I've been married 20 years. We have 3 children, 15, 14, & 8. I was going to leave him 8 years ago, figure the math... but I LOVE my little guy!

My husband lost his job 4 years ago and we agreed it was better for him to stay home w/our littlest... I had a very good paying job.

I lost my job last January and I have not been able to find work 1 year later. I tried to prepare as I knew my job was ending despite my longevity of 20 years w/co. so I curbed spending and PAID OFF DEBT for the past two years. Now we are DEBT FREE, house is paid off, no car loans.. however MY HUSBAND WILL NOT FIND A JOB!! I have taken menial jobs and we're spending every dollar I had saved... we may have to dip in to 401K... I am back in school trying to finish my undergrad. Degree hoping that it will give me a boost in finding another job... I should be done in Dec w JUST AN AA! But I'm determined to do it..

I went to a lawyer to explain the situation that my husband REFUSES to look for work. He is still in Mr. Mom mode despite my being home and BEGGING, PLEADING showing him the finances and how we'll be living on credit soon! And still he refuses to look.. my kids know what's going on since I would get very upset.. I ALWAYS worked and for some reason, a job is not coming to me despite my efforts...

I loved my husband and still do however this is too much on me.. he doesn't drive so can't take the kids to their "appointments".. he does cook and laundry (cleaning & fixing up the house are MINIMAL.. )..

Anyway, the lawyer.. I went thinking I could serve him and maybe IGNITE some urgency and the lawyer explained that in NY there are four reasons for a divorce (unless mutually agreed which my husband REFUSES despite my many many requests.. ) they are:
Abandonment - which I won't do since I paid for the home, Adultery (He's a recluse so never leaves), No sex for a year (since he's moved downstairs two years ago and stays in the guest room, we're moving up on time almost 3 months.. ) or mental abuse (he's mentally abusing me but I can't prove it and I get so frustrated w/his lack of looking for work I was abusive to him which I have now stopped (spiritual help, etc. so that I don't lose everything)..

Here's the thing he's a NICE guy, everyone likes him its JUST THIS PROBLEM and he doesn't go on vacations w/us,s topped that a few years ago.. rarely goes to kids activities, I BEG him to go..

I want to MOVE on.. and I'm trying in spite of his behaviors but I also want a companion who is interested in doing things and NOT watching the B. HIll billys every night!

HOW CAN I GET AROUND THIS?? (Oh, yes after my family's insistence, I did take away the credit cards and access to money.. (not sure how he's paying for his weekly beer delivery though.).

PLEASE if anyone has a solution to how I can get him to MOVE ON.. either a job or OUT, please please please share... Its very difficult..