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    eyes2blue's Avatar
    eyes2blue Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Mar 18, 2014, 02:18 AM
    Feel helpless and he wants a divorce.
    I am 55 years old and he wants a divorce. I currently do not have a stable job (I am a substitute teacher and haven't had a call for 3 months), a car or a bank account with any money in it. He basically controls the finances. I agreed to this because I made a mess with the prior bank.
    Now the history hard part... my health has not been great for several years, he says after the 3rd surgery he has had enough. He has no sympathy for me anymore.
    I found out he was using the computer to meet other women. In retaliation, I started gambling, 1) to get some money and 2) to get him where it would hurt the most. Of course, I agree that was stupid and of course, didn't work out to well. That is why I agreed to turn over the finances. Now he is fooling around with a married woman at work.
    I have no where to go and family cannot help me. I feel helpless in this divorce, what am I to do?
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #2

    Mar 18, 2014, 02:55 AM
    You really have little choice but to start shopping for a lawyer who will do your divorce and wait for payment. If you had a long marriage and raised children, then you should get a comfortable amount of his assets, at least good for a few years. If it was a recent marriage, and your health is a big factor in your ability to get back to work, then you need to discuss disability SS with your doctor. If neither apply, then I hope you work hard now to find options for shared living, such as other divorced women your age, and some work income.

    You don't have to leave your home until the divorce decree declares who gets what. But don't put this off - that's a form of gambling that benefits only him. Tell him that since he's the one who wants the divorce and you have no money, your lawyer will sue him for all legal costs. That's a given. So to save tons of money, agree to legal mediation instead.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,278, Reputation: 7690
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    #3

    Mar 18, 2014, 05:28 AM
    Assuming you are a licensed teacher, you get a full time teaching job, if not licensed, you find a job, perhaps in a private school, day care even. You go to work.

    You save up some money, and make a plan to get out. If he has already filed for divorce, or what is the status, is he still paying the bills at home.
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
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    #4

    Mar 18, 2014, 06:14 AM
    Get a lawyer. He will need to be paid from shared assets. If your husband won't give you access the lawyer will have to get it for you. Start looking for full time work. Get counseling - you sound depressed and have been irresponsible in some ways, so address those issues. If you qualify, file for disability. Your attorney can petition for spousal support. Sitting around worrying is futile . Hire an attorney and move forward, fixing one problem at a time. I work in family law as a paralegal. We see and straighten out situations like your every day.

    Do not hire the cheapest hourly rate lawyer . Pick one who a well rated by peers and former clients . They may charge more per hour but the hours are productive so it is cheaper in the long run. There is a website called AVvo where attorneys are rated independently.

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