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    JBHP's Avatar
    JBHP Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Jan 15, 2014, 09:40 PM
    Miss my wife
    I was married for 21 years to the love of my life, divorced for 5 years, still miss her as as much today, in fact it hurts more. My service dog (beagle) helps a little. When the hurt seems hopeless I have pictures of us and 1 or two of her alone. It always makes me feel better, happy for a while. I understand that loss takes a while, but how long before the hurt will be gone?
    odinn7's Avatar
    odinn7 Posts: 7,691, Reputation: 1547
    Entomology Expert
     
    #2

    Jan 15, 2014, 11:52 PM
    Until you decide to move forward with your life and realize that she doesn't control your happiness. The longer you sit around thinking of how wonderful she is, the longer it will take you to get over this. Forget her and move forward.
    mashiat's Avatar
    mashiat Posts: 50, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #3

    Jan 16, 2014, 01:08 AM
    The more you try to forget her the more will it remind you of her.. So, throw everything you have that relates to her or remind you of her... mingle with new people, keep yourself preoccupied,hang out more with friends and family... hope this helps (y)
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #4

    Jan 16, 2014, 01:34 AM
    I'll bet that 21 years is longer than any of us were with someone we loved, but the advice is still good. I still have some grieving in me over my ex and later my dad, with whom I lived in this last years. But as others have said, create a new environment around you. Hang on to a few tokens, but put them in just one box, and throw the rest away. Open it once a year on a certain day. A little ritual like that helps you get your feelings out.
    You are hurting more than you should be after 5 years of her absence, so that means that you aren't doing enough to replace her. Old friends, new friends, interests and hobbies, even some things you relied on her for, like real cooking. If she was a good cook and you are living on frozen dinners, get a cookbook and get to work! Invite some people over to try your newbie attempts.
    And start thinking of your dear doggie as something other than a service dog, unless that service is for something other than depression. I'd suggest another dog or a kitten.
    Keep us posted, OK?
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
    Uber Member
     
    #5

    Jan 16, 2014, 06:36 AM
    You've been divorced for 5 years... if you are still grieving its time to seek the help of a professional. There is no sense in suffering when help is available and effective. And there is no shame in seeking and getting help.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,303, Reputation: 7691
    Expert
     
    #6

    Jan 17, 2014, 02:18 AM
    Most people at divorce think hatred and evil toward the other, why feelings of love ?

    But the feelings never go away, you just move on with your life ( what you have not done) since it is divorce not death, you put the photos away, stop looking at them, if there are things in house that remind you of her, get rid of it, and start moving forward with life.

    Susan has been dead now about 20 years or so, I look at her photo twice a year, and remember the good times, life has to move on

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