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    lalas0306's Avatar
    lalas0306 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jan 23, 2014, 08:29 PM
    My husband cheated on me with a man, I feel lost.
    I have been married for 2 years knowing him for five. Just three months ago I came to find out that he cheated on me with a man. He denied it all the way but the text were really clear. He denies he's gay or bi and that he loves me and would do anything to fix our marriage. I feel nasty inside with really mixed emotions but its difficult to move on having two boys. I haven't talked to no one because it is to embarrassing. Please help :(
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,137, Reputation: 10852
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    #2

    Jan 23, 2014, 08:50 PM
    What do you want to do about this? If he confesses to being bi or gay what would that change? Can you relate the gist of the emails that prove he actually cheated?
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,303, Reputation: 7691
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    #3

    Jan 24, 2014, 04:26 AM
    Being bi, or gay is not an excuse for cheating, cheating is cheating. So when you go over his emails what does he say about it ?

    So do you want him to confess and ask forgiveness to feel better ?
    It sounds like he has denied and is still free to do it, if he wants since nothing happened ?

    What do you want ?
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #4

    Jan 24, 2014, 06:53 AM
    I agree that cheating is cheating regardless. For the sake of your family and your boys you have to do something whether that be marriage counseling or separation. You don't have a choice here. Doing nothing will just make your feelings and anxiety about the situation worse. If he did cheat your husband and you have to work through this if that is what you both want. If he did cheat I would venture to guess this was not his first time with a man.

    Here's another issue. If you two work through this the difficult part for you is you are going to be suspicious every time he has a guy friend or he and his guy friend go to a bar, to a game, etc. That is going to be a tough one to get through.

    Being a gay man myself I have been approached by a lot of married guys. It kind of shocks me how they rationalize it in their head as not cheating because I am a guy.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #5

    Jan 26, 2014, 12:18 AM
    You and your husband need to get to the truth.

    If he is gay as you suspect, then he's gay. You have some decisions to make, and I suspect that IF he's gay, and admits to being gay, he too, will have decisions to make about his own life.

    And in addition to that, I agree with the others, that cheating is cheating, no question there.

    Please insist on counseling, alone, or with him. You need to know.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #6

    Jan 26, 2014, 03:09 AM
    If he will do anything to fix the marriage, why is he still denying this?
    Either he's not willing to do anything to fix this, or it's not really true. Can you convince us it is?
    If I felt convinced, I would say that he is lying, and the marriage is doomed. If he can't admit this then he'll just do it again.

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