Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    96xj's Avatar
    96xj Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Aug 14, 2014, 09:25 AM
    I hated my husband so why do I care he's gone?
    Hello all!

    So to spare you all the gory details of my dysfunctional marriage I'll sum it all up by being quick and brief. Long story short, my marriage suffered everything from betrayal, domestic violence altercations, infidelity, lack of sex, lack of trust, and lack of communication. I was married to my husband for eleven months and dated him for a year and a half before we got married. All of the issues mentioned above have been constant issues in our relationship pretty much since we started dating and after about month after we got married I noticed I started developing a strong hatred and resentment toward my husband. All of the sudden I couldn't look bare to kiss him, look him in the face, or even have sex with him without cringing on the inside. When my friends would badger me for marrying such a horrible person they would ask, "why are you still with him?" "What do you see in him?" "Why do you love him" and I would find myself stumped with no explanation or reason to answer their questions. I realized that I had truly fallen out of love with my husband.

    I never expressed these negative feelings to him I just kept going through the motions in hopes that one day the emotions would reside. I really wanted to make our marriage work because it was such a big deal to me that I made vows in front of dozens of people who meant the world to me that I would forever love this horrible man for the rest of my life and one point I truly did love him. But as our issues began to pile up I found myself feeling nothing for him but hate and anger. In fact back in October he was deployed for about four months, and those four months were the happiest and most relaxed I'd ever been.

    One month ago we finally decided to split. He moved out over night and left the state. One week later he filed for divorce. We came to an agreement on how to split everything so since there's nothing to fight over, our divorce should be final in just a few short months. But for some reason I'm so sad that he's gone. I find myself sometimes hoping and wishing that he'll come back and some mornings the pain is unbearable. I don't understand it. I've been hoping for this divorce for a long time but now that it's actually happening I have stop myself from texting him or calling him to beg for him back.

    What is going on with me? I understand that the failure of our marriage is both of our faults and that no matter what we do it's just never going to work. But there's a small part of me that desperately wishes it would and that maybe if I just beg for him back hard enough he'll change his mind and come back. Another part of me is deeply hurt that the man who used to touch my heart by expressing his profound love to me just abandoned me at the drop of a dime. It's a pretty huge blow to my ego. Can anyone help me figure out what is going on and how to move forward?
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
    Uber Member
     
    #2

    Aug 14, 2014, 09:29 AM
    The belief and tendency many people have to stick with the familiar than with the unfamiliar.

    You will get over this in time eventually.
    Gettnunbuttheiz's Avatar
    Gettnunbuttheiz Posts: 38, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #3

    Aug 15, 2014, 11:55 AM
    Maybe u are still I love with him!
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
    Uber Member
     
    #4

    Aug 15, 2014, 12:05 PM
    You are used to him being there... love is a very tough emotion to simply shut off.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,912, Reputation: 10852
    Expert
     
    #5

    Aug 20, 2014, 12:04 PM
    One month ago we finally decided to split.
    The finality hasn't fully sunken in yet. You still are dealing with old feelings from better times. Don't worry, it will. Nothing is wrong with you at all. You just need time to cope with your own feelings and heal. Like a broken leg hurts until it heals and you cannot rush it no matter how much you want to put on your high heel and go dancing.

    When the crying is done you will be ready to be happy again and put this behind you but the healing process tends to suck. You will be damn grateful you escaped this misery soon.

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search


Check out some similar questions!

What does it mean when... My husband told me he doesn't care about anything or anyone. [ 2 Answers ]

I have been back together with my 1st husband (26years in between) for 1 year now and over the last year I have noticed he doesn't do all the same things he use to. Its like he doesn't want to be with me. When he drinks on the weekend he changes and blames me for being a... I don't do anything to...

Husband care more his parents rather than his own family [ 0 Answers ]

Hi, My husband care more about his parents, sister and family more. He just gives them what they want ( financial help). Even if it's less for us, he don't mind giving them. But when the same situation come for us, he doesn't care. He trust his father more than his wife. As per his saying, his...

What should I do when my husband takes too much care his family? [ 4 Answers ]

My husband has one sister and one brother. They both has a job now but he still want to support them. He pays for their car insurance every month. We have a condo for rent, because we live in different state. His sister just keeps asking to move in the condo without paying. I told him that we...

Feels like my husband doesn't care about me [ 9 Answers ]

Lately I just feel like my husband really doesn't care about me anymore... we have been together for a long time and I know things change a lot and all the romance and stuff fades off but it really sucks to feel like I do. I keep telling him we need to have a date night at least a couple times a...

My husband doesn't t care me [ 6 Answers ]

My husband and I have been together for 5 years. I have given up my time, sleep, money everything to help him find a job with benefits, nearly losing mine in the process. Since he has started this job he has lost interest in me and his family - not making sure my needs nor our family's is taken...


View more questions Search