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    96xj's Avatar
    96xj Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Aug 14, 2014, 09:25 AM
    I hated my husband so why do I care he's gone?
    Hello all!

    So to spare you all the gory details of my dysfunctional marriage I'll sum it all up by being quick and brief. Long story short, my marriage suffered everything from betrayal, domestic violence altercations, infidelity, lack of sex, lack of trust, and lack of communication. I was married to my husband for eleven months and dated him for a year and a half before we got married. All of the issues mentioned above have been constant issues in our relationship pretty much since we started dating and after about month after we got married I noticed I started developing a strong hatred and resentment toward my husband. All of the sudden I couldn't look bare to kiss him, look him in the face, or even have sex with him without cringing on the inside. When my friends would badger me for marrying such a horrible person they would ask, "why are you still with him?" "What do you see in him?" "Why do you love him" and I would find myself stumped with no explanation or reason to answer their questions. I realized that I had truly fallen out of love with my husband.

    I never expressed these negative feelings to him I just kept going through the motions in hopes that one day the emotions would reside. I really wanted to make our marriage work because it was such a big deal to me that I made vows in front of dozens of people who meant the world to me that I would forever love this horrible man for the rest of my life and one point I truly did love him. But as our issues began to pile up I found myself feeling nothing for him but hate and anger. In fact back in October he was deployed for about four months, and those four months were the happiest and most relaxed I'd ever been.

    One month ago we finally decided to split. He moved out over night and left the state. One week later he filed for divorce. We came to an agreement on how to split everything so since there's nothing to fight over, our divorce should be final in just a few short months. But for some reason I'm so sad that he's gone. I find myself sometimes hoping and wishing that he'll come back and some mornings the pain is unbearable. I don't understand it. I've been hoping for this divorce for a long time but now that it's actually happening I have stop myself from texting him or calling him to beg for him back.

    What is going on with me? I understand that the failure of our marriage is both of our faults and that no matter what we do it's just never going to work. But there's a small part of me that desperately wishes it would and that maybe if I just beg for him back hard enough he'll change his mind and come back. Another part of me is deeply hurt that the man who used to touch my heart by expressing his profound love to me just abandoned me at the drop of a dime. It's a pretty huge blow to my ego. Can anyone help me figure out what is going on and how to move forward?
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,494, Reputation: 2853
    Uber Member

    Aug 14, 2014, 09:29 AM
    The belief and tendency many people have to stick with the familiar than with the unfamiliar.

    You will get over this in time eventually.
    Gettnunbuttheiz's Avatar
    Gettnunbuttheiz Posts: 38, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member

    Aug 15, 2014, 11:55 AM
    Maybe u are still I love with him!
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,494, Reputation: 2853
    Uber Member

    Aug 15, 2014, 12:05 PM
    You are used to him being there... love is a very tough emotion to simply shut off.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855

    Aug 20, 2014, 12:04 PM
    One month ago we finally decided to split.
    The finality hasn't fully sunken in yet. You still are dealing with old feelings from better times. Don't worry, it will. Nothing is wrong with you at all. You just need time to cope with your own feelings and heal. Like a broken leg hurts until it heals and you cannot rush it no matter how much you want to put on your high heel and go dancing.

    When the crying is done you will be ready to be happy again and put this behind you but the healing process tends to suck. You will be damn grateful you escaped this misery soon.

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