulsy comfortable with her relationship in all the years she was in London with you. That kind of resolve and dedication and loyalty, despite her family always opposing it, shows that she was strong enough in her own right, to not be influenced to a point where they, would control her life. If I read you right, she did not hide the truth from anybody, including her family.

In other words, the two of you had a life together, and weathered the discrimination and all major obstacles you faced, together, regardless of how her family felt about it.

I don't think it is realistic to think that her family is responsible for the separation. I see using her family to justify it, is more realistic.

It would be no different than having a long term relationship with anyone, who eventually decides that the relationship isn't working out, to use any excuse, other than the truth, to justify it. I've had boyfriends in the past who broke up with me saying also that his parents didn't approve of me not being of the same religion, or race, or not having enough education, etc. Any old excuse will do, except the truth.

And when it all boils down to a 'reason' based on something that just doesn't fit, no wonder you are questioning it. There was nothing in your past greater than the love you had, for so long, that could have now somehow be the 'cause' of the separation between you. And that being, she gave into pressure from her family.

She is still gay. She is still the same person she was in London, as she is now back at home. She hasn't suddenly stopped being gay because her parents forced her to. She has not abandoned her gay lifestyle, she has only included different people, in a new circle of friends, and she has changed direction, away from you, and prefers to be single.

Had her parents not been in the picture, I think it is safe to say that the relationship would likely have ended up this way regardless. So taking them out of the picture for a moment, the only person who hasn't been honest with you, is your girlfriend. All excuses aside, she has changed the relationship, and pretty much stopped being committed.

It would be nice if she chose instead to work on the relationship, maybe seek couples counselling, or put an effort into communicating her needs and wants. Any couple has problems, but if the love is strong enough, from both partners, you can overcome anything. She chose not to go the route of repairing and strengthening the relationship, she chose instead to abandon it.

You may never know why. Perhaps the relationship for her, just ran its course. Perhaps she had long had feelings that were not as strong or committed toward you, as you had toward her. The point is that it is only her that you need to focus on, and what she has done, to keep her distance from you. Not her parents, not her siblings, but just her.

I am happy that you have a supportive family and a circle of friends to help you through this. And should this actually be the end of the relationship, that you are able to eventually move on, and find another partner. Should she come back, put yourself in a protective position until you are certain that you have the truth from her, as to why she bailed out. And should she indicate she wishes to reconcile, insist on going slow, and maybe counselling, in order to really firmly establish her sincerity.

This is not a situation you want to have repeat itself with her, in another few years.