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    lora073's Avatar
    lora073 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Oct 11, 2020, 02:04 PM
    how can i help my boyfriend trough his parents' divorce?
    my boyfriend hasn't been responding all day, and when he finally did he was in tears cause he just heard his parents are getting a divorce soon.
    now my parents are divorced too so i know what it's like, but he doesn't want people to feel sorry for him, he doesn't want me to be the person to be like "awh i know exactly how you feel" and that sort of stuff.
    i totally understand that cause for everyone it's just different, but because i can't say stuff like that, i don't really know how to help him.
    he told me he needed time to think so he won't be online for the rest of the day and maybe tomorrow, but i'm just so worried about him. he's a sensitive guy... and i also don't want him to do something... stupid... if you know what i mean..

    please, does someone have some advice for me, i can use it
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 38,799, Reputation: 5431
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #2

    Oct 11, 2020, 02:17 PM
    My heart goes out to him! How old is he?
    lora073's Avatar
    lora073 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Oct 11, 2020, 10:54 PM
    my boyfriend is 14 years old, he's a year younger then me. and I just feel so bad for him, cause i think he's the last person who deserves to go trough this, he's already been trough so much....
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855
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    #4

    Oct 12, 2020, 02:05 AM
    Sometimes the best help to give a friend going through a tough time is just be there for them when they are ready for your comfort rather than try to force it on them. When he is ready to talk then he will so give him the space he has asked for.

    What kind of stupid stuff are you worried he will do and why?
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 38,799, Reputation: 5431
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #5

    Oct 12, 2020, 08:40 AM
    Does he have brothers and/or sisters who are going through this too? Is there a relative, like an aunt or uncle or grandparent who will be there for him and give him hugs?

    Yes, like Talaniman said, just BE there for him, hold his hand, give him hugs, cry with him.
    lora073's Avatar
    lora073 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Oct 17, 2020, 05:06 AM
    i'm scared that at some point he can't take the pressure anymore, we put our relationship on hold for a while so we can work on our own mental health cause our relationship was under some stress because of it. and right now i'm scared that when something's bothering him he won't tell me because he doesn't want to bother me, or that he'll hurt himself.
    but the main thing i'm scared off right now is that while our relationship is on hold that he'll fall in love with someone else
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855
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    #7

    Oct 18, 2020, 05:39 PM
    I just hope you can see that these are your fears to deal with and not his, and right now he just wants space to deal with just his stuff. That's all he can handle right now no matter what happens later. Try your best to be ready for whatever happens.
    shanzaykhan7788's Avatar
    shanzaykhan7788 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Oct 19, 2020, 03:48 AM
    Re: His parents are divorcing... It's really hard to help someone when they don't want your help. Reach Out have a great fact sheet about it here. In time he may ask start talking to you about it, or it may be something he chooses to keep private, but you can still support him without pushing him to open up to you.
    cdad's Avatar
    cdad Posts: 12,701, Reputation: 1438
    Internet Research Expert
     
    #9

    Nov 1, 2020, 07:29 AM
    What you understand Im sure is that it is a very hurtful and confusing time for him. He is learning what new reality is and how to deal with it.
    Your role in all of this is to support his needs as he takes this journey of discovery into the world of divorcing parents. He need to learn and understand its not his fault. Telling him that may not help as he has to "discover " it on his own.

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